After the previous bully managers, team leads, and coaches were replaced within the department of the corporation in which I work and new managers, team leads, and coaches stepped in to replace those bullies, a lot changed for the better, but some things changed for the worse. Basically, though, the entire department in which I work was rebranded almost overnight, and most of the work assignments and duties were changed for everyone.
In the beginning, one of the new managers seemingly took a liking to me at first but then backed away from me after a while. I can only surmise that when this manager asked for my honest opinion regarding “the system”, he really didn’t like my honest opinion. I can only liken the stance of this new manager to the narcissists I’ve known in my past who would love bomb me as soon as they met me, but after getting to know me, their love bombing soon turned into devaluation and discard.
Not that I know if this new manager actually hates me, but I’ve documented a host of instances where this new manager actually gaslighted me on a number of occasions. In fact, it didn’t take me long to realize this new manager was strategizing as if playing a game of chess and using employees as chess pieces when making moves to get employees to do what was desired within the corporation. At first, things seemed to be all good with my current position until I realized how expendable I was in this manager’s eyes as well. Mainly, I learned that just because a person shows their smiling teeth doesn’t mean they’re really smiling at me. They just might be smiling because they are plotting destruction.
As a matter of fact, not soon after this new manager began moving employees into different positions, I soon found myself being mobbed by a new group of people this manager had designated to work with me, and perhaps to eventually replace me. However, replacing me would be quite difficult because I became good at my job so as not to be considered for replacement. I became so good that team leads won’t even consider moving me to do anything other than the position I was originally hired for within the company.
Nevertheless, there were a few months that felt quite rocky for me in terms of the mobbing behaviors by a few coworkers. It felt and appeared that I was being silently ganged up on and that conversations had been had by a select group of coworkers against me. I felt the stares that made it apparent to me that I had been a topic of discussion. I saw the whispers and eye rolls among the group that were meant for me to notice. I felt the chilled silence as I walked up in the work area, and I saw the diabolical schemes at work with this mob for the purpose of making me lose my cool and leave.
However, I am not one to back down from confrontation. I do not fear people. In many instances, I believe that I appeared aloof and unbothered enough by the mobsters to cause them to re-strategize their game plays against me. The harder they tried to get rid of me in my position, the harder I bore down and became better at my tasks – so much so that I became synonymous with being one of the star workers to bring the group up to par to completing work on time. In fact, when two new team leads came into position, they quickly came to my support without knowing that they were actually defending me from a group of bullies.
At some point, I began taking notes on the behaviors of each coworker who was a part of the mob against me. I studied them like a narcissist would study me as prey. I took in their nuances, listened to their conversations with each other, and learned their work habits. I immediately identified the lazy ones and the hard working ones from among the group. I also established what made them at odds with each other. Most of the members of the group lived around each other and considered themselves to be friends, but I also listened to them talk enough to know that they were at personal odds with each other too.
After some time, I soon realized that the mobsters could only get together enough to gang up against me when they weren’t having issues with each other. In many aspects, they were a house divided against themselves. So they didn’t stand a chance in bringing me down as they’d hoped to do so, and that has really worked out to my advantage.
It turns out that I am a formidable force, and I know it’s not by any power that I possess on my own. Not to be religious, but I do believe the light I pray that shines within me comes from the True Source of Light, God. Although that light within me doesn’t always shine as brightly as I would like because of my own issues getting in the way, that light does shine enough to deter this mob from attempting to darken it with their toxicity. To be honest, the light both repels them and draws them in; they just can’t really figure me out.
Oddly, each of the members of this mob seemingly views me differently now. At least their treatment of me is not as isolating as in the past. Now, I guess I can’t really call them mobsters anymore. After overhearing their diverse life stories which they often discuss with each other when we’re supposed to be working, I’ve come to realize that they are only a part of a mob of bullies against others whom they perceive as different than them.
I’m different than all the members of the mob because I once worked in a profession outside of this particular job, and I’m noticeably different in the way I talk and carry myself as well. These aren’t things that make me better than them, but those things do make me noticeably different. It’s obvious I’m an educated professional and don’t behave in the immature ways in which they choose to behave. However, I could stoop low if I really wanted to, and there have been times I’ve wanted to be a bear and just go off on all of them, but instead, I choose to exercise a lot of patience and self-control.
For the most part, had it not been for the hiring manager who reminds me of my narcissist mother, no one in the workplace, apart from one or two people who knew me outside of the workplace in my previous profession, would have ever known about my previous career. For the record, I am not a talker. So I tend not to elaborate on personal details about myself. Because of that leak of information on the hiring manager’s part, I was set up to be a target of mobbing behaviors from the start.
Presently, though, there’s no one mobbing me. Occasionally, I’ll experience a devaluing comment from a lone bully here and there, but I tend to ignore such negativity and/or remain aloof. Most times, I don’t realize I’m being devalued until after the fact anyway because I take time to process all interactions. I generally mind my business and keep my business out of the workplace. Even though my coworkers don’t keep their business out of the workplace, because talking about their lives seems to be something they love to do, I ultimately gain access to who they are as people.
Essentially, what I’ve discovered is that many of my coworkers are concerned about their own lives and only focus on my life or the lives of others when they behave as if their lives aren’t measuring up in some way. When these coworkers realize that others have their own business, their own personal dilemmas, and their own flaws and insecurities to work through, they don’t really behave as bullies.
In addition, what I’ve also discovered is that many of my coworkers are immature adults struggling through this life to make sense of it in the same ways that I struggle through to make sense of this life. Maybe I don’t behave as immaturely as they do in a professional setting, but I have some of the same struggles too. I don’t necessarily talk about them because I don’t view coworkers as friends, but when I do decide to share something, I believe it’s because it’s likely to help whoever’s listening.
What I’m finding is that many of these coworkers react in the same ways they would most likely react in their home environments. Toxic workplaces often derive from people bringing their toxicity with them from toxic home environments. Some of these coworkers just mirror what hey already know and have been accustomed to from their home environments. So when I see so many family members working within this same place and so many behaviors that are reminiscent of my own dysfunctional family dynamics, it all makes more sense. In fact, I’ve taken note that so many people within this workplace are connected in some way – family, friends, significant others, and/or neighbors. (For me, that’s just too close for comfort.)
The mobsters aren’t necessarily gone; they could just be a problem for someone else. Currently, this mobbing group now talks to me and now regularly shares their frustrations with me. They realize that I listen even if I don’t share much of myself. When I do share, like the time I opened up about selective mutism, they see that I have struggles too. I suppose they just need to see that no one is on a pedestal or thinks of themselves as being better than them. I don’t know, but whatever the case, the mobsters have backed off from their bullying behaviors against me, but that doesn’t mean they won’t come back at me again.
Nevertheless, I wonder if I’ve actually mastered showing that I’m not afraid, but at the same time, I also know that there will always be someone I might have to deal with even if I never go out of my way to offend anyone. Bullies in the workplace do exist, but right now, the ones I’ve had to deal with have shied away from me, and this includes any issues I had with the hiring manager who reminds me so much of my narcissist mother. Even that person has become much nicer to me and speaks to me every time we have an encounter. It’s odd how that happens. Maybe I’ve been put on a shelf as a temporary discard.
Stay tuned … there’s always workplace drama of some sort.
My Voice Unchained 