There’s really no one set reason that brought me to creating a blog, but if I had to pinpoint a reason it would be that my life warranted it. When I’m constantly surrounded by people who behave in a way that leads me to believe that my voice doesn’t matter, then there is a reason to create a blog. If I’m constantly being treated as if my thoughts should remain suppressed, then there is a reason to blog. If my lived experiences are just waiting for the day to no longer exist, then creating a blog gives me the incentive to believe that I have an opportunity to leave an impression on a world that might just want to hear what I have to say.
My voice has been chained. It has been confined to silence. No one knows what a chained voice is like unless they do. It is hard to explain. I liken a chained voice to a heavy but foreboding and evil darkness that sucks up one’s entire being. It’s like being in a nightmare where speaking is an impossibility because the air is so thick that invisible but heavy weights keep the mouth from even forming words. That’s exactly how I have felt around toxic people. That’s exactly how I’ve felt for the bulk of my life. My voice has been chained shut for too long, and I’m exhausted by it. I figure if I can’t speak audibly, I can at least write (or type) my words into existence.
Speaking shouldn’t be a permissible task, but around narcissists and/or their associates (often called flying monkeys), the rules of permissibility are unspoken. I never realize that I can’t speak until I notice how many eggshells I’m having to walk on. I never realize how invaluable my voice is until I am dealt the silent treatment, stonewalled, or discarded. (These are some of the most hurtful behaviors that a narcissist wields from a bag of manipulation and control tactics.) With toxic personalities, I have often been shunned into silence. I’ve taken note that my voice has no place in their midst. With this line of belief, I’ve also taken it a step further. I often feel as if my voice simply has no place anywhere.
My voice unchained speaks to that place I’ve remained for far too long, and unfortunately, the chains weren’t always brought about by others. Sometimes I created my own chains because it was just better to remain silent. I’d even come to believe that my voice wasn’t worth being heard. I kept everything like my thoughts, my feelings, and my ideas to myself. When I could get anyone to listen, it felt like a release until I felt the shame and embarrassment from having overshared. Over the years, however, my saving grace has been keeping a journal. Through journaling I was able to freely express my thoughts without being ridiculed or shamed for what I had to say.
Now, I’ve decided to join so many others in giving voice to my circumstances through blogging. My Voice Unchained is my way of sharing my personal story dealing with the effects of narcissistic abuse. My Voice Unchained is my way of regaining control and speaking out against a toxic environment of people that not only refuse to hear me but violate my right to be heard. My Voice Unchained is a safe place for me to express what my journey through life has been like with a few people that carry strong traits of narcissistic personality disorder.
My Voice Unchained 