Narc Identify Theft

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Imitation is said to be the sincerest form of flattery, but from my experience, imitation by a narcissist is the sincerest form of identity theft.

Identify Theft

A few years ago, I watched a made-for-TV movie called Identity Theft based on the true story of Michelle Brown. To make a long movie plot short, Michelle’s financial information and social security number were stolen by a woman named Connie who worked for the mortgage company through which Michelle was purchasing her first home. Connie envied everything about Michelle and decided she would have Michelle’s life by going on a spending spree racking up enormous charges on Michelle’s credit card.

Connie not only stole Michelle’s financial information, she also changed her physical appearance to look like Michelle. Using Michelle’s social security number, Connie ultimately became Michelle Brown. She embodied Michelle entirely. After two years of living life as Michelle, Connie was finally caught and arrested but only after she had caused considerable damage to Michelle’s financial credit and name.

Narcissists Are Identify Thieves

The movie Identity Theft is a prime example of how narcissists use identity theft against others. They are generally envious people, and they don’t just steal from one person. They steal from whoever appeals to them for their purpose. Their persona is basically a collection from different people they envy. Essentially, they spend enough time around you to study you so that they become an even better version of you. They practice becoming you by stealing your mannerisms, your words, your style, and your story. They want you out of the picture so that they can become you. They will take enough of your personality so that no one will miss you.

I’ve seen time and time again how narcissists do this, and if I didn’t know I was me, I’d sincerely believe the narc was ME! Sometimes even their associates (often referred to as flying monkeys) will steal your identity too – especially when the narc spends so much time trying to triangulate situations, but I’ll speak on that in another blog.

Anyway, when the narc is with you, they will display a different person other than who they are so that each time they are with someone different, they will present themselves as someone else that they’ve mirrored. They absorb the best character traits of others and present those traits as their own. Who would know the difference when they are usually never around the same group of people at the same time?

For instance, I’ve known four different female narcissists at different times, and as close I thought I was with each of them, I realized that I never knew their other friends. I was never around their other friends enough to get to know them. Little did I know that despite me not being around, the best of my qualities were always on display with the narcs’ friends. I didn’t realize this until I just happened to be with the narcs and their friends at the same time. When I saw the narcs on display doing something I would do, saying something I would say, or telling my personal story as their story, I was flabbergasted.

My Personal Experience With Narc Identity Theft

One particular situation with a narc’s identity theft really creeped me out. This narc was obsessed! I didn’t notice the identity theft until I was literally staring myself in the face, except the physical face wasn’t mine. It was the narc’s face! I didn’t notice the changes in the narc’s personality until things had gone too far. By the end of this ordeal, I had to find a way to confront the narc about it. It was an extremely delicate but frustrating situation. I developed severe anxiety just dealing with it.

I considered the narc a friend before I realized the narc was a narc. This narc friend would make comments that I found weird but really wouldn’t give much thought to until much later. Early on in the friendship, the narc was insistent that we become roommates despite us both owning our homes. Each time I would laugh the narc’s suggestions off not really thinking the narc was serious. When the narc had the hopes of coming into some money, the narc propositioned me about selling my home and moving into a guest house with the narc and the narc’s family. The narc was serious! Fortunately, the narc’s money hopes were dashed, and I dodged a home infested narc hole.

Although I never had any intentions of selling my home or moving in with the narc, the narc was always relentlessly pushing me to consider it. I found it particularly alarming when the narc commented that they just wanted to take care of me. It was then that I started feeling creeped out and began distancing myself from the narc. The narc was persistent, however, and attempted different angles to embody me by basically imitating everything that I did.

If I posted something on social media, the narc would post something similar. If I had a conversation with the narc and gave the narc some insights, the narc would post my words as their own words. The narc’s friends and followers would be none the wiser. After all, we didn’t share the same friends or followers. The narc’s behavior was highly annoying to the point that I hated even scrolling through my social media for fear I’d come across the narc’s posts. I actually quit social media for a while. What could I post that hadn’t already been stolen from me?

If I announced anything good that happened to me or shared a personal memory, the narc would post it on their page as their good news or memory. By the time I was introduced to some of the narc’s friends, the narc was already presenting as me even though the friends were unaware. This was the main reason I was never invited to meet up with the narc’s friends because the narc’s cover would be blown and the narc exposed.

Over time, the narc’s imitation of me increased to where I no longer shared anything about myself with the narc. At the same time, I considered the narc a close friend and would always second guess red flags believing maybe I was the problem, but when I decided to return to school for an advanced degree, the narc proposed we apply to school together. I was angry because the narc had taken a happy and joyous moment away from me. I felt like I couldn’t have anything for myself without the narc stealing it. Fortunately, the narc bowed out of the idea to pursue an advanced degree because of the amount of effort required for the program.

Yet, the narc’s imitation of me still continued on. Whenever I did anything, the narc did it too, and took it a step further to post about it. There was always a major attempt to one-up me on everything even if it meant the narc going into financial debt. When I was in a terrible car accident that totaled my car, I had no choice but to get a new car. The narc purchased a new car two months after I purchased mine and made sure to get a newer version of a similar model. Each time someone complimented us on one of our cars, the narc would be sure to compare how their car was better than my car.

Needless to say, the narc’s behavior continued and progressed in even more ways of imitation until I couldn’t take it anymore. The final straw came when the narc began showing up to therapy appointments using the same therapist that I used for therapy. I was mortified, and in that moment when I saw the narc sitting in the waiting room with a glassy-eyed smug look, I walked into my therapist’s office and had a meltdown … a full-blown panic attack. This narc had so invaded my life that I no longer felt like me anymore. She was me. That was it. I’d had it.

I canceled therapy for a while after that episode because I no longer trusted my therapist. Since a therapist, by law, must maintain confidentiality with clients, I had no way of knowing if this narc was pretending to be me talking about issues that were mine and possibly getting a sense on how those issues could be alleviated. The next time I met together with the narc, I laid it all out and finally expressed myself. I did so in the most gentle way possible when I really wanted to rip the narc a new one – a new life, a new direction, and a new #@#@##@!

For a time, I distanced myself from the narc and found that new supply had come into the narc’s life. I also believe the narc knew how far they had pushed me and decided to discard me for a while. I was more than okay with this momentary discard so that I could gather my bearings and pull myself together. I soon became busy with school and too busy to care about the narc. I also used that time of distance to take time for self-care, and I spent a lot of time researching this phenomenon of narc identity theft.

Although I dealt with varying forms of a narc’s attempt at identity theft, I found this experience by far to be one the worst. When I detect envy coming towards me from a person I consider to be a friend or anyone with narc tendencies, I gracefully pull away from the person. It’s just not worth it to me to be cloned by someone else. Based on my experiences, imitation does not flatter but only diminishes. I think a person is better off being the best version of themselves. After all, we are all unique. There’s no better copy than the original.