Time Snatchers

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Nothing annoys me more than someone who does not respect my time. Time is one of my most valuable commodities, and it is not something I will easily part with unless there is a well-explained reason. Emergencies also need to be defined because from my experience, some people will do anything to rob me of my time.

As much as I’d like to believe that time is a theoretical construct, I am slapped back into reality. Days turn into nights and weeks turn into years. It may be a construct, but my time doesn’t stand still. I age; we all age. Life moves on. If I somehow don’t meet the construct of time, I might be fired from my job, charged for missing an appointment, or lose points from an assignment.

Either way, without time, there’s no way of knowing I’m late, and there’s no way of knowing my time has been wasted. I’d say time is a social construct, but that’s not really the topic of my post here. This is all about the social construct of time being wasted … something that I don’t have enough of when I realize how little of it that I have left.

Time snatchers are the bane of my existence. They are not only narcissists, they could be anyone who simply does not value my time in the way that I do. Yet, narcissists or those with some serious narc tendencies can be the worst when it comes to being time snatchers. In my case, I always recognize it as a competition for control. If I choose not to play a narc’s game, then I’m going to call it a win.

Once I realize that a person is trying to control my time, the competition is on because because I fight for what is sacred to me. Nothing makes me angrier than seeing moments of my life flash before eyes that could-have or would-have been when a narcissist has taken control of my time. I’ll give an example.

I recall a time that a now former narc friend and I both had the same day off from work. I made sure the narc knew that I definitely had plans. The narc always had the impression that I spent my days off in leisure. I did. Those were the plans. I always planned to leisurely do nothing. Why do I need to lie? With a narc, however, lying just might be one’s best option. Yet, why do I have to change my life for a narc? They wouldn’t do the same for me? Nevertheless … {*eyes rolling}

I will say for the record, this narc friend had not been diagnosed as a narcissist, but I’m certain that a clinician would agree with me based on the criteria from the DSM-5. If the shoe fits, a narc diagnosis one will get. Plus, I had been friends with this narc for over 10 years going back and forth trying to figure out all of the narc-filled behaviors that were making me crazy. Outside of that diagnosis, a clinician might have gone a step further to say “sociopath”, and I don’t say that lightly either just because of a level of sociopathic craziness that I had never experienced with any other narc with the exception of one.

But getting back on topic regarding the day off … It is obvious with a narc that whatever has been planned will be covertly changed to fit their agenda. So somehow I was convinced that a ride with the narc going to one of my favorite book stores would be anything but a time waster. I couldn’t lose if I was going to my favorite place, right? Wrong! I was so wrong!

We did go to the bookstore and was there for the agreed upon length of time. Yet, on the way back to my home, there were so many intermittent stops that the narc needed to make since these stops just happened to be enroute to my home. I soon realized exactly what had happened.

First, the narc needed to stop for gas which then became a stop at the store and then became a need for something else until I realized how much of my time had gotten away from me. By the time I arrived home, I was quietly livid. The narc knew exactly what they’d done but had played it all off as innocent while playing me for a fool. The narc behaved as if I shouldn’t have been angry because the narc claimed the stops were important to make sure the narc’s children would have what they needed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah … throw in a sad sob story and that was supposed to be okay, but I knew it was the narc’s way of manipulating me, and if I showed any anger, that would tell the narc how I felt about the narc’s children’s needs. Again, I was quietly fuming on the inside while silently giving her words warm wishes in many foreign languages in my head. The narc knew what they’d done, and they enjoyed making me angry even if I tried hard not to show it.

After that experience, I realized how much the narc wanted to prove to me and themself how much they could control me and my time. The narc never apologized for wasting my time. Instead the narc feasted on my silent fury knowing that their job of controlling my time had been accomplished because I had allowed the narc to accomplish it even if I believed that we were simply going to the bookstore. The fact that I had already stated I had planned to do nothing should have been the narc’s cue to let me be, but a narc doesn’t see cues as boundaries. Narc’s don’t respect boundaries that aren’t clearly established especially when I agreed to something after stating something very different from the beginning.

So, looking back, I never recommend trying to beat a narc at their own game because it’s like running a race that makes for an impossible finish. It’s like a hamster on a wheel that never knows how to make a stop to get off. It’s a continual competition that has never made sense to me. Why on earth would someone else want to disrupt precious time belonging to others? The narc just does and that’s the reason.

I just know that this situation so angered me that I refused to ever go anywhere else with the narc if they were going to drive. I hate the feeling of being stuck in a corner with no way out. That’s why I always sit on the end with seating arrangements to make a quick exit, and it’s also why I never park where I see no escape. I don’t like feeling controlled by others in any situation that feels like they are taking ownership of my time, and for years this narc told me that this exact line of thinking (not wanting others to control me) was my fear of control. Well duh! Ya think?

With this ex-narc friend and currently any other person in general who displays a need to control me, I always choose to drive separately so that I can make my escape when I am ready to leave. From this example as experience and similar situations like this that were less extreme, I’ve been left with the realization that my time is of the essence even if others don’t agree. I’m not going to just let someone snatch my time [even though narcs surely find their ways to do so].