A Clean Sweep

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The process of eliminating a narcissist from my life – of clearing the air of a narcissist’s narcissistic residue – is quite refreshing. I often reflect on how I should have begun making the break from any narcissist [I break free from] long ago. It is in times like these that I consider making a clean sweep – of simply cutting off all forms of contact from every narcissist that is in my life and every person in my life displaying extreme narcissistic traits.

That clean sweep is a lot easier said than done. If it were not for the strong emotions that I feel when even making preparations to do just this, I think I would have no problems making a clean sweep. I just wish that I was not so emotionally invested in these types of people. I just wish that I did not give so much of myself that I have to retrieve remnants of me when a relationship with a narcissist ends. I wish I could be like them in some way – callous, uncaring, unempathetic, and distant. Yet, this is not me.

Callous, uncaring, unempathetic, and distant is not me until it seems to the narcissist that I have flipped on them which is usually the way they view it. But no, it is not like that for me at all. I even care about how to plan the break. I want it to be as painless as possible for them although I am the one who feels like I am dying on the inside. To be honest, I do not even know why I care so much about their feelings during a break when they cared nothing about me the entire length of the faux relationship.

Anyway, it is seriously on my mind, though, to make a clean break from all of these narcissistic so-called friends. I am tired, no, I am exhausted, and I have reached a point in my life where I no longer want the hassle of these types of interactions with people. I am in a place where I am willing to do what is necessary to keep myself free from narcissists. I have work through therapy for years in dealing with depression, and at some point, a light bulb switched on out of nowhere. I saw clearly that a lot of my depressive symptoms had a lot to do with the effects of trauma I have suffered in relationships of entanglements with narcissists.

Knowing that I will never be free unless I do something to change my situation, I am willing to do whatever it takes to learn, to grow, and to heal. Yet, to do this, to make these changes, I must first be willing to make a clean sweep. Anybody with a “wonder broom”? This is going to take some time. I know it.

Stay tuned …