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Today I realized that I have no true friends that live within my vicinity that will help me when I need it. I have no true friends that will help me without pretense. I have no true friends that will help me. I have no true friends … at least not around me.
The people that I considered friends have all turned out to have narcissistic traits. Many of them have shown contempt for me. I can tell they do not want to help me. I now realize that I am/was a friend to them, but they have not been very good friends to me.
I felt cheated today as I sought for sources of help but had no one. I could not even reach out to these “friends” in my darkest moment. Instead, it was a neighbor that saw my plight and offered assistance. Wow!
Each time it rains in a metaphorical sense, I cannot depend on friends who are narcissists. Instead, I sense them sitting back watching and grinning their way into happiness over my sufferings. They only come to help when their help puts them in the spotlight so that they have an audience that praises them for being the friends that they actually never really are to me.
What am I saying though? I cannot depend on friends who are narcissists because narcissists are not true friends to anyone. Two narcissistic friends called me after the fact, after they knew my help was needed prior to them reaching out. They were silent – somehow letting their silence devalue me. Only after knowing that neighbors who are not my friends came through for me did these two narcissists claim their concerns. It was too late. I heard them, but the pain of their absences had already been felt so deeply within me.
Today, it felt like I was handed a low blow. When it rains, it does pour. When it rains, I pick myself up and track into the drizzle of droplets from the sky and make the best of the rain drops that fall upon my head. When it rains, I already know I cannot depend on a narcissist for an umbrella. If I am given one, I am sure it has a defect. When it rains, I am prepared.
My Voice Unchained 