It Makes No Sense That I Am A Passionate Talkaholic

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I Am A Passionate Talkaholic-ing Introvert

I am a passionate talkaholic, but it makes no sense. It makes no sense because I am an introvert. In fact, most would call me deeply introverted – near the far extreme of introversion. Yet, when I find that I talk to certain people, I become a passionate talkaholic.

I try to stop, but I cannot. In fact, I am most often disappointed within myself by how I have carried on with such a lengthy conversation by always finding a way to string one idea to the next with whatever pops up within my head.

There are times when my talking too much is worse than it is at other times. Right now, I am at a loss in true friendships. One would think I would be silent, but I just talk and talk and talk. In fact, with both the right (safe) people and wrong (narcissistic) people in my life, I talk a lot. If there is a topic I love, I am going to talk about it.

Even when I do not want to talk, I talk. I will express myself – my thoughts, my opinions, and my ideas. As of late, I have been talking to narcissists. Limiting contact with narcissists in my life works until there is a passionate topic that comes up. Then I quickly forget that a narcissist is my listening audience.

Why I Talk So Much

In therapy, the issue of my talkativeness was discussed in terms of my battle with depression and anxiety, but when I am depressed, I shut down. I do not talk. I do not engage. Then there is anxiety. Perhaps I talk because I am actually trying to present a false persona and the excessive talking covers up who I really am. If that were true, though, then narcissists would not have so much to use against me. Plus, I am extremely empathic, and narcissists have no empathy.

Furthermore, in social settings I have high social anxiety. I tend to clamor up and not talk at all. In fact, I sometimes become completely mute in which words do not escape my lips. I cannot even make a sound. In individual settings I can be as quiet as a mouse when I have no interest in the topic of discussion or if I am completely engulfed in listening to the speaker. Only if a topic comes up that I am passionate about will I possibly venture into discussion, but in social settings, I am too filled with anxiety to even take a risk at having conversation.

Then, there was my former therapist’s discussion about my diagnosed adult ADHD (Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder). After a long day, my mind is always unable to shut down and words in my brain are laid out like a transcript for me to read. My struggle with my ADHD is one of many reasons I journal when my mind seems filled with stuff because I get a lot more words out from typing that I do from talking. However, I do not struggle with impulse control issues, and I do not tend to speak out of turn or interrupt others. I just do not stop talking.

I Just Keep Talking

If I am thinking, I need to talk about it. In fact, all of my thinking tends to come out in words when I have someone to talk to even if the listener (who is usually a narcissist) is pretending to listen. Unfortunate for me is the fact that narcissists are not true sounding boards that absorb what I have to say just to listen to me. Despite this fact, however, I still talk anyway because I feel that I must eject the information that has been screaming to get out of my vocal box and out of my brain. Besides, it is normally by the listener’s request that I share, but I know that I have a tendency to go on and on. At least this is how I feel after the fact. I literally feel as if I have overshared, but then I cannot stop myself.

Remedies I Have Tried To Stop Being A Talkaholic

To remedy this issue of talkativeness, I have attempted a few things and some without success. First, I have set a timer that I quickly override and stop. I cannot keep track of a timer when I have so much to say. Second, I have asked others to stop me, but that never happens. Even when it does happen, there is something that even the listener finds for me to talk about. It is simply outrageous that I have the energy to talk for such an extended time. Third, I have taken three different medications for ADHD, and each were unsuccessful for me in that I suffered from having just one thought flash through my mind. It was as if my mind was a blank slate. I literally became depressed from boredom, and I was robbed of being able to talk about passionate topics I love so much. Finally, journaling about everything that is on my mind has been somewhat helpful so that by the time I do talk to someone else, I have little to talk about. Yet, over talking is still an issue when I am talking to people I know as friends. (It is never an issue with people I do not know as close friends.)

So when does the excessive talking stop? My talkaholic chronicles abruptly end when I have absolutely nothing to say because nothing else needs to be said. Do you have any suggestions I have not mentioned that can help me with this problem of being a talkaholic? I would be so grateful. Thank you! 🙂