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Estranged Relationship
Currently, I have an estranged relationship with my mother. Can I really say estranged though? In a way, I cannot say that because my mother and I have actually never been close. We have never shared mother-daughter moments. There has always been distance. I tried so hard as a child and adolescent to grow close to my mother but to no avail. By the time I became an adult, I had given up hope that my mother and me would ever have a relationship at all.
We don’t. We don’t have a relationship at all. We are estranged because of me and because of her. I have no contact at all with my mother by my choice. I do not contact her for my peace of mind. During those times where contact with her must happen, I go grey rock. Yet, even the grey rock method of becoming emotionally detached – by responding to my mother with very little words that make for a boring conversation – does not distract her from her main goal of trying to control me.
Specifically, I had no choice but to institute no-contact with my mother. My mother is a malignant covert narcissist. She has a relentless need to subdue, overtake, and malign me in any way that she can do so. She has everyone in my hometown believing that I am the worst daughter that any mother could ever have in this life. People actually believe her because I am never around her. I rarely visit. I rarely reach out. I do not call her.
However, these people fail to realize or understand who I am dealing with when it comes to my mother. They have absolutely no idea. They only know my mother as the person she chooses very carefully to present them. Unless they have encountered the side of the woman that I know as my mother, they have no idea she is a malignant covert narcissist. For years, even I did not have nor know this label for my mother even though I knew something was very off with her when I was three-years-old after a terrifying experience with her rage.
My Absence Is My Mother’s Fuel
My absence has been my mother’s fuel. Because she cannot get to me, she makes attempts to do so. Although I unwittingly gave her my most recent home address, she has never visited my home. I have forbidden her to do so. She is not welcome here. I do not want her drama to impede my serene atmosphere. I have already told my siblings that I will have a restraining order against her if she should decide to be bold enough to show up unannounced to my home.
My reaction to my mother may seem mean and even cruel to the average person. It is not. To someone who lives with a narcissist or has dealt with a narcissist in a close way, my refusal to cave into my mother’s whims of contact are for my own safety and sanity. My decision would be easily understood and even applauded by victims and survivors of narcissists. I chose myself. I chose health. I chose sanity. I chose me. I am in the present still choosing myself, my health, and my sanity. I am presently choosing me.
In her manipulative attempts, my mother has feigned financial ruin, homelessness, and even illnesses to get to me. She has gone as far as to have someone drive her out of her state and into my state to the local area hospital closest to my home city just so she could call me to tell me she was in the hospital. Her wicked ploy was meant to incite me to action on her part. She wanted me to come and visit her. I did not. I did not even take her call. I let her call go to my voicemail. I did not even listen to her message immediately.
I have blocked my mother from being able to get through to me by telephone despite the number of different telephone numbers she has owned for the purpose of simply contacting me. All of her calls go to voicemail, but I am not alerted that she has even called me. In an accidental search on my phone regarding voicemail, I found literally hundreds of voicemail messages that she has left me pertaining to my no-contact boundary against her. Each message is literally the same with her manipulating the sound of her voice so that she comes across as either sick, sad, dying or all three in an attempt to get me to bend or break my will and contact her.
I have blocked my mother on all forms of social media. She attempts to get me to respond to her in any way that she can do so even if it means opening up multiple accounts in an attempt to befriend me. She has even used the accounts of others to attempt to contact me as well. I still do not respond to her. In fact, I do not respond to anyone who messages me about my mother, and believe me when I say she has successfully turned so many relatives from her side of the family against me as well as people from my home town to the point that I do not communicate with anyone on social media that has some possible link to my mother. I have hundreds of social media friends and relatives combined who have connections to my mother.
Currently, I am either silent or using a pseudonym to communicate with people that have nothing to do with my social media friends and family. I am a brick wall. I will not allow my mother to penetrate me. If I could only be so strong with other narcissists that I know, I would be safe. I would be above the drama that these narcissists are always trying to bring into my life. Yet, it has taken me years to get to this place with my mother. My will has been broken by her. I have found in past times to bend to her will. I simply would give in just to get her to leave me alone. I was once afraid to block her.
For the longest time, I was afraid of going no-contact with my mother fearing that it was far too extreme and fearing the open rebuke and judgement from others. Yet, the one thing that I have learned with narcissists, one can never be too extreme when it comes to regaining peace and security. I will take all the ridicule necessary if it means that I am ensured my peace from my mother’s antics. Absolutely no one, besides my siblings, know my mother the way I know her. She’s one of the most dangerous malignant covert narcissists that I have ever known.
Stay tuned for more …
My Voice Unchained 