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Moving Away
After some time of realizing that I needed to clear my life of negative attachments, I decided to move to another state. It was the best decision for my life at the time, and if I had to do it all over again, I would have chosen to move even further away … to a different state thousands of miles away or even to another country. Sometimes, narcissistic parents will go to great lengths to control their children, and the fact that their children are adults is not enough of a deterrent to stop these types of parents. Narcissistic parents want what they want, and when they believe they have an entitlement to regain control of your life, they stop at nothing to do so even if that means following you when you do move away.
Adjustments
Moving away is what I did to get away from my mother and other toxic situations in my life. I am so glad that I did, but it took some time for my mother to adjust to not having me at her beck and call. She followed me by coming to visit me fairly often until it became a nuisance for her to do so. When things with her life were improving to where I was no longer a viable type of narcissistic supply from her, I went many years without hearing from her. If she did contact me, it was to borrow money, and when I refused, I was subjected to a series of verbally abusive replies. Eventually, I gained the courage to just hang up on her.
My mother only adjusted enough to my move because I was out of sight, but I was surely was not out of her mind. She always managed to call me right before I was attending some event or during an early morning on the weekend just as in times past when she sought to monopolize my weekends. She never ceased to berate me or demean me in some way after gleefully asking me how I was doing. She was sadistic in that way. She could smile and joke about things but then in the same sentence devalue me as if that was part of her joke. I never knew what to expect from her except some level of insanity. I hated her calls because I was always left to pick myself back up from an emotional downfall afterwards.
And Then There Was A Period Of Silence
I can tell you with certainty that I was overjoyed when my mother was silent. Peace reigned within my life to a certain extent, and my life progressed to a healthy place to where I was able to begin the process of dealing with my internal issues and the process of healing from them. I was never the daughter to pick up the phone and call my family because I never wanted to be roped into any of their drama. So when there was silence for them for long stretches – particularly my mother, I took pleasure in knowing that I could have time for myself away from the narcissistic noise.
Time for myself meant working through a lot of my issues in therapy. I did work through a host of issues, but I found it quite frustrating, however, when my former therapist never truly addressed the issues I had with my mother. Frankly, there were times that I simply had no tolerance for talking about my mother. Other times, I was addressing more relevant issues regarding other narcissistic individuals with very similar traits like my mother who tormented my life in ways that she did not because she lived so far away.
As much as my former therapist seemed trained for dealing with my problems, I could not blame her if she grew exhausted with all of the dramatic people that constantly circulated into my life for its destruction. My mother was no exception. It is just at this time, she was eerily silent. The period of silence from my mother lasted until my life changed in a rather amazing way for me. I had already relocated twice to different cities away from my first destination when I had moved to my new state.
Years had passed, and my life had dramatically changed so much that many people who knew me found that I had become unrecognizable. I had changed so much from working through my issues and standing firm and tall on my own two feet. Most saw me as a brand new person. In fact, I felt like a brand new person. I felt like the “me” that I was born to be but was restricted from being because of the controlling natures of my parents. Now, however, I felt no longer reliant on my parents or anyone else for that matter when it came to issues of dependency and codependency. Although I still had a long way to go, I was stronger. I felt secure. Yet, I had no idea that I was about about to be put to a grand test. The test was designed to rock me to my core.
Find out in my next post the test that I faced with my malignant covert narcissistic mother.
My Voice Unchained 