When Narcissists Use The Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of punishment used by narcissists to stir the emotions of their victims. The silent treatment is emotional abuse. Narcissists attempt to control their victims by refraining from speaking to them.
Narcissists use the silent treatment to control their victims. They control with their silence by showing a range of behaviors that display as emotions. Their silent treatment can be rendered as contempt, disapproval, displeasure, disdain, and anger for and against their victims.
The silent treatment is usually displayed by narcissists in nonverbal gestures such as the dead cold glare of hatred coming from their eyes. Sometimes narcissists do not even look at their victims. They dismiss their victims altogether by pretending they do not even see their victims. This heartless dismissive disdain towards their victims is often quite a painful experience for victims.
Most of the time, the silent treatment is usually not recognized by others unless, of course, the narcissists have made others privy to the supposed issues they are having with their victims. In that case, others (enablers of narcissists or flying monkeys) will also react towards narcissists’ victims with the silent treatment as well. In fact, narcissists and their circle of friends will often shun their victims with the silent treatment often rendering victims feeling helpless, shut out, and alone.
The Damage of the Silent Treatment
From my experience, the silent treatment most happens in the devalue and discard phases of the cycle of narcissistic abuse. I have often felt at a loss for words when narcissists have yielded their silence upon me. I am left to wonder what I have done wrong even when I may have done nothing to deserve such mistreatment.
For narcissists, anything that they have perceived to have experienced from me as narcissistic injury will cause them to inflict their silence against me. For whatever slight that I have done to them, narcissists will use their silence in an attempt to manipulate me into submission. Unfortunately for them, I do not do well with submission according to their plans. Any display of noncompliance on my part will yield their narcissistic silence and leave me in the land of dark exile.
Besides being banished to the island of their silence, I might often feel distress and discomfort because I do not know the thoughts of the narcissist. Yet, experience has taught me a lot. Narcissists have very predictable behavior. They idealize, devalue, and discard. Then they repeat. I have often been left to walk on eggshells as I attempt to discern their motives against me.
For years within these narcissistic relationships, I have longed for the days that we (the narcissists and me) would return to normalcy. I would long for the days that their rays of smiles and sunshine would be cast back upon me so that I could no longer feel their cold silence. However, the longer these narcissistic rages of silence tended to go on against me, the more I became accustomed to the fact that I was coming close to their phase of discard.
After years of this outrageousness, I became okay with their narcissistic behavior. Well, maybe the word “okay” is not the right word. Maybe I became accustomed to narcissists’ behaviors enough to know what to expect from them. In fact, silence for me is golden. After all, I am an introvert, and I crave moments of silence. I crave a lot of silence.
Yet, over time, I have developed enough thick skin that the silent treatment of narcissists and other devaluing tactics they use do not bruise me as much. In fact, I take their silent treatment as a gift. Their silence only means that I do not have to deal with them for a while or their continuous diabolical circle of drama in my life. Their silence is actually good for me.
Dashing the Silence
The only thing that makes the silent treatment of narcissists even better for me is when their silence reigns forever because they have either discarded me or I have slammed the door on them out of my life. Mainly, their silence reigns forever when I have cut them out of my life. Even if they discard me, they always eventually come back into my life. Otherwise, the silent treatment of narcissists usually ends when they decide they need me for narcissistic supply (because I surely do not need them).
In the past though, either I would break the silence because I could not stand the distance and disliked not knowing what I had done to cause the narcissists’ silent indifference towards me. However, as I have gained a better understanding of narcissistic personality disorder traits and have found myself less tolerant of narcissists’ toxic behaviors, I could care less if the silence is dashed by the narcissists. I no longer look to stop their silence. I no longer care that they are silent. I find them to be petty and always playing petty games. I would rather them discard themselves because I have come to be so over them.
Nevertheless, when the silence is broken, narcissists go back to either the lovebombing stage of idealizing me as if nothing happened, or they covertly devalue me. After all, the anger of narcissists is still present even if they do not display it towards me. They are still angry with me. I am always aware of their anger. It breeds and grows within them. I can see it. They do not forget, and they do not let things go. At some point, they will go back to using their silence against me until I am either influenced by it enough to do what they want or they are bored with my non-reaction to their silent treatment, and they decide for their sakes that they would rather discard me.
The Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is the beast of all narcissistic devaluing and discarding tactics in my opinion. With the silent treatment, narcissists are able to say so much without ever saying a word. They are able to inflict heartache that often feels indescribable in mere words. The silent treatment is a control tactic narcissists use to get their way. They want to bend their victims’ wills. While in the process of their silence, they seek to silence their victims too. Narcissists purposefully withhold communication in an effort to cause great emotional distress. The silent treatment is a part of their power and control.
You will know their silence not just from the mere fact that they do not speak to you but also in the fact that they use their body language to let you know they are treating you to their silence. They often do not even dare cast their gaze upon you. From their stiff body language that never points in your direction to acknowledge your existence to their annihilating and piercing stare of hatred, narcissists seek to control you with nonverbal cues.
Any sounds that do come from their mouths might actually be in the form of grunts and sighs. Their nonverbal sounds exhibited towards you shows their disdain for you. Their silence also shows you their contempt for you. If you should ever experience the silent treatment from a narcissist, you will certainly be aware. For their silence is often nothing more than an inward temper tantrum towards you to get their way.
Stay tuned for more on this narcissistic abuse tactic from a few pages out of my life.
My Voice Unchained 