The Silence of the Wolves – Part I

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The Silence of the Wolves

When the wolves in my life are silent, it is a good thing. Once upon a time, however, I did not realize how good of a thing the silence of these wolves could be, but I also did not realize that these wolves were actually wolves. I saw the wolves as friends, family, and lovers. These wolves did not appear as wolves until I began to study and understand narcissistic personality disorder.

The silence of the wolves represents the silent treatment of the narcissists within my life. Over the years, I have come to adjust to their silences that are meant to punish me for some wrong they have perceived that I have done to them. I no longer care how long they are silent. I enjoy those moments because it means there is a decrease of the drama they frequently bring into my life. That drama usually has nothing to do with me, but somehow, they make it about me.

No. Now, I do not mind the silence, but in the past, the silent treatment from narcissists would deeply open the wounds that were already within my heart. Those wounds would open wide as I tried to figure out the reasons as to why I was being mistreated and why I was denied the very presence and the very voice of those narcissists within my life. I felt rejection. I felt abandoned. I felt heartbreak.

Now, I no longer care. Now, I use the silent treatment of narcissists to ignite my own passions to pull myself further away from them … to distance myself to a point that they might no longer desire to keep me in their lives. I actually hope that within their silence that these narcissists will discard me so I no longer have to deal with them, but I realize that this is simply me being passive.

The Silence of One Wolf

This past June, I used the silent treatment of a narcissist against me to finally cut myself away from the toxic relationship I had with this narcissist. I blocked this narcissist from contact with me. I had reached the limit with this narcissist’s games. This narcissist baited me with the promise of a birthday gettogether that I knew instinctively would never happen.

I knew that this narcissist was still angry with me for not participating in a group gift for her from months prior. I knew that I had a punishment from her coming, and I knew the deepest way she might think to hurt me was to not acknowledge me on my birthday. I know this because I have experienced her silence on this day before a few years ago when I began to learn she was a wolf.

I believe this narcissist took my nonparticipation in her group gift from several months ago as a direct insult to her because it was clear to her other “friends” that I did not participate. That was a public embarrassment to her even though she was not even a part of the group text that was sent to me and other friends about this gift for her by her husband. I suppose I added injury to insult. I did not even respond to anyone in the group text since the husband had already spoken to me off the cuff about the group gift. I had already explained to the husband that I preferred not to participate in a group gift. He claimed he understood, but the very next day, the best friend (a enabling flying monkey) sent out a group text which included the narcissist’s husband and at least five or six other “friends”.

There was no way I was falling for the best friend not knowing that the husband and I had a conversation because the best friend is always in the “know”. I believe she was used as a ploy to pull me into giving towards the gift under the ruse that she would have never known what I had already told the husband even though I know that the best friend knew what was up. In essence, they were all attempting to force me to give to a gift to which I had already said that I did not want to give. They were forcing my “no” to be a “yes”, but it did not work.

In fact, I was already suspicious with the narcissist’s husband contacting me since I do not talk to other women’s husbands without their knowledge. He came under the guise of his concern for his wife and blah blah blah when he nor his wife have ever talked to me about their concerns. In fact, those were the types of conversations the narcissist and her husband always had with her best friend. So, I was deeply suspicious and took note of this contact. I held this in the back of my mind for later. It was a red flag.

Despite my desire to want to give a gift to the narcissist without being a part of a group and celebrate her as I have always done with a treat to dinner for her birthday, my lack of participating with the group publicly through text messaging was taken by her to be a narcissistic injury to her self-esteem. I noted this and knew that she was planning a narcissistic attack against me. Because I know narcissists and how they operate, I was expecting her to launch an attack. I was also prepared for it to be her last attack. I was done with her games. I was done with this narcissistic abuse cycle with her. I was just done.

I knew that this narcissist, whom I referred to in previous posts as a Professional Gaslighting Narcissist, only baited me so that she could hurt me by not celebrating my birthday. Instead of a gettogether, she chose to punish me with her silence by not even contacting me on my birthday. She gaslighted me for the final time by simply baiting me to something she never planned to go through with in the first place. She planned the ultimate silent treatment as her punishment and gift to me. “Happy Birthday!” Wow! It was a blow without the candles.

Although I was hurt, I was hurt more so because I had trusted her as a friend only to come to realize over time that she was never my friend from the start. Once I came to this realization, I decided to cut her off. I gave her an ultimatum which I never told her about. Instead of verbalizing to her my ultimatum, I decided within myself that I was done with her. When her silent treatment came on the day of my birthday, I blocked her from contacting me and deleted her number from my phone. I cut all ties with her, her family, and even her friends. I resisted the urge to leave myself open. I completely let go of her.

Even though the Professional Gaslighting Narcissist and I live in the same community with a two-mile distance away from each other’s homes, I have not physically laid eyes on her in months. I have counted her as out of my life for good, and my life is far better without her in it. I do not have to put up with her narcissistic personality, and I am grateful that I was able to close the door. Her silent treatment was the perfect gift and end to a friendship of facades … a friendship that was one-sided in all its glory. Although I grieved, I came to the realization that I grieved a loss that was not even a loss (if that makes sense). I grieved what actually might have been but never was; I grieved an illusion. Yes, my friendship with her was all an illusion.

In hindsight, all the red flags the Professional Gaslighting Narcissist actually presented with as being a narcissist were always there, but it took me a while to convince myself that those signs were really visible. Once those red flag signs became even more clear to me and too painful to ignore, I realized that I could either stay on the crazymaking merry-go-round with her or I could get off. I chose to get off of that crazymaking merry-go-round and have one less narcissist in my life. I have no regrets about cutting this narcissist out of my life. I just regret the time wasted and the lies that I accepted and believed of her. She was never my friend. She was a wolf in my life. Now she is a silent wolf. I take it as a lesson learned along with many.

Stay tuned for more …