A Narcissist’s Response to “I Have No Friends Left”

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I Have No Friends Left

I am literally down to the wire of being alone. I may not be standing in the valley of the shadow of death, but I am standing in a valley alone. I expressed this today out loud to a narcissist in conversation as I continue to grapple with a series of tie breaks I have had with two narcissists. This is obviously my year to unchain my voice and myself from the narcissistic ties that bind me.

“I have no friends left”, I quipped as I talked to The Sinister Minister. She tuned into finally hearing me after a lengthy conversation about other topics that she fought to monopolize by not giving me much opportunity to voice my thoughts about over and over again even on topics that I knew more about than her. No matter what I said during the conversation, she managed to speak to me in a very subtle condescending tone that was also dismissive of what I had to say.

Finally, when there was a change in the pace and topic of our conversation, I found a place to insert the most recent events that have affected me – hoping that it would wake her up to the coming affects that my most recent decision may have on her. Somehow, the topic of toxic friendships came up, and I took my chance to discuss how I was again shutting myself off from a toxic friendship with a narcissist I refer to as The Identity Thief. The ease in which this conversation came up was surely too good to be true, but I took that opportunity to speak my grievance.

To be honest, my desire was to prepare The Sinister Minister for her upcoming place in my life as well, and based on how her tone changed within the conversation that eventually ended as soon as I knew it would, I knew she possibly realized what was occurring. It is not my hope for her to keep a place in my life, but I know how narcissists operate in this area. Without being direct, I gave The Sinister Minister a sign that her own walking papers (out of my life) are on the horizon. I made sure to give as much detail about my plans to rid myself of narcissistic frenemies as much as possible. By the end of of our phone conversation, I was certain that she understood the hint.

A Narcissist’s Response

Narcissists do not want to lose narcissistic supply if there is no reason to lose narcissistic supply. No matter where they are in the cycle of narcissistic abuse with their targets, narcissists are always looking to keep as much narcissistic supply on standby for them. Their very lives thrive on having narcissistic supply. As for me, I am tired. I am exhausted! I am done with the games and the never-ending cycle of being a target of narcissistic abuse. I would rather have no friends at all if they are all going to be narcissists. In fact, the bulk of my circle these last few years has been mainly narcissists.

So during the phone conversation with The Sinister Minister, I took the open window of opportunity to express myself about freeing myself from a narcissist. Although I never used the term “narcissist” to describe the narcissistic friend, I said enough to give The Sinister Minister a clue that I was freeing myself from someone who masqueraded herself to me as a friend but was more or less my enemy. I expressed to her how this person slithered into my life when I least expected it and had been studying me for quite some time before she approached me. This was the same mode of operation that The Sinister Minister used to gain entrance into my life as well.

The Sinister Minister does not know The Identity Thief. To my knowledge, neither of them have ever met. Frankly, knowing them both, I do not even think they would like each other if the did meet, but I could certainly see them coming together in their true dislike of me. Needless to say, I shared with the Sinister Minister my latest relational closure with this narcissist, and the her silence regarding this situation for me was deafening. I knew right away that subconsciously, The Sinister Minister was aware that her time with me as a “friend” might be ending at some point because I no longer care about being alone nor friendless.

I told The Sinister Minister that I had cut another “friend” out of my life because I realized that she (The Identity Thief) has never truly been my friend at all. I expressed that I had decided to go no-contact and block this narcissist’s access to me. The Sinister Minister actually recalls me doing this a few months ago with another narcissist whom I have referred to as The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist. That narcissist was a mutual colleague to us both and one that The Sinister Minister did not really like personally. However, now, The Sinister Minister suddenly sings praises about The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist to see my reaction.

With The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist, The Sinister Minister recalls me being really upset and broken about the loss of that friendship. I was so broken about the loss of the illusion of a friendship with The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist that The Sinister Minister behaved in a manner that let me know she was tired of hearing about by brokenness. It was to the the point that The Sinister Minister punished me with her own brand of silence for almost two weeks. Yet, now, she never misses the opportunity to bring The Professional Gaslighting Narcissists up in conversations as if she is now friends with her. Believe me, I have noted this and am very watchful that she aims to befriend someone who hates me.

Curiosity Killed The Cat

As I told The Sinister Minister about my choosing to break away from The Identity Thief, she had several inquiries. I decided to answer those inquiries all while considering the proverbial saying that “curiosity killed the cat”. In current terms for this situation, her own curiosity will cause her own downfall with me, and that is what I hope for as it relates to me being free of her. Yet, without going into great detail, I told her the foundation of what I believed a friendship to be and what my friendship with The Identity Thief was not. Much of what I said described how I felt about the supposed friendship I have with her., and her silence was very telling. In fact, I could instantly tell that the conversation was becoming very uncomfortable for her.

Although The Sinister Minister replied that it sounded to her as if The Identity Thief had some serious issues – one of which was strong jealousy and/or envy, I felt very consciously aware that she was taking note of how her similar behaviors might be frustrating to me as well. The way I relayed my story to her was indicative of the same way in which I relayed my story about The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist to her. I was hoping that my thoughts on the matter would set her straight or at least set her on the path of reflection. I wanted to her to consider how much friendships mean to me, but I also wanted her to consider that despite my love for my friends, I love myself enough to walk away and never look back on a friend again when that friend will never mean me any good.

Nevertheless, I found my conversation with The Sinister Minister begin to wane after I expressed to her how I had been silently awaiting the moment to cut The Identity Thief out of my life. I expressed how I had finally reached my limit and had completely exhausted my desire to want to continue to further entangle myself with someone who was never going to change. The more I expressed to The Sinister Minister how I had subtly exposed The Identity Thief, the more uncomfortable The Sinister Minister became during the conversation. I could literally hear the discomfort within her voice, and I knew she was going to excuse herself away from the conversation to regroup. I also thought that she sensed that I was exposing her. After all, she and The Identity Thief have a lot of the same characteristics especially in how they both interact with me.

Defensive By Default

When I expressed to The Sinister Minister that I now no longer have friends, she immediately said that I had her … that she was my friend. Instead of responding, I remained silent. She stumbled over her words with me and then skipped the subject. I felt she was defensive by default. I felt that she wanted to stand up on The Identity Thief’s behalf, but there was nothing that she could say that would justify this narcissists behavior towards me as a supposed friend. There was nothing. Our conversation ended as solemnly as it had begun. I had come to a resolution that had caused her to shudder from within. My resolution left her with no choice but to accept the fate of the most recent narcissist in my life. The Sinister Minister had come to the conclusion that I was okay enough to walk away and not have any friends left. She realized I was okay enough to no longer have her as my “friend” too.