Narcissists Prey Upon Your Gifts For Their Usage

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Narcissists Prey Upon Your Gifts For Their Usage

We are all created with gifts and talents, and whatever your gifts and talents are, you had better believe that the narcissist in your life knows your gifts and talents too. In fact, narcissists are sometimes prone to know your areas of giftedness a lot better than you, and they will seek you out when they want to make use of those gifts and talents for their benefit.

When Narcissists See Your Gifts

Currently, I have narrowed my narcissistic circle of frenemies down to two people. Never have I considered that my gifts and talents might be used until I found myself assisting these narcissists with different tasks that required more of me that I often wanted to give. Just recently, it occurred to me that I was giving way more of myself and my giftedness that I wanted to give while I gained very little to nothing in return.

I do not mind giving and being there for others when they are in need, but over the years, I have learned my limits. When I say “no”, I am giving expression to the bounds of my limitations. When I say “no”, I am exercising my power not to give until I have given out. Yet, there is a difference when it comes to narcissists. Narcissists have a way of utilizing my gifts without me even realizing that they are utilizing my gifts because of the tactics they use in an effort to gain access to them. Yet, once I see and realize, it is usually after the fact … after I have been used by them for their purpose.

All of the narcissists in my life have learned that I do not have a problem saying “no” to them. The realization comes to them after the “honeymoon” period of their love-bombing begins to wear off, and they realize that I am an extreme introvert who needs copious amounts of alone time. When I am unable to regain my energy and recharge by having alone time, saying “no” becomes my battle cry against the narcissists’ smothering and vampiristic “love” and control over me. I will scarcely give in to anything they want even when they really need me.

As a previous workaholic, I freely said “no” quite a bit, but now that I have been in resignation from working a traditional job, I have had plenty of time to continuously live a life of solitude in “recharge”. It has been great. It has been so great that I have been able to hone more into actually recharging my gifts and talents. One of the gifts that I had been frequently working to improve upon is my writing. Writing numerous papers for grad school, journaling my thoughts and life events on a frequent basis, and assisting others with writing has helped me to improve upon my writing skills. Although my writing is still a work in progress, I have come a considerably long way. So, it should not have come as a surprise to me when The Sinister Minister came to me for writing assistance.

Happy To Assist Until I Realized The Narcissist’s Agenda

I am so quick to forget that when I am dealing with The Sinister Minister, I am dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists do not seek help unless they really want help for their own agenda. I had quickly forgotten how much narcissists spend so much time one-upping me and competing with me, that I forget that the very things they are disparaging me for are the very things they need me for as well. So, interestingly, I had quickly forgotten how this narcissist, The Sinister Minister, had disparaged and mocked me regarding my “attempts at publishing my writings on my ‘little blog'” and regarding the possibility of me writing a book. In fact, each time she mentioned anything to do with my desire to enhance my life through my writing skills, she always made a condescending or critical remark.

The Sinister Minister is extremely intelligent and articulate. Yet, she is not a skilled writer herself. In fact, her writing skills are not good at all. However, where she lacks in writing skills, she makes up for when it comes to the spoken elocution of words. She is an charismatic extrovert. She appears to have no problem speaking to others with such elegance and grace. Her usage of words in speaking just flows, and she never seems to pause to think about what she is going to ever say. She does not stutter, and she does not stop to process her thoughts because of a loss of words.

On the other hand, however, I am an introvert. This does not mean I think negatively of myself because I am an introvert. On the contrary! I love being an introvert. Yet, if you know anything about introverts, then you would know that I am an internal processor. My words are formed on the inside. I must process my thoughts before words ever seem to reach my vocal cords. Even if those words do come out, I find that I clumsily stumble over them – sometimes stuttering those words out into sentences that often sound incoherent. What comes out of my mouth is not always the same thing that I am even thinking. I have so many words within my thoughts that I sometimes even freeze. When I am speaking, I do not feel as if I sound eloquent or intelligent.

Yet, I am a word processing beast when putting my thoughts onto paper. That is my gift. Writing is more my gift than the spoken word itself. In fact, if I become too overwhelmed in thought, I can become mute and find myself paralyzed within my vocal cords from great anxiety. The Sinister Minister sees my gift as a writer and acknowledges it. Thus, it should not have surprised me as much as it did when she asked me to assist her in crafting a letter to address some workplace related-issues. These are issues that I remember all too well since I once worked with her at the same company.

But alas! That is how narcissists appeal to their targets to get what they want. Narcissists appeal to their target’s emotions. They appeal to their target’s feelings of nostalgia in recalling how life once was in the work place. they appeal to the emotional tug of the target’s stand for justice. Despite me no longer being this narcissist’s colleague, she [The Sinister Minister] already knew how I would possibly feel and react to information and the shenanigans about upper level management and all of the unsavory workplace drama. She was right. In some ways, my heart was still attached to the workplace even though I am no longer physically there.

It was an easy win for The Sinister Minister. She played on my emotional heartstrings that still need severing from a place in which I worked for years. She also played upon my emotional heartstrings by bringing her own angst into the situation. I suddenly failed to see the narcissist for who she truly is and forgot the level of manipulation that she wields. I not only assisted her with writing a letter, I actually wrote the entire thing. Her letter included no citations from the letter’s original narrator because no one was supposed to know that I wrote it. The letter was based on her thoughts, but because I shared similar sentiments after having worked there for many years, I could easily give input to any of her claims.

However, the fact that I would never be credited nor even thanked for my gifted verbiage did not cross my mind until a day after the letter was sent via email. The very next day, one would think that I had not assisted The Sinister Minister with anything nor written a letter on her behalf based on her unusually abrasive coldness coming towards me since I assisted in helping her win her grievance. In fact, I was baffled by her response because I expected not to feel devalued by her when I was more than happy to help. My happiness was immediately dashed, and I awakened from the slumber that I fell into after forgetting that I was dealing with a narcissist. I literally forgot that forgot that narcissists do not appeal to their targets for true help, they appeal to their targets to fulfill their narcissistic agendas.

With Hindsight

I wrote the letter entirely for this narcissist, and the only proof I have that it was written by me were the red coded corrections and additions I made to the typed script that I emailed back to her each time she sent me revisions. It is baffling to me how she somehow forgot my email address only a day after when I asked her about the reply from management to the letter. I knew that my written letter had covered all of the points that she wished to be addressed to effectively assist her in getting management to understand her sentiments. I figured the least she could do was let me know the response to my letter on her behalf. Perhaps that makes me a little entitled.

For whatever reason, The Sinister Minister delayed her response to me about management’s reaction to the letter by claiming that she was unable to recall my email address even though she should have already had a copy of our correspondence from the previous emails regarding the letter unless she had deleted it. I knew she was lying though. I knew she was lying to delay my satisfaction of having helped her to get what she needed and wanted from management. That was my snap back into reality. I instantly recalled that I was dealing with a narcissist, and I was never going to get what I wanted from her.

I was sincerely all too happy to see her win, but because I had helped her by basically speaking in written form on her behalf, she did not want to have to acknowledge that fact. I recognized this for what it was because this is the normal reaction of narcissists. Narcissists simply cannot acknowledge that you have helped them in any way even though they really needed it. So it was with The Sinister Minister. She delayed revealing to me the results that the letter yielded for her just because she could and because she wanted to maintain control of the situation. After all, the contents of the letter were my thoughts and my words, but when she expressed the responses she got from the readers of “my letter”, she credited herself with my thoughts and my words and corrected no one because, of course, she wanted them to believe she was the letter’s original author. No one would have any reason to believe or even think otherwise.

I live and learn, but I seem to be a slow learner. I only realized after the fact that The Sinister Minister had an agenda from the beginning. She wanted to use me for my gift, and she did. She got exactly the results that she wanted, and now there is an email saved in the inboxes of a few people about a workplace management problem that I personally addressed, and I am no longer even an employee of the company. The irony in this is that my voice finally gets heard long after I have left the company, and neither management nor other employees addressed in the letter even know that I have spoken. Through this letter, I have basically given my voice away when I originally believed my intent was to help her. Yet, even in hindsight I have to question my own motives for helping her in the first place if I expected anything in return [such as gratitude] from The Sinister Minister.

In essence, I was not watchful, careful, nor intuitive of The Sinister Minister’s true motives, and that is my own fault. I walked into her net blindly. Yet, I quickly began to understand the underhanded ways in which she, like so many other narcissists wield their schemes.