I Would Rather Walk Alone

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I Would Rather Walk Alone

Perhaps the clean sweep of people from my life is just destined to be. Maybe I am to be alone. The most healthy of people who have been in my life do not stay very long. Sometimes I wonder if that is because of my own toxicity. Other times I wonder if those healthy people were just passing through to teach me lessons. Did I learn? Have I learned anything? Those questions are more rhetorical than anything. I know the answers. I have learned a lot. Now it is time for me to apply what I have learned and assess my applications to life.

This time around, I feel I have reached a pinnacle before I self-destruct. I am tired. I am exhausted. I have reached the limit of how much more I can deal with when it comes to the narcissistic abuses and games of narcissists. There are only two narcissists in my life with whom I have direct contact with at the moment, and one has been very silent. The other has been revving up her ammunition of devaluing comments and behaviors towards me, but I have had all I can take.

I have distanced myself from her to a point, but I am done. I am ready to cut ties with her in the same way I just recently cut ties with The Identity Thief. I want to be free, and I do not feel completely free. The Identity Thief had no choice but accept my exit from her life. I reached a point where I was ready to exit because I was done. I saw that she was never going to change, and I did not feel like continuing on with the insanity. So it is with The Sinister Minister. I saw in her eyes that she will never change, and I am done.

I Would Rather Walk Alone

I would rather walk in this life alone if it means constantly having to deal with narcissistic frenemies. Although it is impossible to erase narcissists out of my life because I will be dealing with them in the world in some capacity, I do have control over direct contact with them in my personal life. I feel that once I rid myself of the two that still remain by strategizing a walk away plan, then I will have a sense of freedom. There is still my family, but I have very limited contact with them, and I am no-contact with my mother.

Never did I ever think that I would ever come to this place in my life where I actually desire to be alone over having friends. Yet, this is exactly where I have come to because the “friends” that I have had around me have all been narcissistic. So, I am going to take this time to work on me. Obviously, I have not really been able to on the level that I need to since I have always been attached to a narcissist. I have not really been able to heal because I am constantly faced with being wounded and devalued in some way.

Yes, I would rather walk alone because that is the only way that I can deal with me. That is the only way that I can deal with my own toxicity and get to a place where I can become a healthier person. I need to be alone. I need to walk alone. It is my greatest desire right now. I am ready. I am ready to take the rest of my journey alone. I am not sure how long this part of my journey will last, but I am so ready for it. I would rather walk alone.