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When The Tide Turned
While I was spinning my wheels trying to understand the ramifications of narcissistic abuse, new hirees came onto the scene at work. Life with Rain was just like the weather. I never knew what was going to happen unless I had a preview of the weather report. Rain’s behavior was always synonymous with others walking on eggshells around her. I was accustomed to walking on eggshells in the past, but I walked loudly cracking them under my feet while reasoning out loud to myself why there needed to even be eggshells on the floor. Rain’s disposition, however, changed when new potential narcissistic supply arrived to work.
As I recall, there were quite a few new people hired on the job at this time, but two stood out to Rain. Both of these new candidates were vibrant and outgoing extroverts like her. She was particularly interested in cultivating a connection with one of the women while she made fun of the appearance of the other. Both women hired were also roommates, and Rain saw this as her way of getting to know them. She wanted me to accompany her in her shenanigans despite me being an introvert who opposes large gatherings and groups. She called me her “wingman”, but now I realized I was nothing more than a flying monkey.
Right away, I did not really care to hang out with either of these women. Being an introvert, I was just not with the chit chat and exhausting noise. Rain quickly became attached to the more intellectual of the two women, but it was apparent that this woman wanted nothing to do with Rain. The other woman was quite annoying. She was loud and immature. Something about her screamed “deeply insecure”. In retrospect, I realize now that Rain was looking for new narcissistic supply, and she believed these women had the supply she needed and so began her plans to make these women apart of her flying monkey crew.
Over time, Rain grew closer to the loud and immature colleague. The other colleague that did not care for Rain eventually resigned from her position and moved away. This left the loud and immature colleague more open to cultivating a friendship with Rain. Since I am an introvert and was often fatigued by Rain’s need for extroverted activities, I saw the loud and immature colleague as my out. I happily gave up my place for gettogethers so that I could spend more time recharging alone. However, Rain saw my absence as an opportunity to triangulate me into a situation that I absolutely abhorred.
Triangulated Troubles
My absence during the time that Rain and the loud and immature colleague began cultivating a friendship was a time that Rain was actually grooming this colleague into being her perfect flying monkey. I was not a perfect flying monkey for Rain because I asked way too many questions and said no to her far too often. One day, I realized that I was no longer me. The loud and annoying colleague had become my replacement.
It started off rather innocently, and I did not take note at first, but she complimented me a lot regarding my style and where I purchased my clothing and jewelry. It was not long before I looked up one day and saw that the loud and annoying colleague had adopted my style of dress and had basically changed her her entire appearance. Even Rain remarked jokingly but sarcastically, that this woman was now the new me. I honestly was not sure how to feel about it, but I was not flattered at all.
Rain realized that she could triangulate us both for her purposes. At the time, I was unaware of what was happening. I was only beginning to understand the ramifications and specifics of narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse. The triangulation began with Rain talking to me about the loud and annoying colleague and the things that she did not like about her. Little did I know, however, that Rain was doing the same thing behind my back to the loud and annoying colleague. I came to learn this based on things that the loud and annoying colleague would mention that she could not have known unless she were told by Rain.
In turn, Rain’s talking behind my back also explained why the loud and annoying colleague talked down to me condescendingly and often did not alert me to things that were going on at work. In fact, the loud and annoying colleague would often leave me out of the information that I needed to know at work seemingly on purpose. If I asked her questions or sought information from her, she would refuse to listen to me with an air of not having time for me or she would pretend she could not hear me. In essence, she was stonewalling me. When I would mention the behavior to Rain, Rain would shrug it off as “you know how she is” and the like, but after a while with this, I began to feel as I could not even share my feelings about this treatment with Rain because Rain would stonewall me as well.
So there I was foolishly hanging around like a third unwanted wheel until I decided to silently pull away and distance myself from Rain and the loud and annoying colleague. Since I was frequently blocked out of conversations, openly but discreetly shunned during meetings and other work activities, and left out of plans Rain once included me in after work, I decided to snatch my presence away from Rain altogether. I became incredibly busy at work with projects, and I preoccupied myself with other activities after work.
At some point, Rain became aware that I had quietly taken my presence away from her. She tried to make amends. It never occurred to me that something had happened to bring her back around. The loud and annoying colleague was entertaining family and old friends who were staying with her for a while. Unfortunately, Rain was unable to rain on that parade, and since she could not be the star of that show to gain the narcissistic supply she needed from the loud and annoying colleague, Rain decided it best to come back to me. I did not see this play for me then.
On the flip side, I saw a lot, felt a lot, but did not understand a lot. I tried to make sense of the mistreatment I experienced from Rain and wondered why what appeared to be a solid friendship brought me such heartbreak. I was sure to find out though. I was sure to find out a lot. Rain was became my first understanding of the complexities of narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse. I finally had a name to my struggles.
Stay tuned for more …
My Voice Unchained 