Photo by Vova Krasilnikov on Pexels.com
On The Hunt For The Perfect Supply
While I was steadily working and living my life away from Rain, she was busy searching for the perfect narcissistic supply. She needed a source badly. She needed someone to embody all that I had been to her. She needed someone that she could mold into the perfect form. Both sadly and regrettably, I had been the perfect codependent model. I was ripe with all sorts of narcissistic supply, and she needed to find someone who had all of the qualities that she lacked such as empathy, compassion, and a genuine desire to give an enormous amount of love. She also needed to be around someone who was not aware of all that she was worth. Looking back, I was so clueless back then.
As previously stated, Rain was on the hunt for perfect supply. Along the way, she captured some potentially good candidates. Under the guise of spending time together, she invited me to visit her for a weekend. I had no clue that I would be meeting her supply. I also had no clue that she was throwing her supply a party. For me, Rain was unveiling the perfect specimen – a specimen so perfect that my breath was literally taken away as I stood staring with the inability to speak. I did not know whether to be flattered or insulted, and because I just simply could not decide, I stood in my place and stared as if I was a deer caught in headlights.
There Is No Triangulation Without A Narcissist
On the days prior to my visit, the loud and annoying colleague came to talk to me on day at work. I found this most unusual as we never really had much to say to each other after Rain left the job. We were cordial, but I stayed my distance away from her. There was nothing about my personality that meshed with her. Her loudness and showy personality made her exasperating to deal with on a frequent basis. So I found it better to stay my distance. I did not know, however, that this was all by Rain’s design.
Needless to say, the loud and annoying colleague began to talk to me about the new friend in Rain’s life that Rain was so excited for us to meet. The only problem was that the loud and annoying colleague would not be present to initially meet her. It was a problem for the loud and annoying colleague because she wanted to be present the first time everyone had a chance to meet her. I was unclear as to why Rain was having a party for this new friend or why she was inviting so many of us from out of town to drive two hours away just to see her. I was also feeling somewhat out of the loop being that the loud and the annoying colleague knew information about Rain’s personal life regarding this new friend that I did not know.
When the loud and annoying colleague informed me about this new friend, I could sense that something was off. The loud and annoying colleague was especially excited to tell me all about it as she seemed to search my eyes for some type of reaction. It never occurred to me at the time just how much Rain used triangulation between the loud and annoying colleague and me to maintain control and keep us apart from each other. To be honest, I had viewed the loud and annoying colleague as my enemy. I did not trust her.
The loud and annoying colleague had done things behind my back at work and had included Rain in on it. They both partook of attempting to sabotage me in ways that attempted to damage my character, but thankfully their sabotaging efforts backfired. Since Rain was no longer a part of the dynamic after resigning, those troublesome things actually stopped, and I seemed to no longer be a problem for the loud and annoying colleague, but I equally realized that the loud and annoying colleague was not a problem for me either.
The loud and annoying colleague had told me information about Rain’s new friend that did not mesh with the things that Rain had told me. I wondered if we were even talking about the same person. I was soon to find out. It was apparent to me, though, that Rain told different information to whoever she was with, and it was obvious to me that as much as she called me her “best friend”, I was clearly not. She told far more information to the loud and annoying colleague than she told me, and I was questioning myself as to why this was the case. I was also questioning why things were different between the loud and annoying colleague and me as well. Would Rain approve of our cordiality with each other?
A Moment of Truth Revealed
The day of the party, I had arrived to Rain’s home early. She was having the “reveal” at a downtown bar. I did not see what the big deal was with everything being so secretive, but Rain was excited to reveal her new supply. She wanted all of her “friends” to see her new life and that she had arrived to a place of prominence, but something was so off to me, and at the time prior to the party, I could not put my finger on it. I came to realize that Rain had not given me nearly enough details in the way that she had revealed to her other invited friends. Other friends knew far more than I did about what was going on, and I was supposed to be her best friend.
Anyway, once we reached the venue, I met the person I thought the party was about. I am going to call this person Casualty because she was a casualty of Rain’s games. Casualty was a nice person, although we were very different, we had some qualities in come. Thanks to Casualty, I quickly came to discover quite a few things about Rain, that as a friend, I did not even know. Rain had not even introduced me to Casualty when we reached the venue. I just happened to notice Casualty watching Rain and me together. She had a look of curiosity but sadness about her. I later realized that Casualty was devalued and discarded to the background by Rain. Casualty had shown up to the party on her own without an invitation. She heard about the party through another of Rain’s friends.
I think that Casualty was confused and saddened as to how she had been cast aside. She had become very good friends with Rain right after Rain moved to the area. This was surely revelation to me. Casualty said that they had become best friends! This confused me because although Rain had mentioned making friends, she gave me the impression that these friends were all bland compared to the friends she made when she lived and worked in her original area with me and her other friends. So, it was apparent that Rain had left out a lot of information with Casualty about her “old life”.
Upon further listening, I took note that Casualty was very different from me in many ways, but we still shared the similar experience of being devalued and discarded by someone who claimed to be our friend. I soon realized that Casualty was not who the party was about or for at all. Casualty had not even received an invitation, but since Rain was holding the party at a public bar, Casualty’s presence could not be denied in the building. I was not sure if this meant Casualty was smart and cunning or desperate and hurt. It was apparent she had been duped and had attended as an affront to Rain, but Rain was giving Casualty the cold shoulder. She did not even acknowledge her presence the entire time I was there.
The Lies
Casualty told me that she and Rain had met on a “friend” site. Casualty was new to the area and was looking to meet new people. She struck up a conversation with Rain on the site, and they began hanging out. Soon, they became fast friends and began spending a lot of time together. They even spent time with Rain’s other friends like the loud and annoying colleague. In fact, Casualty stated that the loud and annoying colleague would often bring her boyfriend along to hang out with them almost every other weekend. I was baffled, but I also felt a sense of betrayal. Rain was living a life that I had no clue about. I had decided to pull away from a person who claimed to miss me in words only. I began to feel a wave of sickness come over me, but I stayed calm.
It turns out that Casualty knew nothing about me. She was surprised that Rain had such an array of friends. She was stunned to know that Rain and me were supposedly best friends too, and she apologized for raining on the parade. Instead of coming down on Casualty or being rude, I was most compassionate because I realized that she had been duped, and I quickly saw her as a reflection of myself. I was Casualty. Casualty was me. We were one in the same on so many levels – both of us experiencing Rain’s narcissistic abuse – both of use being equally disposable. I was stunned and felt deep waves of sickness overtake me. I excused myself to the restroom. It only dawned on me that Casualty was not the “friend” that Rain told the loud and annoying colleague about. I was in the dark and knew nothing.
My Replacement
When I returned from the restroom, I poised myself to continue a conversation with Casualty. We talked about other things. At some point, Rain saw the two of us standing together. She quickly ran over. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was searching for information regarding the conversation between Casualty and me. I chimed up with “Casualty has told me all about how the two of you met and your blossoming friendship. I’m so glad you found a best friend.” It was petty, I know, but I needed to see Rain’s facial expression, and I wanted her to realize that I was onto her games. Rain had a look of fear in her eyes. She realized that for that moment she had been exposed, but I did not realize that she had a much sharper dagger to aim at me.
Rain had lied to me by omission about Casualty. Casualty did not even know that I existed until we met for this event. For all that Casualty knew, she was indeed Rain’s best friend. I suppose it is okay for a person to have more than one best friend especially if that person is a narcissist. That is a how a narcissist operates. They create individual “best friends” for the purpose of having narcissistic supply. They do not allow the “best friends” to find out about each other. They keep the “best friends” in the dark about real purpose of their primary existence. Casualty was just as stunned as I was about each of us being labeled as a “best friend”. We were both playing fools in so many ways because neither of use knew our roles. Rain had the script.
It turns out that Casualty was being shunned and stonewalled by Rain, and Casualty said she was clueless of the reason. It was just over a period of two weeks that Rain began behaving badly towards Casualty for unknown reasons. Since I had been studying on narcissists and narcissistic abuse, I figured that Rain must have been cultivating a new faux friendship with new narcissistic supply. If we were currently at an event celebrating a new friend for Rain, then that new friend was the new supply that Rain was love bombing for the win. Everybody present knew about this new friend with the exception of the “best friends” – Casualty and me. Casualty and I were both being punished by Rain by being devalued and discarded for someone new. Casualty was being replaced, but I was being doubly replaced.
Rain introduced us all to the new me: Snow.
My Voice Unchained 