The Rain Is Gone: The Most Wonderful Narc Of Them All

The Final Chapter

Three months after I left Rain’s birthday party for the last time, Rain contacted me. She left me a long voice message. She wanted to know what happened to us. I was confused. What happened to us? What did she mean? After months of giving me the silent treatment, she left a voice message that implicated me as the problem in the relationship. Instead of remembering what she had done, all she could remember is that I had up and left her party without even saying goodbye!

I was too stunned for words, and when the words were able to form, I felt myself grow hot with anger. How was I being implicated as the problem when I had done everything I could to salvage this doomed friendship? She had a lot of nerve! I did not bother to respond to her message. I was too tired. I was too angry. If she did not see the truth by now, then she was never going to see it. It was pointless for me to attempt to make amends. So I remained silent.

More time passed to the point that her flying monkey, the loud and annoying colleague, was no longer the loud and annoying colleague. I sensed Rain’s hold over me loosen up even more because the loud and annoying colleague was transferring to a new position elsewhere. I was embarking upon some new type of freedom without being monitored, and I was loving it. Plus, I had become too busy in my own life and far too preoccupied with other narcissists to even notice the changes going on until I was forced to take note of them.

Prior to her leaving, the loud and annoying colleague shed light on some things in a way that made me wise up about quite a few things concerning Rain. First of all, a more in-depth conversation with the loud and annoying colleague made me realize that we both had been used by Rain and triangulated in her narcissistic web of games all along. In fact, from day one Rain triangulated me against the loud and annoying colleague by creating zones of competition for us.

Even as the loud and annoying colleague talked to me about different situations, it was clear that the loud and annoying colleague was still somewhat under Rain’s spell as a flying monkey. Yet, she wholeheartedly admitted to me how much she admired me and how much Rain spoke of me. She always felt that she had a lot of growing to do when it came to filling my shoes. I was baffled! What had Rain said to her? It was clear that the loud and annoying colleague and I were not on the same wave length at all where Rain was concerned. Rain was playing us quite differently against each other but all the same. The loud and annoying colleague had been trained to be my replacement!

In fact, from all that the loud and annoying colleague told me, I had no clue what was happening in Rain’s life. I was clearly not aware of the commitment ceremony that Rain and Snow were planning to have in a matter of weeks. I was baffled, but I was somewhat hurt as well. Once upon a time, I was Rain’s best friend, and suddenly, I realized that I was nothing. In reality, I had to face that I had always been nothing. I was less nothing than what Rain had led me to believe even. Because I refused to allow myself to be controlled as the loud and annoying colleague had allowed with Rain, I was more on the peripheral of the important facets of Rain’s life. I was but a mere stranger.

I walked away from that conversation with the loud and annoying colleague realizing that her loud and annoying banter were shrouded in a host of insecurities. She needed Rain more than I did for some reason. I wished that I had gotten to know the loud and annoying colleague outside of all this, but our lack of connection was crafted this way by Rain’s power and design. Rain would rather the two of us be apart than together. She desired this distance between us. She desired to be able to control our interactions outside of her.

I realized that this conversation had also been crafted by design. I was supposed to know about Rain’s future commitment ceremony. I was supposed to know that I was not invited and that I had been blotted out of Rain’s life on a narcissistic discard. I was supposed to have been reminded what I was missing, and with the loud and annoying colleague making her way to another job assignment, I was about to lose all chances of ever knowing what was bound to happen. So I settled. I settled with silence. I settled to not know and just move on with my life.

I Settled With Silence

So I settled with silence. When the loud and annoying colleague moved on her way to new heights, I settled in silence within myself. I closed the door on Rain for good. I closed the door on ever knowing what was to happen. I assumed it would be that easy. I had already mourned the death of the friendship with Rain over and over. I had already mourned her. I assumed it would be that easy to just pick myself up and move on. She was out of sight. She had moved on. It was time for me to move on too.

I settled in silence until some weeks later Rain contacted me out of the blue in need. She had such a need that she skipped calling me and sought me out through a text message. I thought this was not so odd since we had not spoken in months. So I figured this was her way of breaking the ice. I did not readily respond at first. I was about to go on a much needed vacation, and I was looking forward to rest. I was not interested in any of Rain’s drama which was always usually the case no matter what she claimed as an emergency. She pleaded several more times with text messages, and I finally gave in and decided to call her.

Rain was so elusive with the emergency that I figured she was attempting to net me into a trap. I was right. A narcissist’s type of emergency is never life threatening. A narcissist’s type of emergency is meant to appeal to the emotions of others and gain the upper hand of control. That was all Rain’s call was about. She did not really need me. She simply wanted to control me since I had not succumbed to her previous plans through the loud and annoying colleague. So Rain tried another route altogether and came up with an emergency.

The Emergency

Rain wanted me to house sit. That was her emergency. She was going out of town with Snow on vacation, and she wanted me to house sit. They had pets that she did not want to leave in a kennel, and she wanted me to housesit. She made it out to be such an emergency. She even talked to me through tears and dramatics and explained how this would be the one opportunity that she and Snow had to get away to meet with her parents. I was floored. I was literally dumbfounded! I did not hear anything from her for months because she had discarded me! She had literally cast me aside like trash. Now, all of that should be forgotten to attend to her needs in this moment. Was she crazy? No! She was not crazy. She thought I was crazy!

I did not even need to reason within myself how much I needed the vacation that I was about to take, and I did not even have to reason with myself a need to take it. It was my vacation! I could only imagine that Rain knew about my vacation because we were once colleagues, and she knew that I often took a vacation around that time of the year. I also knew that she more than likely had maintained contact with the loud and annoying colleague who had not too long ago transferred from her previous position to a new position and would have remembered that I might be taking a vacation at this time as well. Rain had everything all figured out.

Neither of this mattered to me, however. It was just the audacity that Rain had to believe she was entitled to getting me to give up my time off for her! It blew my mind! It blew my mind even more that she was not on speaking terms with me for months – basically half an entire year! Yet, she had the nerve to believe that I should just act like nothing had ever happened and simply house sit for her like it was nothing! No way! I could not do it! I gulped huge pockets of air over the phone as I fought back the hot tears from falling that rose to my eyes. They were tears of anger at the thought of laying down my vacation to house sit for a person who I no longer considered my friend and who in that moment only highlighted the fact that she was nothing more than a user as well.

I did not even stutter when I heard myself proclaim loudly to her, “No!” “No! I won’t do it!” “No, I will not house sit!”

There was a stunned silence that occurred over the phone that was most likely shorter than it seemed. Then Rain uttered in disbelief, “Why?” I was dumbfounded that she would even ask.

“Do I really need to explain? You know how hard I work, and you of all people know how much I look forward to my vacation time!”

Rain immediately replied, “I would not ask you if I could ask someone else. You were the last person I wanted to ask, but I really need you. I would never be selfish.” I was not going to be moved by guilt. Not this time.

So I said again, “No! No, I will not house sit. I do not want to house sit. I only get a week off for vacation, and I have already made plans that I do not intend to change.”

“I know that I have only given you a short moment’s notice. That is why Snow and I will make sure all expenses for you are covered while you stay. You can watch the dogs during the night and be free to do whatever you like during the day,” exclaimed Rain.

“What? How is that freedom? I will be two hours away from my own home. I do not want to travel back and forth on a daily basis just to enjoy my time off. That ruins my vacation. No, I will not housesit. Absolutely not! No!” I adamantly said.

“I was counting on you!” Rain said.

“I do not know why you would have counted on someone you have not even spoken to in over six months! Not smart, and you are no dummy! You thought I would say yes!” I retorted.

“I would call the loud and annoying colleague, but she always does things for me,” Rain said in a condescending way.

“Then maybe she’ll do for you again!” I said.

The conversation went on like this until I finally made an excuse to get off the phone. Either way, I was not giving up my vacation, and Rain seemed adamant that I would. She had another thing coming.

Two days later, I get a call from Rain again saying that the loud and annoying colleague would agree to split up the time to housesit if I could house sit for at least three days. That was it! I had enough. “Not happening. I’m not house sitting at any time. I am not giving up my vacation just so you can have a vacation! How does that even make sense?”

“This is so unfair. You don’t want me to be happy!” Rain accused.

“You’re right! This is so unfair! We are taking vacations at the same time, but one of us did not plan her life around the other because that is not how I interpret being happy … by controlling someone else’s happiness!” I said.

“Everything has to be about you!” Rain accused.

“No! Everything does not have to be about me, but when you decided to include me in on your house sitting plans, you suddenly made it about me, and I’m simply taking myself out of that equation!” I said.

“She shouldn’t have to house sit alone!” Rain yelled!

“She won’t! She’s can have her fiancé sit with her!” I said.

There were a few more phone calls which I did not take until vacation for us both started, and then the calls stopped. Via social media, I would learn that the loud and annoying colleague had worked out a solution by taking Rain and Snow’s pets to her home for half the duration of the vacation. Either way, I did not care. I was relieved that I stood my ground. I was not about to give up my time to accommodate someone who only wanted me around to use me.

Sadly, that was the last verbal conversation via phone that Rain and I ever had again. I had last seen her six months prior to that at her birthday party where she barely acknowledged my presence and then to only hear from her again to house sit. Because I chose not to house sit, she chose to keep me on discard until I eventually removed myself from her life for good.

When the new year came around, I removed her from my social media and deleted her phone and address information. I cut myself away from access to her, and I made efforts to move forward without her in my life. Although it sounds like it was an easy process, it was actually quite heartbreaking and painful, but it was a process that had begun years earlier right before I helped her to move. My heart had been torn apart by her on so many occasions, but it did not occur to me that I was worthless as a person to her until I had reached out to her in my depression. Her ruthless response to me nearly destroyed me, but I learned to live another day and count my blessings. I had survived through the hardest parts of what I did not realize was narcissistic abuse.

Goodbye, Rain!

More than two years later, I received a message in one of my social media in-boxes. It was a message from Rain. It was long letter to apologize if she had done something to offend me. She was not clear where our friendship had gone wrong. She missed everything about our connection. She missed how I was the only person who was truly there for her. She mainly missed that I was not a part of her commitment ceremony to Snow. Her family was puzzled by my disappearance too. If I did not know any better, I would think that I was a horrible person for abandoning her as she phrased it, but we both know the truth that she was not willing to admit. She is a narcissist.

Rain is a narcissist, and her feeble attempts to reach out to me with a letter was nothing more than what it was – a feeble hoovering attempt. It was too late. I was not going back. I was never going back. I responded to her letter. I broke it down line by line and precept by precept. I responded to her letter without ever sending her the response. She did not really want to hear my side anyway. She did not care, but I let my unsent response to her be my closure for its own sake.

My response to Rain’s letter is the only closure I had to confirm to me that I needed to heal and be free of her narcissistic personality disorder. Her letter was enough to let me know that she was never going to change, that she never accepted any responsibility for the break down of our so-called friendship, and that she did not love me at all even though she called me “friend”. Her letter was enough for me to close the door on a goodbye that never truly happened but occurred with just enough of an ending that I knew we were no more.

I saved my response to her letter in a journal. I titled it “Goodbye Rain”. I loved what was although it was all an illusion. I loved her hard. I was severely trauma-bonded to her in a way that I did not clearly understand. I prayed for healing. I prayed to break away from that. Now, I can see clearly. I can see clearly now that the Rain is gone. I can see clearly now, and right in front of me is that rainbow that I have been been praying for. I can see clearly now that Rain is gone. Without Rain, it is going to be a very bright and sunshiny day!