Mr. Charm
Midway through my trip overseas, I found myself now captivated by the grandiose admiration of Mr. Charm. I had not immediately recognized how he had boisterously slithered his way into my presence, but looking back I can see several examples of him fighting to break down the walls that I was caged within. He was persistent and never gave up trying to get me to interact with him. I blew him off so much that I believe this presented me as a challenge that needed to be conquered by him.
Throughout the trip, I recall how he was always in my peripheral view despite my disinterest. He never gave up trying to win me over. He was constantly moving in front of me when I might be standing in line for any reason. I found him inching his way ever closer to me while I remained seated in the same seat on the tour bus. I noticed him walking around me as if to make sure that I noticed him despite my never actually saying anything to him. I also noticed him talking and laughing loudly in overt ways as if to capture my attention.
As much as I was determined not to like Mr. Charm, I actually did find his personality to be outwardly fun. Over time, his personality grew on me, and I reasoned with myself that he actually was not a bad person and that maybe I was being too hard on him. At some points, I found his jokes to loosen up the tension that I discerned within the atmosphere between myself and some of the members on the trip.
Tensions had grown between me and at least five other women mainly because one of the women in the group had a crush on Mr. Charm. Now that it appeared that both Mr. Charm and I had taken notice of each other, I was now a major problem for a few of the women in the group. They did not want Mr. Charm to like me. They had other plans for Mr. Charm. Little did I know that I was playing right into what Mr. Charm wanted anyway.
Mr. Charm seemed to take note of the women’s behavior towards me, and I believe strongly after much hindsight, that he knew how to play narcissistic games quite well. He knew when and where to insert himself into my life to obtain optimal supply. Yet, there I was actually beginning to feel flattered by his attention but also curious as to why so much attention was being bestowed upon me in such an overt way.
I did not realize that his displays were the method for him to obtain narcissistic supply. I did not know until it was nearly too late and I had already incurred emotional damage from forming ties to him that he was and is a narcissist. Mr. Charm is a grandiose narcissist – the outward and overt classic case. I learned so much about overt narcissistic personality disorder from my experiences with him alone. He was a walking red flag that I did not see coming. I was not prepared, but he was my lesson.
The Grandiose Narcissist
Mr. Charm was/is a grandiose narcissist. He had an arrogance about him that was overbearing. He displayed himself as overly confident, and I will admit that his confidence is what made him appear to stand tall above others. At the time that I met him, Mr. Charm was quite physically attractive. He was very handsome and extremely tall. He had an outward way about himself that was hard not to notice. He had a cockiness about himself that also made him appear taller and stronger than he might have actually been in reality.
I recall when all of the tour group was on the beach, and Mr. Charm arose from the beach water to rinse from his body the particles of collected salt. Everyone of us stared at him in awe as he stood underneath the outside shower to rinse his body off. His beautiful brown skin glistened in the sun. His muscles were obvious. He flexed his muscles and turned towards us all as if to pose. My first thought, “look at him … the show off!” Yet, I was mesmerized by what appeared to be the perfection of this man. In other words, I could not stop staring at him.
Mr. Charm seemed to have a grin in the form of smirk on his face that spoke of the pleasures he took in being watched by all of us as he showered on the beach. He was simply the epitome of a strikingly handsome man, and he was quite aware that all of us were silently fawning over him as he soaked in the rays of the sun. There was not one man nor woman on that beach who could deny his stunning good looks. For whatever reason, I laugh when I think about how annoyed I was by him but also mesmerized by him a the same time. He knew what he was doing!
So Full Of Himself
It was hard to deny that Mr. Charm was full of himself. He was the life of the party in every sense of the word. Others on the trip talked of how his presence brought about much needed laughter and took away any need for seriousness. Occasionally, however, I did take note of how annoyed some of the other men became with Mr. Charm. I wondered if it had more to do with their own insecurities being shown up in the face of such a handsome man because he certainly knew how to flatter the women. Many of the women on the tour became like putty in his presence. It was sickening to watch.
Mr. Charm was an overtly flirtatious man, but even his flirtatious attitude could not be taken seriously. It was obvious he was just an outwardly fun-loving man who loved to charm his way into the hearts of others. He seemed to take it as his sole purpose to put a smile on someone’s face who might be having a downcast day. Smiling was clearly his favorite activity because he seemed to smile his way into literally everything. I would later learn this was one of his most effective and cunning devices to lure people into his charm.
Mr. Charm was ever playful and always cracking jokes. My dad absolutely loved him! People loved him! In the beginning, I found him to be simply annoying, loud, and obnoxious. When we “connected” (so I thought), I figured that I had been way too hard on him. His sense of humor was a great quality, and mixed with my wit, it seemed like we hit it off. Little did I know that elements of my wit would later be used against me when Mr. Charm took offense to anything I said leading him into fits of immature but aggressive rages.
Again, I did not sense a physical attraction to him right off. In fact, I was quite cautious because something was not meshing for me initially, but I did not know exactly what it was that I was discerning about him that was off. I did not personally know him, but the clues were all there – particularly in tandem to the very people we were traveling with, but more on them later. I just figured I was cautious because I am always cautious and never quite taking a person at face value. Plus, it generally takes me a bit to warm up to people because I am busy discerning intentions.
Overall, Mr. Charm was full of himself. Outwardly, it was obvious he was a very successful man because of his outward display of material success. He had a lot going for him. People loved him. Women adored him. He was suave and handsome. He seemed to play to whatever a person needed, and he worked hard to please once he knew of those needs. He was a free and loud spirit dripping aspects of his personality all over everybody so that he surely would not be forgotten. In the beginning, I was admittedly skeptical. Once we made a connection, I became intrigued and let my guard down.
Letting my guard down was not wise on my part. I was in store for quite a wild ride with this narcissist. Stay tuned for more.
My Voice Unchained 