Rolling On The River With Mr. Charm
At some point while we were all fishing from the boat, we encountered turbulent waters. Mr. Charm’s best friend had to steer us away from the rush. Mr. Charm, his best friend’s companion, and me were all standing one side of the boat when the companion yelled at me to move to the other side. She claimed that the sides needed to be balanced and that I was sinking the side by not moving. Incredulously, I just stared at her. Her tone was rude, and she came off as rather demanding and disrespectful to someone who was basically a stranger to her. Her behavior was confirmation to me that the vibes between us were off from the beginning.
I looked at Mr. Charm and knew right away by the smirk on his face that he was not on my side. I was not going to fight, but I was not going to move either. She did not own the boat. Her companion owned the boat, and he was unaware of what was going on because he was steering us to safer waters. I turned to the side and sat on a lever near the same spot from where I was standing. I turned to look at the best friend’s companion as if I was confused, and then turned to pull the fishing pole I had used to the side. Then I replied to her, “I am a bit confused by your tone. I am not a child by a long shot, and I am certainly not yours.” She was silenced, and the smirk that Mr. Charm had on his face quickly disappeared and turned into a grimace. “How dare I speak to her way!?” was the look he gave me.
They both moved to the other side of the boat and started laughing. I watched as they literally flirted back and forth with each other. They were quite touch-feely, and Mr. Charm looked at her in a way that I thought was inappropriate to be staring at his best friend’s companion. After a bit, they went downstairs into the cabin and did not reappear for a while. I could feel a heat-like sweat rise up within my body.
I felt that they were both playing Mr. Charm’s best friend for a fool. I felt like a fool myself for being present for the ride. I could have been wrong, but I thought for sure that Mr. Charm envied his best friend to the point that he wanted to be his best friend. It was as if he wanted the things that he knew he could and might never have. Then it occurred to me the reason I might have been invited on this trip.
I Was The Symbolic Punching Bag
Of the two of them (Mr. Charm and his best friend), Mr. Charm was obviously the most handsome, the tallest, and overtly outgoing. Mr. Charm’s best friend was not ugly by any stretch, but he was not the first of the two of them that would have been noticed at first glance. Mr. Charm’s presence just automatically overshadowed other men. He had a dominant personality. Without saying a word, he had the ability to posture himself in a way that screamed “I’m the terminator of all intimidators!”
Yet, of the two, Mr. Charm’s best friend was the most successful. Although Mr. Charm had a measure of success, he was not as nearly as successful as his best friend. Mr. Charm’s best friend was not only born into wealth, he had acquired his own wealth by working hard to create his own business. Mr. Charm said that his best friend was living the best life in a way he had not lived before moving to the area.
Back in their home town, Mr. Charm was the more successful of the two. Despite the riches, Mr. Charm claims that his best friend had squandered it all away on booze and women who did not really like him. Mr. Charm said that his best friend had been insecure all of his life because Mr. Charm was the more popular of the two in life and with women. Now that they had moved to a new area, their lives seemed to have switched with the best friend not only establishing a business but also getting the women. Now, it appeared that the best friend had it all, and Mr. Charm was seething with rage and envy.
Yet, that was not all that I observed about the two of them. I think what was more striking to me was the fact that Mr. Charm’s best friend seemed like a genuinely nice guy. He possessed the essence of calm, empathy, and compassion that Mr. Charm did not. In fact, Mr. Charm had no calm, empathy or compassion at all. He could be downright mean. He had no respect for others. In the face of his surrogate mother’s sickness, he had a temper tantrum. He basically blamed her for ruining the “fun”. Instead of going to her aid or consoling her, he was more focused on his own gratification.
While pondering over all of this while sitting quietly on the boat watching the view, I gathered that I had been invited along to be Mr. Charm’s symbolic punching bag. He was using me to project all of his feelings against his best friend onto me. I had taken note of the number of times Mr. Charm had been critical of me, had made underhanded comments, and had used other narcissistic abuses against me such as stonewalling and the silent treatment. He openly criticized me for not being quick on my feet with an answer in front of his surrogate family. I was was mortified and embarrassed.
Another instance is when Mr. Charm’s best friend made a comment to me and we both laughed about it, Mr. Charm became angry and verbally lashed out against me bringing up elements about his own character that he projected onto me. I sarcastically spoke out against him. I was not going to take it. That’s when his best friend turned to him, laughed, and said, “Looks like you’ve finally met your match!” Whatever rage Mr. Charm had against his best friend, he lashed out onto me through projection. I was not the problem, but Mr. Charm wanted me to be the problem.
Mr. Charm had wanted me to be the problem since I was not a very good solution for him. I was not his girlfriend; I was just a friend. I wondered if he was punishing me for this very reason. The way he had treated me regarding the tent setup was baffling but also rude to say the least. The silent treatment and the stonewalling were also clues that I was nowhere near a solution to his problems with his best friend either.
Mr. Charm ran hot and cold with me. He set me up to break me down to the point that I could no longer trust that I was emotionally safe with him on this trip. At one point, I actually feared for my physical safety when his best friend’s companion was so rude to me on the boat. All I could think was that I could not swim well enough to save myself. How did a woman that I had just met become my instant enemy?
Triangulation Tactics
After the interaction I had with the best friend’s companion on the boat, it occurred to me only upon closer observation that Mr. Charm was using her to triangulate us. He wanted for there to be dissension among us. He wanted me to feel some type of way against the best friend’s companion. It was as if he wanted me to be jealous of her.
It was obvious he did not want me to have any allies on this trip. Since these were his people, I was isolated into subjection regarding his narcissistic abuses. I actually wondered had he made negative comments about me behind my back which smeared me to the best friend’s companion. I also wondered if she were a narcissist too since both she and Mr. Charm seemed to be one of a kind.
Right off, this woman was cold as ice towards me. She flaunted herself in ways that appeared to be unnecessary but for a reason. She did a little too much for attention. For one, she seemed to be extra elevated in conversation with Mr. Charm to the point that Mr. Charm’s best friend actually tapped her arm a few times as if she were talking too much. During the breakfast, she bent over with her butt in front of Mr. Charm. There seemed to be extra wiggle to her exaggerated movements.
With the exception of myself and Mr. Charm, no one else seemed to notice her behavior. I wondered whether Mr. Charm’s best friend simply ignored this fact. There even appeared to be some inside joke that she and Mr. Charm were sharing with each other that others (except me) were oblivious to. It was weird, but I knew that her actions were done on purpose to more or less spite me and get the reaction she desired from Mr. Charm. Yet, I was not sure if her actions were truly for my benefit though.
Needless to say, I realized that the purpose of this trip was not for me to make any friends. After all, these were Mr. Charm’s people. They were always going to be on his side even if he was a problem for them. I was a total stranger. He could triangulate me with no one else on the trip because no one else cared to play into his games but the companion of his best friend. It was my understanding from Mr. Charm that this woman had not been his best friend’s companion for that long.
Even still, however, I felt isolated and singled out. The companion of the best friend became a total nuisance for me until I decided to remove myself from her presence for the rest of the trip. I knew that after this trip, I was never going to see her again. There would never be a reason for me to anyway. So there was no reason for me to attempt to make a connection with someone who did not care for one. I did not have to like Mr. Charm’s friends, but while on a boat, I needed to play it safe.
Back To Land
Because the water had become a bit too rough for fishing, Mr. Charm’s best friend turned the boat back around and we headed to shore. The plan was to go back out into the water later, but I had already decided that it was a no-go for me. I had my share of “peopling” and drama for the day. I had soaked in too much of everyone else’s energy. All I could think about was getting away from all of them for some downtime. I needed to process the events, and I wanted to cry. I literally wanted to curl up into a fetal position and cry. I needed the day to end, and it just would not end.
I went back to the tent and collected some things to refresh myself, ate something lite and then took a walk. I walked around the camp site and found a hiding spot where I sat and watched people walk by and tried to let my mind wonder freely off into oblivion. It just was not going to happen. I could not stop thinking about the previous events. My mind needed to piece everything together. I knew that I needed this so-called friendship with Mr. Charm to be over. He had shown his true colors. He was not a real friend of mine, and I could almost guarantee that he was no real friend to his best friend either.
After my break away, I headed back to the camp site with the rest. We had an evening dinner. I said nothing at all. The only discussion was about the fish and lack of fish caught while on the boat. Otherwise, I recall there being this weird silence that permeated the atmosphere. Not even Mr. Charm attempted to break the silence for once. I looked at each person’s face to ascertain a reason but could not find one. Mr. Charm’s face did not even yield a clue, but frankly, his face never did.
Once dinner was over, everyone with the exception of myself and the surrogate mother went back to boarding the boat for a final river ride. Mr. Charm’s best friend was disappointed that I did not want to go back out because he really wanted to get to know me better. He felt bad that his focus earlier was mainly on steering us back to safety. Although I was appreciative of his kind gestures, I declined going back out and told him I needed some downtime. He understood and exclaimed that he could not wait to get back to the camp himself for a much needed rest. I sensed that he was an introvert as well, but it was his boat, and he was the driver. So, it made sense for him to be there.
After they left, I helped the surrogate mother clean up around our designated camping area. We had minimal conversation, but it was enough for me to get to know a little about her. I learned a lot, and what she shared with me about Mr. Charm was rather eye-opening. She said that she and her husband had taken Mr. Charm into her family because of his own personal situation at the time. He had been treated badly by his own family. So he had run away from home to escape the abuse. He had befriended her son and had taken a liking to their family. They were close ever since. She considered him like a second son even though he and her son were like night and day.
I was surprised when she considered me to be the same – like a night to Mr. Charm’s day. I had to laugh. She said that I seemed like I had such a gentle spirit compared to him, and she was sorry that things did not work out between Mr. Charm and me. “What do you mean?” I asked. She was quick to explain that Mr. Charm had excitedly talked about someone he had met on an overseas trip that he had started dating, but things between he and that person quickly slowed down until he realized that the person did not have the same interests. She assumed it was me because Mr. Charm only ever introduced someone to their family that he was serious about.
Of course, I was shocked! She was shocked as well and mentioned that they were all equally surprised when I came on the trip. They had not known prior. According to the surrogate mother, this was not some camping trip that required them weeks of planning because they took the same camping trip at the same time each year. It was their usual family camping trip. Mr. Charm had lied to me, and I was only invited along on the trip because he had an agenda.
In some manner, I believe he was in competition with his best friend to show him up. Somewhere along the line, he must have realized that I did not measure up to the goal of assisting him in one-upping his best friend. I did not know anything about what he was up to anyway. Even if I was not a part of some grand scheme, he at least had me accompany him so that he could launch me into a cycle of narcissistic abuse against me. He had done nothing more than devalue me on this entire weekend trip. I was ready to go! I was done!
Stay tuned for the continuation of this disastrous camping trip.
My Voice Unchained 