A Trip Ending In A Double Discard
The very next morning I awakened to a cool breeze and a bit of sunlight. The tent screen to the entrance was slightly open. I sat up to see Mr. Charm staring out into the open area. In my morning voice, I said “good morning”. He responded in kind, but I could tell something was wrong. I heard the invisible eggshells in my midst, and my hyperactive alarm set off within me. “What’s wrong now?” I wondered.
I asked no questions. I did not feel like playing the mind games. Simultaneously, we both got up to get moving. There were very little words. For a man that I knew in my heart who did not want me for anything other than a friendship, I was confused by his behavior. Had I missed something here? Was he angry about a kiss that he implanted on me? Was I supposed to have read something in his behavior? Was I supposed to have reacted a certain way?
As we tore down the tent, gathered our items, and packed, we did not communicate with each other at all. There was a strange silence. I could tell by his jerky-like movements that he was controlling his rage towards me. I sensed that I was in for the silent treatment. In fact, he was already punishing me with his silence. He would not even look at me. Did he take my lack of response to him the night before as rejection? How was I supposed to react? Did this man really expect me to respond romantically when he had been treating me like stuck but sticky gum that he continued to step on throughout this trip?
The Last Breakfast
We prepared for breakfast. I assisted him with cooking in silence. He sighed with grumps. I sensed that I should have been intimidated, but I wanted to laugh. The picture of a grown man who was almost 6’5 feet tall behaving like a child was hilarious. If I did not see it for myself, I might not have believed it. I talked when I needed to but that did not yield a response from him at all with the exception of his sighs and grunts.
We all sat down to enjoy the last breakfast. Everyone was anticipating the road trips ahead to our separate destinations. The more I thought about going home and sleeping in my own bed, the more excited became. I had finally reached the end and accomplished a challenge. I had camped out as an adult. It was not horrible, but I knew I did not long to do it again. Laughter broke into my thoughts. It was the voice of Mr. Charm.
Mr. Charm was telling everyone how I awakened him with my loud snoring. “She was cutting logs. Too bad we can’t use them to start a fire. She waited for us to have to leave. Now we can’t use them!” I smiled and said, “Are you sure it was me snoring? Or did you just awaken yourself with your own snoring?” Everyone laughed some more. Then Mr. Charm’s best friend said, “I really like you. You are definitely his match. You always have quick comebacks.” Then Mr. Charm’s surrogate father chimed in, “Yeah, I’ve never a woman capable of matching his wit!”
As you can imagine, Mr. Narcissist … hem hem (clearing my throat) … I mean Mr. Charm was bothered, but he did not respond to me. He would not even look at me. He was giving me the silent treatment, but only I seemed to be aware of it. His body was positioned in a way as if he were forcing himself away from me. “Can you believe her? That’s what she does! Lies about her behavior! I don’t know how she even managed to enjoy a trip she wanted to be a part of so badly.” It was time to change the topic because I could hear the hostility within his voice.
Luckily, his surrogate mother changed the topic. She actually mentioned Mr. Charm’s words, and his open abuse against me backfired on him. She said, “You said I was the party-pooper! I guess that makes two of us.” She looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. Mr. Charm made excuses about her being sick. So, he would give her a pass. Then she said that I reminded her of her son – always needing breaks from people. She didn’t even know how her son managed to hang out for as long as he did. Mr. Charm’s best friend then responded that he would spend the rest of the evening sleeping. I supposed that he was an introvert too. Mr. Charm was not going to win in this conversation. He gave up.
Loading Up To Leave
We cleaned up our camp area and prepared to load up the vehicles. In the process, Mr. Charm talked to me enough to give me directions about his fishing poles. I placed them in the back side of the truck, but one of the fishing wires became entangled on the side of his door, and when he opened his door, the top of one of the poles snapped. He immediately looked at me and accused me of breaking the pole on purpose.
Of course, I did not break the pole on purpose. It was an accident that the wires became entangled with each other. There were at least six poles placed together. How was I to know that would happen? Yet, Mr. Charm insisted that I had purposefully caused one of the poles to be damaged as payback for him burning my shoes by accident. He kept on with this until we pulled out of the lot even letting it be known to the others that I had broken his pole. I was annoyed, and could not have apologized to him anymore than I had only for him not to accept my apology.
Then it dawned on me that perhaps he had burned my shoes on purpose and was using this accident with the fishing poles to project onto me what he had done. Nothing else made sense. Yet, he looked at it as “an eye for an eye” sort of thing, and he counted me as being the culprit to all of the problems on the entire trip. I knew that our road trip home was not going to be a smooth ride. It was on!
I suppose he wanted an argument on the way. There was really no peace to be had on the way home no matter how much I wanted peace. He sparred me into an argument by bringing up everything that I had done to offend him and his surrogate family. He said that I was rude from the moment when had arrived to the camp. He said that I was stuck up and sullen. He did not like how I behaved with his best friend’s companion despite her behavior towards me. He said that I added more stress to an already stressful situation considering that his surrogate mother was ill. He basically blamed me for everything … even for events I knew nothing about.
There was nothing that I could say to defend myself. It sounded like he had prepared his arguments and points prior to us even getting into the car. Then I knew that his anger had been building up until I physically showed signs of rejection against his planted kiss. That’s when I reacted with a verbal explosion that shut him and our so-called relationship down for good.
Me: “Wow, now I get it. Now I get it!”
Him: “Get what? What is there to get?”
Me: “You kissed me, and I did not respond the way you wanted me to!”
Him: (laughing hysterically) “Are you crazy? You’re delusional. I never kissed you. In your dreams!”
Me: “You did, and I did not respond back to you. So now, you have all of this hostility because I did not kiss you back.”
Him: “You are really delusional. You are a bitter and jealous woman. I saw the look in your eyes. You were jealous of my best friend’s girl,” he said.
Me: “No. I was never jealous. Jealous for what?”
Him: “You want everything she has. You probably wanted my best friend too! I saw the way you were looking at him.”
Me: “What? Now, who’s delusional? I don’t go after taken men. That’s not even my personality.”
Him: “How would I know that? All I saw were your actions. You were nice to her at all.”
Me: “I only reacted to how she treated me. She was not nice to me at all.”
Him: “Why would anybody be nice to you? You are pitiful. You are a pitiful and sorry person!”
Me: “But you invited a pitiful and sorry person to come along with you on the trip!”
Him: “You begged me to come. Your choice! I guess you’ll think twice next time.”
Me: “There will be no next time. No more trips with you! In fact, we’re done here!”
Him: “Then shut your mouth! I’m tired of hearing you. All you do is blah blah blah!”
The Silence
There was no more talking to him. Doing so was exhausting. He just wanted to argue, and I knew I would never be able to prove my point. It was obvious he wanted to hear nothing I had to say even if what I had to say was the truth. In that moment of angry silence, I knew that I was done. I was not done with just talking; I was done with him. I wanted nothing else to do with him. My mind was made up. I never wanted to see him again after this.
We rode for what felt like an eternity in silence. I actually fell asleep at one point. I awakened to hear Christian music playing. I discerned immediately that this was his way of projecting everything bad onto me while he showed himself as taking the “high road” of goodness. It was all complete and utter bull!!!! I remained silent and just stared out the window waiting for the rollercoaster ride to be over. We just could not arrive to our destination soon enough.
Once we arrived to his home where my car was parked in his yard, I thanked him for the ride and the trip. He responded with “Oh, so you’re calm now? That’s typical.” Yet, I said nothing. There was nothing else to say. He then began mumbling to himself as we unloaded our things from the truck. “Are you going to send me a bill for the damage I caused to your shoes?” he asked. I responded with “Your apology was enough. It was an accident just like the fishing pole that snapped. So I guess that makes us even.”
And just like that, it all ended there. I was done. Inside of myself, I did not expect it all to end this way, but I knew that I did not want to move forward. We could not be friends … not at that point. He was an angry man. He was always angry. He needed to work out some issues just like I needed to work out my own issues. When I loaded up my car with my things, I drove off. I did not look back, but I cried silent tears all the way home. It was over. Or was it?
Stay tuned to find out.
My Voice Unchained 