How I Returned Back To Mr. Charm
By chance, I had to go to the DMV to renew my automobile tag. There, I ran into former church friends I knew from a church I had attended years ago. This is the same church that Mr. Charm belonged to although he became a member after I had left. Mr. Charm and I did not meet until I was invited by the members of this church to go on an overseas trip five years after I had left the church. Anyway, these former friends also attended the trip overseas and knew that Mr. Charm and I had become friends. So, it was not in the least surprising to me when their “hey, hello” turned into a news update to me about Mr. Charm.
It had been a year since I had seen Mr. Charm. Except for my four or five random drive-bys past his house, I had no connection with him. Then suddenly, when I least expected it, I ran into former church friends who happened to be his current church family and friends. I had not known all that had taken place with Mr. Charm until they informed me. Yet, what they told me confirmed my empathic feelings that something had been wrong with Mr. Charm all along. Mr. Charm had been hospitalized for a few months because he had a stroke, but at the time that I saw the couple, he was in recovery at home. I was dumbfounded.
The former friends insisted that I reach out to him. They believed he could use a friend, and they said I was the medicine that he needed since he spoke of me often to them. Looking back at that moment, I now see that their words were all a “hook”. They reeled me in like a big floppy fish. They had an agenda, but that topic will come much later in another post. Needless to say, my feelings of empathy were awakened on the spot. I felt sorry for Mr. Charm. I took the phone number they gave me for him – a number I had deleted from my phone a year prior. Memories came flooding back. I dismissed the bad ones. That was mistake number 1!
The Phone Call And The Other Mistakes
I held onto Mr. Charm’s number for a few days before I decided to call him. I had to work up my nerve to do so. I needed to rehearse the things that I wanted to say to him. I felt horrible about his plight which, in turn, caused me to feel even more horrible about how things had ended between us. We had not spoken to each other in over a year. A lot had transpired in our lives. Even though I felt much better without all the narcissistic abuse I suffered through our “friendship”, I missed him. I did not consider that my missing him was really my need to connect because of the trauma bond I had formed with him.
Nevertheless, I thought about Mr. Charm’s present situation. He was suffering from a stroke. Surely, all could be forgiven from our past. Surely, we could start afresh. I was willing to make amends if he felt the same way. So, I eventually picked up the phone and called him. Why did it sound like he was waiting for my call when he answered the phone? It was as if he knew I would call him by the way he easily fell into conversation with me as if we had been talking everyday even though there had been great distance between us.
It was good to hear his voice. He sounded so different though. He was slurring his words. I could hear the effects of the stroke. My empathy and compassion for him were awakened even more. In my mind and heart, all had been forgiven. I was ready to move forward. Interestingly, our conversation started off as a normal. Then it went into the elements of his stroke. I do not remember if there was any discussion about my life, but then again, I never felt my life was the focus anyway. It was really all about him. When I say this, it is not because I think about his arrogance, I am really speaking of his health. I made it about him because things were different now.
The details of his story about how the stroke happened made me think about the times I felt strongly that I wanted to reach out to him. We were connected by a soul tie for sure. The times I felt the need to reach out to him [during our time of distance] the strongest were also the times that he was suffering the greatest. I let that be a sign to me that the timing of running into our mutual friends at the DMV was God-send. That was mistake number 2! Why on earth would God lead me back to a narcissist? Boy did I have wishful and hopeful thinking. I was a sap for a sad story because I believe in happy endings.
Of course, I would have no confirmation that Mr. Charm was indeed a narcissist until later (as if I did not need enough confirmation from previous experiences). I figured that maybe this was our second chance and that maybe things would be different. I figured that maybe his having a stroke would change him by making him meeker and milder in temperament. I did not know, but I was surely going to find out. I figured that I might have been too hasty in walking away the first time. I figured that going back to him would be the turn around that we both needed. That was wishful thinking on my part too, and that was also mistake number 3!
During the phone call, we agreed to meet up. Since he was mostly immobile, I would go visit him.
Find out what happens in the next post. Thanks for reading!
My Voice Unchained 