The First Visit With Mr. Charm
The first visit with Mr. Charm gave me the feeling that he had changed for the better. The stroke had definitely changed him. He was partially paralyzed on the left side of his body. He was unable to lift or move his left arm. His arm was actually contorted tightly in an upward position against his chest. He walked with a gait and slow wobble, and he he had to drag his left foot as he walked. His speech was slurred. He talked slowly. He was remarkably not the same man that I remembered from before. Although he was still a handsome man, the stroke had stripped him of his previous appearance in tremendous way.
Because of the paralysis from the stroke, Mr. Charm had lost a lot of weight. His eating habits had changed. He was adjusting to losing the daily assistance of his physical therapist who had now been relegated to visiting him at least once every two weeks. Although he said that he was in much better condition than he was in months prior, he was unable to physically work anymore. The stroke had not only caused him physical problems but had also placed a financial strain upon him. He was forever a changed man. I imagine that it was a humbling experience for him. Yet, I admired him for his strength, persistence, and determination.
Mr. Charm was more than eager to push himself to get back to his normal self even though he admitted that normalcy would not return to him in the same way as before. He had already suffered two strokes which caused him great setbacks. He claimed that our mutual friends running into me was an answer to his prayers.
Mr. Charm had missed me. He had missed our friendship. He claimed that I had been a very good friend to him, and even though I could not say the same in his case, I responded to him in kind. I had missed him and our friendship too. It was what I believed to have been a healing moment between the two of us since in the past he had never acknowledged his feelings to me.
For the first time, I was hearing that Mr. Charm was sorry for all that had transpired between us. He actually apologized to me for all that he had done. For that brief moment in time, he sounded sincere in his apology to me. I believed him. There was no reason for me not to believe him. The man had suffered a debilitating stroke, and more than what I saw in his physical appearance based on changes, he seemed to me like a different person altogether.
I reasoned within myself that he was a changed man for the better. Maybe this time around our friendship would be better and would actually grow. I believed that we deserved a second chance. I was open. So I reopened the door to Mr. Charm. That would prove to be a terrible mistake. I often look back and realize I was a terrible student – failing the same test over and over again.
Reopening The Door To The Narcissist
I would not know in the very beginning that I had made a mistake in reopening the door to Mr. Charm. I clearly saw that point in our lives as restoration to a friendship that was broken. I only suspected that he might have been a narcissist, but I did not have clear enough proof. In time, however, my suspicions would be confirmed, and I would also come to know that reopening the door to him was a major mistake.
Mr. Charm was and is a narcissist. He is a sadistic narcissist. I was bound to learn a whole lot the second time around with him, and I was bound to experience the very worst of what he had to offer the second time as well. If I thought things were bad in the first half of our friendship before I walked away, I had no idea the bruising I would experience the second time around with him. Looking back, he was prepared for me. My empathy for his plight played right into his plans.
As is always the case, returning to a narcissist is never wise. In fact, it is dangerous! When you choose to go no-contact from a narcissist, it is better to stay no-contact. At the time, I did not consider this at all. Instead of working to sever the trauma bond I had with Mr. Charm while we were no longer friends, I foolishly believed that we still had a connection. I foolishly believed that we were tied together as if through fate.
I also foolishly believed that God had a hand in restoring us back to our so-called friendship. I believed that I just needed to be patient with the outcome. Yet, there was no such thing, there was no such change, and God had nothing at all to do with any of it. Over time, this all became a significant realization to me almost too late. The only thing that came out of that so-called friendship were valuable lessons that I learned that I eventually repeated in cycles with other narcissists.
When I first went no-contact with Mr. Charm, I likely bruised his ego. I likely left him with a bad view of himself. I likely left him to deal with all of the negative emotions that he could no longer project onto me when I was there. He spent most of his time alone at home, and when he was not alone, he spent a bulk of his time with his church family. Where he projected those negative emotions of his, I have no idea. No one likely knew the “real” Mr. Charm the way I did. The second time around, I realize that he had saved all of that negativity just for me.
Once Mr. Charm experienced his stroke, all of his energy was focused on getting better. I believe that the stroke was enough to take his focus off of hating me for anything he had perceived me to have done to him when I was no longer his presence for the year we were apart. However, I was wrong. Although I do not believe his primary focus for getting better was to eventually crush me, he did have a vendetta against me, but first, he was going to use me to his advantage. In sickness, I did him good. Little did I know that he was set on destroying me. I was going to have to wise up and discern my next move for my exit quickly.
Stay tuned for more.
My Voice Unchained 