Anger Unleashed
Mr. Charm had a lot of anger. For the most part, I attributed his anger to the effects of his stroke. He was basically relearning to live the life that he had prior to the stroke. It was obvious that his road to recovery was not an easy one. However, there were times that he exhibited explosive anger that seemed well out of proportion to events that had occurred.
At first, I gave Mr. Charm the benefit of doubt. I was patient, but when he began unleashing his anger towards me, it became problematic. The more I was around him, the more I realized that the effects of his stroke could no longer be used as an excuse for his bad behavior. This was a man that seemed to be going to great lengths to show me the type of rage he had contained just for me.
Anger Unchecked
Granted, many people who have suffered from strokes experience many changes within the brain such as cognitive impairments, physical effects and emotional disorders. Cognitively, a stroke results in a person being unable to process information even to the point of understanding others.
Changes in the brain from a stroke may result in a person not being able to express empathy towards others. In Mr. Charm’s case, he already lacked the ability to show empathy prior to his stroke. He is a narcissist. Yet, after the stroke, he seemed to care even less about hurting the feelings of others. He simply could not even seem to mirror empathy as he had before. In fact, he had very little patience for others.
Mr. Charm even seemed to be far removed from a person’s reactions to his negative behaviors. He would often say a person needed to “grow a pair” or develop tougher skin. His jokes were no longer funny, and he seemed to take great pride in unleashing insults wrapped in sarcasm at others. He actually became less of a fun person I wanted to be around, and I began to realize I was not the only one who felt this way about him.
Physically, Mr. Charm was not as actively mobile as he was prior to the stroke. Although he made great strides in overcoming a lot of hurdles, he still struggled with daily tasks. He was no longer able to engage in all of the activities that he loved, and even when he could engage in activities, his pace had become much slower because of his inability to use his entire body. Obviously he hated this.
He often needed to exert more energy and strength to complete even what he considered to be the simplest of tasks. It would be obvious that anger and frustration would be a result of not being able to perform as he had done in the past. I often tried to ignore the multiple occasions he threw and slammed down objects because he was unable to perform a particular task. However, he seemed to always be angry for no reason. Yet, at the same time, I tried to keep in mind that he had a stroke.
I was also careful to never say anything. I just let him have moments to express his anger, but there were times when I felt concerned for my safety when objects came hurling my way. On a few occasions during his angry outbursts, I actually had to dodge being hit by flying objects. He would often reply in a very mean tone, “Maybe you shouldn’t be in the way.” There was never an apology unless he had an agenda or he would later come off as if he had been joking.
Mr. Charm always acted as if he were justified in his negative behavior. Perhaps he was justified in his anger, but there is never any justification in my mind for causing someone else harm because of anger. Despite his behavior, I tried to be patient with him because I had no idea what it was like to struggle with the effects of a stroke. I tried to be a friend. I tried to be accommodating by giving of my time and helping him in any way possible, but it never seemed that I could do right or do enough.
I just knew that this man was no longer the same man prior to his stroke. Many things about his personality had changed for the worse. He was often an emotional wreck but only in the sense where his anger appeared unchecked. It often appeared to me that rage within him was boiling over. This rage would seep through into his laughter. In fact, I found that his laughter was often wildly obnoxious even when there was nothing remotely funny. It was as if he could not control himself. It was as if he was trying desperately hard to contain his rage. He was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
Losing Control
For the most part, Mr. Charm had lost control. The effects of the stroke had changed a lot about how he could live his life as he once had before. He was now at the mercy of doctors, healthcare, medication, and others. Although he needed these resources of help, he frequently complained that he felt hemmed in by them. Everything about his life changed, and he was forced to changed too.
Since he vented to me a lot, I took those moments to institute calming activities with him. I was learning a lot through my graduate school courses on mental health and wanted to try out what I was learning with him. I had already been journaling on my own [for years] as a way to deal with the depression I frequently battled, so I attempted to try a tweaked journaling activity with him in the hopes that he could find a way to release his anger in a more productive way. This was an activity we would do together after our evening walk together.
At first, he was all for the activity because he thought that maybe his battles with the stroke could encourage others. So we spent time telling the story about his experiences with the stroke. I transcribed while he talked about his experiences. After a time of this, he then decided that he wanted to write his own story himself. Since he was still able to use his dominant hand, he took to the task of writing himself.
For a while, Mr. Charm kept up with this journaling activity until he decided that any activity that I made up was just another way for me to get him into things his fellow church members said was “new-age” dogma. I was stunned! I actually laughed at his changed reaction since those fellow church members were the reason I began journaling in the first place! It was all good until it went left.
Needless to say, there were many reasons after the stroke for Mr. Charm to express anger. I was very understanding throughout the process. Yet, many times, his anger seemed like an excuse to be explosive, frightening, and intimidating. I am not sure at what point I sensed that his anger had taken a turn into becoming volatile and directed towards me, but when it did, I knew that I had a major problem. We were friends, but I had begun to feel like an emotionally abused significant other without the significance. I felt like I was on the verge of becoming physically battered too.
Yes, Mr. Charm’s anger had become that bad.
Find out what happened by reading the next blog post.
My Voice Unchained 