A Series of Meltdowns
Over the course of time, Mr. Charm was losing control. He was no longer able to contain his emotion of anger with me. There was a point when I realized this man had reached a breaking point after displaying a series of meltdowns. After having confirmation that he was indeed a narcissist based on the criteria to identify him as such and the fact that narcissistic personality disorder was a part of his biological bloodline, I tried to stand by him as a friend to silently help him.
Yet, I could not for the life of me find any information on how to remedy the situation with him or for him. No amounts of my love, empathy, compassion, or concern helped to alleviate what I assumed was his pain. In fact, my presence only seemed to make him react in more obstinate and hateful ways towards me. Looking back, I recoil the thought of how I foolishly believed that God was leading me on a trail to help deliver him [and other narcissists]. I would soon find out that a series of meltdowns would provide me the remedy I needed to deliver myself.
Series 1
Mr. Charm belonged to a church that had all the markings of a cult. I know this for a fact because I was once a member of this church prior to him ever coming on the scene. I knew the doctrine they believed, and after studying their doctrine and matching it up against biblical scripture, I found their belief system to be lacking on a whole lot.
Yet, it was not even their doctrinal system that led me to believing that the church had become a cult. It was more the church’s way of managing the members and attempting to gain complete control of their lives. The leader of the church was basically worshipped and idolized as if to be placed on a pedestal above others. There was no toleration for any criticism either.
This was not a church where critical thinking was upheld. It was a one-size-fits-all type of atmosphere, and everyone adhered to group thinking. Thinking outside of the box was simply not done. If anyone chose to think for themselves, they were viewed as a troublemaker or “bad seed”. Everyone was expected to show loyalty to the leader and the leader’s family. To do anything that signified the opposite would set one up to be ridiculed, shunned, and eventually banished from the group.
Obviously, I was an apostate. I had chosen to take the road less traveled among the group. I renounced the group and walked away five years prior to meeting Mr. Charm on the overseas trip I was invited to attend. However, the events that led to my attending this trip is for another blog post. Needless to say, my becoming friends with Mr. Charm was on the church leader’s watchlist because the leader obviously feared my words would sway Mr. Charm away from the cult.
Apparently, Mr. Charm asked church members a lot of questions after any time he and I had in-depth conversations regarding spirituality. I always spoke my mind about the group and their teachings. I knew I could not talk him out of leaving the cult, but I could tell him of my experiences and what I knew was wrong.
Mr. Charm took what I said back to the group as a way to fact check me and refute anything I said, but I had too much evidence committed to memory thanks to my record of keeping details in my journal to allow him to deny me of my experiences with that church. At some point, however, he actually became legitimately concerned because he began to recognize that some of my shared experiences had become his own.
Eventually, the group must have figured out that I had become a major influence on Mr. Charm the longer I was around him. It mentioned by a member that Mr. Charm never was one to ask questions until I came along. So, they had to figure out how to put an end to me. Their solution was for the leader’s son and his wife to set up a dinner with Mr. Charm to figure out exactly what place I held in Mr. Charm’s life. The leader’s son and his wife invited themselves over to Mr. Charm’s home with his assurance that I would be there.
Strangely, Mr. Charm mentioned this get-together to me at what seemed to be the spur of the moment. It was as if the conversation just suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Although he had hinted at conversations that he had with the leader’s son prior to this, he had not necessarily been forthcoming with plans for a dinner. When Mr. Charm first asked me about being present, I gave an immediate decline. I was not interested in any spiritual conversations with former members of a church that had ostracized me from their presence years ago.
Yet, the more Mr. Charm talked about it, the more intrigued I became with the group’s sudden interest in me. Everyone at that church already knew that Mr. Charm and I were friends, but something had obviously changed. After they noticed how well Mr. Charm was progressing from his stroke, they began to take a closer look at my influence in Mr. Charm’s life. Even more, Mr. Charm was asking them pointed questions about the church’s doctrinal beliefs and members’ behaviors towards other members who disagreed with those beliefs. For those in church leadership, that was a major problem.
Eventually, I agreed to attend the dinner with Mr. Charm particularly after he accused me of not being a forgiving and loving good Christian. For whatever reason, he led me to believe that he wanted me present to help confront issues of his own concerns. Of course, that would be nothing of the sort when it all came down to it. The leader’ son and his wife would come over and attempt to dismantle any notion that anything was off about them as a church. They (including Mr. Charm) would basically attempt to gang up on me with a bunch of religious dogma to make me look like an uneducated fool.
But no! Now that I knew that Mr. Charm was a narcissist and would most likely side with them against me, I was prepared. Plus, I had not forgotten their schemes nor how they had operated in the past. They were the major reason I sought refuge in receiving help in therapy in the first place. My time in that church resulted in me plummeting into the depths of depression so badly that I believed I was having a nervous breakdown.
Nevertheless, for this dinner I was prayed up and ready for spiritual battle. Whether Mr. Charm sided with me or not, I was not going to fall prey to their cultish games. They pulled out their dark spiritual weapons of mass destruction against me through a battle of words, but I was locked and loaded with my own ammunition of rebuttals right back at them. It began as friendly discourse until the couple realized that I was unmoved, unbothered, and unchanged in my views.
Each time I looked over out of the corner of my eyes at Mr. Charm, I could see his body pulsating with contained but rapidly growing anger. It was apparent to me that he was trying hard to impress the couple by remaining docile and subservient in front of them. On the other hand, I was being the person they remembered me as – too much of a free-thinker. What I discerned in their eyes and tone told me all that I needed to know in that moment.
It was apparent to them that they would get nowhere with me with any further discussion. So they decided to retreat and go back to the drawing board to regroup. Based on Mr. Charm’s reaction, it was evident that they should just stop trying to sway me. “She’s a lost cause,” he said. To which I replied, “I’m not lost. I’m right here … seeing, thinking, and speaking for myself.” Mr. Charm and the couple gave each other the kind of looks that signified to me that their mission was not over, but I would soon be. I just did not know what I was in store for yet.
After the couple left, Mr. Charm lit into me about how rude he thought I was even though I did not see it that way at all. “How was I rude stating my beliefs just because the beliefs that the couple expressed were not beliefs that I agreed with? They might be able to get over you with their bull, but not me. Been there. Done that. Not doing it ever again!” I stated. Mr. Charm grew very silent. A strange and eerie presence within the atmosphere overshadowed the room.
Despite the fact that Mr. Charm may have known that I was right, I could see the anguish within his eyes over the fact that I seemed like such a lost cause. He then said, “I’m afraid your soul is damned.” I was stunned, but I remember my reply as if our conversation took place yesterday. I could only say, “They aren’t my God and neither are you.” The night was over. I proceeded to help clean up, but Mr. Charm said, “I’ll clean my own damn kitchen!” So I gathered my things together and went home.
I knew the end was near for us if this was the way things were going to be. A church that had caused me such dire pain only five years prior was now coming between my so-called friendship with Mr. Charm. I was not in a place where I wanted to travel down that road again. I was not sure what I was going to do.
Melt Down 1 was not a complete melt down with Mr. Charm, but you have no idea what is coming, and at that time, neither did I.
Stay tuned for what happened next.
My Voice Unchained 