Series 2
Time With An Old Friend
Things were quiet for a few weeks between Mr. Charm and I after the dinner with his pastor’s son and daughter-in-law. After the dust of if all settled, Mr. Charm reached out to me again for assistance around his house. I must say that I enjoyed the solitude without all of his drama for the weeks that we were apart even though I missed his company. I did reflect on what my life could be without the drama though. However, I had an inner sense of discernment that things would be going awry if I continued to have interactions with his church members.
Once the dust had settled, Mr. Charm contacted me again as if nothing had ever happened between us. We went back to his way of getting things done, but I had taken note that some things had changed, and I was quick to point them out. One of the things that I had noted was that his previous friend who was also a stroke survivor was no longer coming around as much, and Mr. Charm was also not mentioning him.
“Oh, he’s a fogey,” Mr. Charm told me. “What’s that? The way you say it means it can’t be a good thing,” I said. Mr. Charm explained. He considered his friend just old and set in his ways, but I knew something was wrong even though I did not push for further explanation. To do so would annoy him, and I did not desire to walk on eggshells.
Mr. Charm also had not mentioned his surrogate family in a while either. When I queried about them, he just said that they were fine and they were laying low because of a run-in they had with some members of his church family. Although my interests were peaked, I did not push for further details because I knew he would eventually tell me at some point anyway.
A few weeks later while Mr. Charm and I were sitting down to watch a movie, his old fogey friend unexpectedly stopped by. His friend was glad to see me and seemed a little surprised as well. We exchanged pleasantries, and as the friend proceeded to talk with me, Mr. Charm became annoyed and snapped, “Did you come to see me or her?” It was a strange interaction, but I could tell something was off by the look on Mr. Charm’s face. He was actually quite bothered. His face showed agitation and anger.
Mr. Charm’s friend stumbled over an abrupt apology and then changed the topic to the reason as to why he had stopped by. As they chatted, I turned towards the television to continue watching the movie, but Mr. Charm walked over to the television and turned it off. “You can’t watch the movie without me,” he whined. I looked at him unsure of what was happening even though I was well aware.
“Okay,” I said with a half-smile on my face as I looked at him and and then turned to look at his friend. “Come over here and talk to us,” Mr. Charm said. Both his friend and I stared at him and each other. I wanted to laugh. I thought Mr. Charm was behaving strangely. His friend asked him if he were okay, but Mr. Charm did not respond to him. He simply motioned for me to move along quickly to the table.
As we all sat down at the table, Mr. Charm’s friend proceeded to talk about a family situation. He questioned Mr. Charm and me for insight. The friend said that he wanted to hear a woman’s perspective. When I proceeded to talk, Mr. Charm laughed and loudly said, “Don’t be ridiculous! What does she know? She can’t even help herself?”
Both the friend and I stared at him in disbelief. Then his friend quickly came to my defense and said, “I want to hear what she has to say. Don’t be mean to her. Be nice.” The friend and I were both stunned when Mr. Charm reacted with, “But I don’t wanna hear what she has to say.” I was silent for a moment. “Ignore him,” the friend said. Yet, I knew that ignoring him would most likely cost me later.
As Mr. Charm’s friend attempted to continue to share what was going on with him, Mr. Charm became a major distraction within the conversation. He interrupted his friend repeatedly to the point that I shushed him. “I really want to here what he has to say. Why not let him finish?” I said. But Mr. Charm’s reply was with laughter, “Oh he knows I’m just kidding with him.” The friend just stared blankly, but I could tell that he was rather annoyed and even astonished with Mr. Charm’s behavior. I thought Mr. Charm was behaving rather childishly.
In my attempts to give insight into the friend’s situation, Mr. Charm began interrupting me as well. “Why don’t you let her finish?” the friend asked Mr. Charm. Yet, Mr. Charm replied, “Why would you want to listen to her? She knows nothing about life. She’s not even a Christian. She stopped attending church.”
I was dumbfounded, but I responded, “He’s not asking me for Christian insight. He’s asking for a woman’s perspective. Why do you keep interrupting? Are you jealous? Are you afraid that I might actually have good insight?” His friend burst out laughing. I could tell by the spark of fire within Mr. Charm’s eyes that I was going to pay for what I had just said.
Instead of confronting me with the meanness could have shown me, however, Mr. Charm laughed in a way to give off the vibe that he was just joking around. I immediately felt that he was beyond angry and only laughed to cover up his anger and throw the friend and me off of his trail. I was not fooled though.
The conversation continued, but at some point it eventually died down to where the friend began to make himself ready to leave. I got up and went back to the couch. I was tired. I immediately thought that the friend’s exit should have been my exit because things between Mr. Charm and me were about to become worse. I could feel it. Why did I not heed the inner warning?
Right before the friend walked out of the door, he commented how Mr. Charm and I behaved like a bickering couple. “You have definitely found your match with her,” the friend laughed. I was silent. I turned to look at Mr. Charm’s reaction, and I could tell by his body language stance that he was extremely angry but trying to contain it.
He appeared to be standing on the tips of his toes digging them into the floor while clenching his right fist. His body looked so tight that I could tell he was about to fly into a rage. His gaze was set with a fiery rage that I had not seen before. Only a hint of it had reared its ugly head during he first half of our friendship. Then, I was reminded of the camping trip. That was when I realized that he was even angrier than on that occasion. However, his friend was none the wiser and just kept laughing.
Finally, Mr. Charm told his friend to leave. He said it in such a matter of fact way that his friend seemed befuddled and looked at me. I did not know what to say and just shrugged my shoulders. I gave the friend a nice farewell greeting and hoped that I would see him later. [I actually never saw Mr. Charm’s friend again.] Mr. Charm walked him towards the door, and they chatted for a bit more before Mr. Charm returned back to the couch. Once he sat down on the far end next to me, I could hear the shattering of eggshells in my head. I did not know what to say. So I stayed silent.
A Meltdown Over A Movie Scene
Mr. Charm and I went back to watching a different movie. I could feel an ominous but strange silence, but then suddenly, he seemed to be back on track. He behaved as if nothing had transpired with his behavior. Yet, the events prior with his friend were not something I could easily get over as he seemed to had done. In my haste to understand what was going on, I asked him if he was okay. He just responded, “Sure.” I left it at that. To push further might have caused him to explode. I was just too tired to deal with his childish behavior. Although I sat silently pondering over what was happening, I just knew that when I got home that I would sit down to analyze his behavior in my journal.
Nevertheless, Mr. Charm and I proceeded to eat snacks and watch a movie. I do not even remember the actual movie now, but there was a scene within the movie that seemed to trigger him. A woman in the movie had jilted the main character. Mr. Charm seemed set off and burst into a long monologue of profanity about the short scene. He called the woman all sorts of horrible names and said that women were basically good for nothing but causing people pain. I do not know why I mistakenly thought he was in the jokester mode. What rolled off of my tongue was too late to take back. I chimed in, “Geez! So it sounds like you hate women.” Boom!
Boom! Explosive rage! I had hit a nerve, and I had obviously cut the nerve too. He turned towards me so quickly and stood up. I was shocked by his sudden movement. It was faster than I had ever seen him get up since his stroke. I looked up startled, but before I could respond, he lashed out at me with a verbal tirade so vicious that I did not even see it coming. His verbal tirade was like a huge tsunami ready to destroy me for all that I was worth.
“What the hell do you mean by that?” he asked with eyes of fiery rage.
“I was just making an observation,” I responded.
“Well you don’t know what you’re talking about! You think you know me, but you don’t,” he yelled.
(I was focused on his overall demeanor and tried to understand why he had exploded over a simple observation.)
Him: “I’m a Christian! I don’t hate people. I love people. Now you on the other hand. You are no longer a Christian because you don’t go to church!”
Me: “I made a simple observation based on your statements that you said in anger.”
Him: “Stop trying to analyze me! You’re no therapist!”
Me (being sarcastic): “Not yet, but I’m a therapist in training.”
Him: “You think you’re in training, but you’re too stupid to realize when someone is just adding dialogue to a movie.”
Me: “If it’s just dialogue, then okay, but it’s dialogue that seems to have you heated for some reason. If you don’t hate women, then okay. Forgive me for making an observation and saying so. I’m sorry.”
Him: “Oh … so there you go … trying to get out of what you have done like you always do.”
(He was projecting.)
Me: “What did I do?”
Him: “You are so judgmental!”
Me: “I’m judgmental because I analyzed what you said based on how you said it? Okay. I’m judgmental then.”
(I shrugged. There was no point in arguing with him. I could see the green veins on in his neck. They seemed to be stretching. I immediately wanted to diffuse the situation. I thought about the fact that anger often precedes a stroke. But he was on a roll and lit into me about whatever he could fire off about me. I was unable to stop his rant.)
Him: “For the record, I don’t like how you have come in here trying to control things and take over here like you own the place.”
Me: “What?” I was in disbelief.
Him: “Yeah! You take over when you’re here trying to run the show and take my friends and talk to them about their problems like you’re some [effing] therapist!”
Me: “Control you? Since when? That is not even my personality. You ask me for help, and I show up. You are always the one telling me what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. I always keep my mouth shut because I am here to help you. Your friend asked for a female’s perspective, and I am a female.”
Him: “I don’t want your help. I don’t need you.”
Me: “Okay. Then I won’t come back.” I proceeded to get up, but instead of moving to walk past him, I walked around the other side of the couch. He was very angry, and his body stance was a bit intimidating. Although I was not afraid of him harming me, I did not want to walk past him while he behaved in such an out of control manner.
Him: “I have other friends! I don’t need you!”
Me: “Okay.” I tried to bite my tongue, but I could not hold it in. I was leaving anyway.
Me: “By the way, where are your friends? Maybe they come around when I’m not here, and I’m here a lot. How come I never cross their paths? Are they as patient as I am?”
Him: “I have friends. In fact, I have a friend who’s invited me to dinner. She’s asked me out to dinner several times, but I have always turned her down. I’m going to accept her invitation next time.”
Me: “Fine.” I could feel a twinge of heat enter the back of my throat. I knew he was attempting to make me jealous. “Maybe she can help you deal with some of that anger you’ve got.” Then I turned around, gathered my things, and walked out of the door.
It was not over yet, but the end was on the horizon. There were at least three more series of meltdowns to come.
My Voice Unchained 