Disenchanted
Near the repair project’s end, I had become disenchanted with Mr. Charm. I was frazzled, fatigued, and emotionally famished. I had experienced more than enough narcissistic abuse to finally start to see that I was actually being abused. I came to a point of desperation and knew that I had to get out of this so-called friendship with Mr. Charm.
There were two major events that propelled me into the final saga of this drama-filled friendship. Once I weighed the cost of going against the narcissist, I pushed full-throttle and ahead to break free. Although I look back and realize that Mr. Charm was actually forging ahead to break me down with a final discard, his plans did not go as he had imagined they would, and for me there was no turning back.
No Air
During the process of working on repairs, my air conditioning unit went out. It was the heat of summer with temperatures as high as 100 degrees and a heat index to match. It did not help that I was already in the fiery furnace with a narcissist wielding demonic tactics against me. When the air went out, I had to figure out quickly what to do. Living on my own had afforded me with many lessons to learn, and even with so-called friends, I learned a lot of things on my own without much help.
If I wanted help from Mr. Charm with this ordeal, he was satisfied not to give it. Despite being inside of the house with me, he seemed to take in the misery of the rising heat with a happy smile. After all, he could leave and go home to his cold air-conditioned home leaving me to bake in a hot and humid sauna. When I mentioned that I would need to open windows, he suggested loaning me two of his cooling fans. I thought this was nice of him and took him up on the offer.
Yet, what was an offer was only that … an offer. When he left to go home, he purposefully ignored my calls and texts about me going over to his home to pick up the fans. I was doomed to a hot and miserable night. Had I known that he would not actually loan me the fans prior to store closings, I would have been able to buy one or two.
The next morning when he arrived for our scheduled work time, I asked him about the fans. He nonchalantly said, “I figured you could wing it like campers do. It was only one night.” Then he laughed. I looked at him and saw what seemed like a devilish gleam within his eyes. His eyes were dark and glassy. An overcast shadow moved quickly across his face but just as quickly disappeared. Had I not seen it with my own eyes, I would not have been able to explain it. It was then that I knew that he did not care. Despite sensing this all along, I now “knew” that he did not care about me at all. It was evident.
Fortunately, I had an appointment with someone coming over to service my air conditioner. So I was no longer worried, but when the man arrived to service the unit, I was shocked by what his visit would bring out in Mr. Charm. Mr. Charm was nothing short of rude and crude with lots of negative attitude. He behaved so immaturely that I was able to gauge his chronological age of emotional development at age seven.
In the midst of assisting Mr. Charm with repairs, I needed to frequently talk with the serviceman about several aspects of the air conditioning repairs. This required putting my assistance with Mr. Charm off so that I could handle my home business first. Mr. Charm was annoyed by this despite the fact that it was imperative that I communicate with the serviceman about the needs of my home.
Several times, Mr. Charm shouted my name to assist him with a repair right when I was in the middle of talking to the serviceman about some pertinent issues with the air conditioning unit. At one point, when I went out to assist Mr. Charm while the serviceman was servicing the unit and returned, Mr. Charm remarked, “Let the man do his job and you do yours. He doesn’t need you.” I was astonished.
There I was trying to attend to the serviceman when he asked me questions or wanted to inform me of something, but Mr. Charm had a problem with this. I turned to look at Mr. Charm and calmly responded, “It’s my air conditioner and my home, and I’m going to take care of what’s mine. You’re just going to have to deal with it. I’m not going to be hot another night just because you want me outside with you. You seem to work fine without me anyway.”
I could feel an element of tension rising, but I did not understand the reason. I was having my air conditioner repaired, but Mr. Charm had a problem with it. Why? It made no sense. It was early morning and the temperatures were already in the mid 90s and rising to higher degrees. I needed my air conditioner working. There was no way I could handle another night in the house with that heat. I did not even know why I was talking to myself about this situation as if it I needed Mr. Charm’s approval because I did not.
The service man was extremely nice and humble. I appreciated the instructions and insight he gave me about my air conditioner. It was so hot inside and outside that I offered him snacks and a cold drink. I did so in the same way that I had done Mr. Charm throughout the course of our repair work, but by my doing so for the serviceman seemed to cause Mr. Charm to react with great negativity.
In fact, while the serviceman was using the watering hose to clean debris from the unit, Mr. Charm told me that he should not be allowed to use it since we were using it. “What?” I was so dumbfounded. “What is he supposed to use?” I asked. Mr. Charm was really getting on my nerves. “Let him figure it out!” Mr. Charm said aggressively.
Mr. Charm was blatantly rude to the serviceman for know reason, but the the serviceman appeared to be oblivious and was doing his job. When the serviceman was finished using the watering hose, he placed it back near our work area. Mr. Charm took the hose and squirted it – pretending not to notice that he had shot the water in the serviceman’s direction wetting the top portion of the serviceman’s clothing. The serviceman turned around, but instead of getting an attitude, smiled and said, “I needed that. It’s hot out here!” I was astounded. Mr. Charm’s behavior was completely out of line and disrespectful. I shot him a stern look.
Finally, when the serviceman left, I walked him outside and talked with him about my air conditioner. He planned to come to the next day for a follow up. I apologized to him for Mr. Charm’s behavior, and the serviceman said something I had heard all too often from others. “He’s quite a pill!” This was just a nicer way to dress up the fact that Mr. Charm was unpleasant to be around and a hard person to take. While standing in the serviceman’s presence, it suddenly occurred to me that Mr. Charm was an incredibly miserable person.
Rising Abuse In Language and Behavior
Over the course of the repair project, Mr. Charm became more ornery and I became more dismal. His narcissistic abuses expanded from manipulation and control tactics to outright verbal abuse. Eggshells were cracking all of time. I never knew when he was going to explode in anger. In the beginning, I blamed stroke effects, but I grew to realize he had issues of the heart.
Although I could empathize with his frustrations because of his limited use and mobility of only one hand while working on repairs, I could not connect with his frequent displays of negativity. My home no longer felt like my sanctuary anymore, and as much as I tried keeping his energy on the outside, it all eventually crashed down on me and affected me in major ways.
I lost sleep because of high anxiety. The depression I battled become more of a struggle. I cried inwardly while outwardly keeping a suppressed smile on my face. I tried desperately to be a good friend, but my friendship was not good enough. I could only settle for being a good assistant to Mr. Charm while we worked on repairs, and that was even worse for me. He always seemed to be annoyed with me.
He reacted towards me as if I lacked common sense and intelligence. He frequently talked down to me in condescending ways. Occasionally, when we took breaks, I would walk outside or inside to see him sitting on the deck or at the table “bible reading.” Although I never wanted to pass judgment upon him, I would grow angry when I saw the piety and pride he exhibited as if he were so holy and so good. He was far from it. He was like a brooding viper – a blood-sucking force of darkness – draining me of life. It was enough. Enough! I was about to reach my breaking point surely enough.
In the next blog post I explain the second major event that led up to the final saga that convinced me that the chapter of my life with Mr. Charm needed to be closed.
My Voice Unchained 