Reaching My Breaking Point
Narcissists no know limits when it comes to abusing their targets. So was the case with me. Mr. Charm knew no limits to the amount of narcissistic abuse tactics he wielded upon me, and his tactics grew more psychologically and diabolically abusive as the repair project we worked on together continued each day. I found that I was feeling more on edge and unsettled as he continued his abuse tactics against me. I also felt less peace within my own home no matter how much I attempted to keep his drama at bay. The state of anxiety was a constant for me.
With Mr. Charm, I could do nothing right. He never failed to mention this fact throughout the repair process. The ongoing criticism of my assistance to him during the repair process took its toll upon me. Instead of engaging in word battles with him, I responded to him less to keep the peace. I frequently walked upon the imaginary eggshells that he set up on my property, I attempted to avoided at all costs the landmines of his rage. At some point, I took notice that he was literally on a mission to destroy me. In fact, my destruction had been his plan all along.
In retrospect, I now look back and know for certain that he offered his assistance with repairs for the purpose of getting his revenge against me, In his eyes, I was the cause of great narcissistic injury against him regarding the things I had said to him about his church and his association with his fellow church members. I was well-acquainted with the dynamics of the church he attended because I was once a former member. The church had all the characteristics of a cult, and cults thrive upon inflicting their members through tactics of spiritual abuse. My pointing this out to him was a major problem.
Exposing truth to him about his spiritual situation actually had the opposite affect upon him. Instead of helping him to see the plight of his situation, I only enraged him. Yet, his rage against me had less to do with what was going on with the church. His rage against me had actually more to do with the fact that he was unable to control me and my views regarding the church. There was absolutely nothing he could do to change my mind to cause me to join forces with him in agreement. So, he decided to bring me down a few notches by destroying me in the process. He wanted me to ultimately destroy me within the safety of my own environment.
Enough was enough. I had reached my breaking point!
Prelude To The Future
On an outing with Mr. Charm to pick up some materials to finish up the repair project, I was given a prelude to the future. I do not even remember the specifics of what we had been discussing, but I do remember that it had to do with a spiritual concept. He did not specifically speak about his church but instead couched his terms around a scenario. Knowing what I knew about the context of the message and how the leaders of his church twisted scriptures, I simply told him that I did not agree with him.
Disagreements with Mr. Charm were the ultimate no-no. Disagreements of any kind were intolerable to him. He always needed to argue to prove his point and exert his dominance when I disagreed with him. His attitude was always that he was right and I was wrong no matter the issue. On this particular store outing, we were walking through the hardware store searching for items with him attempting to prove his point about the topic. I was uninterested and no longer cared to discuss it anymore and told him so. He was livid.
As we reached midway down an aisle, he stepped in front of me and turned to face me. He looked down upon me and looked me straight in my eyes and said, “I ought to slap the shit out of you!” He then laughed as if he were joking. Without missing a beat within the conversation as was my style, I quickly responded back, “I’d like to see you slap me because I’ll be the last person you ever slap.” I then stepped away from him and walked around to the next aisle all the while testing his words and checking the energy within the atmosphere.
Although I did not sense any immediate danger, I held onto his words. I knew from experience that any time a person made physical threats to cause harm, they really had the intention to cause harm. On the way back to my home, I rode in silence while listening to him attempt to reiterate his points to me on the previous topic. His were points that I no longer intended to discuss. Instead, I was in deep thought as to how I needed to end my predicament and get out of what seemed like an increasingly volatile situation.
I reasoned within myself that he may have only joked about hitting me as a way to intimidate me. I figured that he may have wanted to just shut me down for my thoughts and opinions. I also attempted to analyze his behaviors in light of his post-stroke condition. I had researched extensively how victims of stroke suffered from extreme bouts of anger and aggression because of the stroke’s impact upon brain functioning.
Yet, prior to his stroke, Mr. Charm had the type of anger and aggression that was deep-seated within him that he did not express outwardly. He only expressed his charm. He was/is a narcissist. Post stroke, the anger and aggression were just harder for him to control. I imagined, however, that he only showed his “private” face to me and unsuspecting others who he had no reason to impress but saved his public face for his church family and those who felt he needed to impress.
Nonetheless, after what seemed to be a nonchalant physical threat of harm, I began to realize that even with just a supposed presentation of friendship that Mr. Charm was presenting me with a prelude to the future if I continued on with him as a “friend”. The manifestations of what he had already shown me throughout the repair process regarding his negative behavior had already enabled me to realize that I no longer enjoyed his company. It became more apparent to me that we were not even real friends. What was the point of remaining in a friendship with someone who seemed to actually hate me? In silence, I planned my exit from the madness.
The Second of Two
There were two major events that propelled me into the final saga of this drama-filled friendship. The first was the situation involving my air conditioner. Mr. Charm was not at all helpful in that situation. He offered me two fans but never produced them for my aid at all. During that time, I recall that he actually took comfort in my misery. He even antagonized the serviceman who came to my home to repair the air conditioner. In fact, his behavior towards the serviceman was downright rude. So it should have come as no surprise when Mr. Charm’s behavior towards me became increasing worse.
By the time the second major even occurred, my emotions were already spent and my anxiety level was extremely high. I was unhappy and on edge from lack of sleep. So much time with Mr. Charm had deprived me of much needed sleep and rest. The times he arrived at my home to work became earlier and earlier with each visit and later into the night when it was too dark to work. I dreaded his visits more and more. He seemed more determined to complete the project, and even though I was as determined as he was, his increase in time spans did not necessarily mean that the project was completed any faster. In fact, it appeared that we were slowing down more than anything.
One particular day while Mr. Charm and I working on smoothing out wood pieces with an electrical sanding machine. I was assisting in holding down wood pieces to keep things steady. I had already acquired the habit of simply keeping quiet because of the constant complaints and criticisms that Mr. Charm gave me about my assistance. While working with a wood plank, he became angry and hammered down a piece of wood so hard that he broke the plank in half.
One part of the plank splintered off and a tiny slither of wood became lodged into my hand. It was more or less a splinter, but it hurt something terrible. Instead of coming to my aid, Mr. Charm looked at me with eyes of contempt and cursed at me for being so stupid. Then he immediately blamed me for the issues even though he was the cause of my torment. His reaction was all I needed to stop working and attend to taking the splinter out of my hand.
It actually took some time for me to get the splinter out because it was lodged deeper within the skin than I first originally thought. I tried everything I could think of short of going to urgent care for assistance because the pain was so bad. Mr. Charm never assisted me, never asked if I was okay, and never gave any hint that he even cared about my pain. Instead, he fussed and fumed about me not assisting him. He He told me to basically get over myself when I returned back outside after more than an hour of trying to expel the splinter from my hand.
I told him that I could not work without having removed the splinter, but he would not hear of it and just continued to mumble and mutter explicative language in my direction. His verbal assault was all I could take. I was done. Finally, I had enough and told him that I refused to work with him while he was being verbally abusive towards me. He looked at me in shock, but I turned to go back inside the house. I did not understand why he was so angry when I was the one who was physically hurt.
Once I entered the house, I sat at the bottom of the staircase and attempted to regroup. Sharp knives of pointed anxiety stabbed the inner parts of my stomach. I could feel droplets of tears forming inside of me attempting to arise to my eyes to fall. I tried regather myself. I wanted to cry but could not. All I could think about was how Mr. Charm’s rage seemed more out of control than usual. I could not think of anything that I had done to him except exist.
Mr. Charm seemed angry with me for no reason, but deep down I understood his anger against me. I had experienced this type of narcissistic rage against me enough to know that his rage had little to do with me and more to do with him. However, I was tired of standing down with him. I was fatigued from continuously putting up with him. He behaved like a child throwing a temper tantrum, and it was beyond aggravating to me. I could not even rest in my own home. It was one thing to put up with him at his home and be able to leave, but it was entirely different to put up with him when I could not leave.
The most thankful I could be was that I was simply his friend with no sexual benefits. I gasped at the thought for even having entertained it when I first met him. Now, I was more than happy to stay in his friendzone. Yet, even the friendzone had become quite a task that I was more than ready to end. I was ready to part ways with him for good. I needed to part ways with him. I needed my sanity back, and I hated feeling unease within my own home. He had crossed into my territory, and I had allowed it under the guise of his supposed help. Although I was grateful that he was helping me with repairs, I was more than ready for this project to come to an end.
Unfolding Drama
To break into my thoughts, Mr. Charm came inside and demanded to know my problem.
Him: “What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you out here helping me?”
Me: “Didn’t you hear me? I needed a break.”
Him: “Your break is over now. Come back to work.”
Me: “It’s nearly 5 o’clock. I suggest we call it quits for today. I’ve had enough.”
Him: “There you go with your laziness and complaining. You really need to get over yourself!”
Me: “I hurt my hand … or should I say your negligence and anger over something that had nothing to do with me hurt my hand.”
Him: “You’re crying over a splinter??! Aww … Boohoo! Cry me a river!”
He laughed obnoxiously! His voice seemed to echo in a sinister way. I stared at him and tried to discern what else I was hearing.
Me: “You make everything a joke, but it took a while to get that splinter out, and it’s not even just the splinter. It’s you! It’s your behavior. Nothing I do is right. I’m tired of you treating me like crap and talking to me as if my feelings don’t matter. If this was how you talked to your former employees, I don’t know how they managed not to quit.”
Him: “My former employees were all men and not dumb wussies like you! I do whatever it takes to get the job done.”
Me: “So you mistreat people to get the job done. That’s mighty Christian of you.”
Him: “You’re such a big baby! You came inside to pout all over a splinter. You’re such a big crybaby! You want me to feel sorry for you? You want to cry on my shoulder, don’t you? Well … you should be more careful. That’s on you. Maybe you should work on being a better assistant, you big baby!”
Then he went into a barrage of crying sounds mocking me.
Me: “Why are you like this? What’s wrong with you?”
Him: [mocking me] “Why are you like this? What’s wrong with you? ”
More loud crying sounds from him continued until I could no longer take his ridiculous antics.
Me: “I’m done for today, and so are you. I need you to leave, and I need you to leave now.”
Him: [mocking me in an even more babyish tone] “I’m done for today, and so are you. I need you to leave, and I need you to leave now.”
Me: “You act like such a child, and for what? A grown man behaving like a child. Just get out of my house! Leave now!”
For a moment, there was a weird silence, but I never moved from my sitting position on the staircase. I just stared at him. I could see him becoming more undone. I could see his feet pinned in a strange position as if his toes were pointing directly into the floor through his shoes. (I noted that I had seen this position of his rage before.) He was standing by the door with what appeared to be a hesitation. I was unsure of what he was going to do, but his display ended up being far more dramatic than just a simple “goodbye”.
Him: [He yelled loudly] FINE! I’LL LEAVE, YOU STUPID BITCH!”
Me: [shocked but unable to stop myself from verbalizing a reaction] Wow! Okay! Wow! Just wow!
He slammed the door so hard I thought it might come off the hinges and break the glass frame. I saw him through the window walking away angrily. Shortly after, I heard him rummaging around in the garage most likely getting his tools. Then I heard his car door shut. I got up and watched him through the blinds back out and drive away. I then checked the door he had slammed for any signs of damage and then closed the garage door. Afterwards, I went upstairs to my room, sat on my bed, and released all of the anguish of my anxiety into tears. I was splintered.
My Voice Unchained 