The Inevitable
It was bound to happen sooner or later. The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist (PGN) and I both live in the same community. In fact, we live nearly two miles apart. The fact that I live so closely to her and have minutely escaped running into her is quite the accomplishment. So it was inevitable that I would eventually no longer be able to avoid her, and I have tried to avoid her a great deal since going no-contact from her almost a year ago.
When it happened, it was like any other normal day. There was nothing special about it at all. I did not wake up with the sense that things were different until after the fact. Maybe that’s why I stood back in awe at my own reaction to our exchange. Something had already changed within me, but I had not immediately noticed it.
I was driving back from a routine work delivery when I happened to find myself behind a familiar looking vehicle. It was the small bright neon-colored decal on the back windshield that I noticed first. My vision, however, seems to be worsening even with my eyeglasses. So I was not sure if I was seeing the decal as it really was in that moment.
Normally, I feel a sense of dread when I realize I am in the vicinity of this particular narcissist. We did not have the proper relational closure. The cut off from the PGN was rather abrupt. There was no closing “goodbye” by either of us even though an end was surely on the horizon. I just became sick and tired of her games. I ended our so-called friendship by simply blocking her access to me. I cut off communication with her because I was done and wanted to cut off the amount of narcissistic personalities within my life.
I looked again at the vehicle in front of me as I tried not to drive too closely behind it. I saw a person look at me through the side mirror. I instantly but nonchalantly looked away. I thought it was the husband of the PGN at first, but I was not completely sure. My mind immediately trailed back to the past. This PGN and her husband had done a number on me. They displayed themselves as my friends, but they exploited my kindness before I had a chance to detect their dishonesty.
By the time I had figured them out, it was already too late. I had learned a hard and expensive lesson at the same time and that was to never intertwine business with “friends”. I also learned to never count myself safe with anyone I suspect might be a narcissist. The PGN indeed fit the description. I had been trailing her personality traits for a long time simply because I felt something was always off with her, but I could never manage to put my finger on the issue.
The PGN had all the criteria of a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. Everything about her seemed to take me back to others like her who had been in her life. I had wanted to give her the benefit of doubt though. I figured that maybe she was just a person who lacked the ability to properly express her emotions, but the longer I was around the PGN, the more I realized that her traits reminded me of the very traits my mother exhibited towards me.
In addition, the marital relationship of the PGN also mirrored that of a narcissist with a flying monkey for a mate. I had seen this scenario for a relationship a few times before, and I knew what it looked like, what it sounded like, and what it felt like. I saw her relationship with her mate, and knew their dance quite well. It was a dance that revealed to me the level of her disorder. Her husband was just another pawn in her game. Whoever she could get to act upon her evil deeds for her, then that is the person she would use to do so, and her flying monkey husband always obliged her willingly.
Nevertheless, I wanted to avoid reopening a door I had closed, so I found a way to merge into another lane from behind the vehicle in front of me. When I landed beside the vehicle, I dared not to look in the person’s direction. Instead, I looked ahead and waited patiently for the traffic light to turn green. This was my own game of avoidance. I hated playing it, but for the sake of keeping no-contact, I did what I needed to do. In time, I figured that this situation would pass me by and so would the vehicle. I reasoned since the PGN had not bothered to reach out to me in nearly a year, the door was closed on her end too.
When the light changed to green, I turned off as a deterrent away from the vehicle. After all, I had changed the course of my direction and was going elsewhere. I did not expect to be followed by the vehicle I was trying to get away from. I expected the vehicle to continue straight on its way. That is not what actually occurred though. Through the rear view mirror, I saw the vehicle quickly make an abrupt turn behind me – literally cutting in front of car to stay on course behind me. Strangely, I did not think I was being followed until I noticed I was literally being followed at every turn and angle.
So I turned off into a parking space at a nearby restaurant. I thought the vehicle would turn off elsewhere and cease to follow me until I looked up in the rear view mirror to see that was not the case. The vehicle had turned in position directly behind me – blocking me into the parking space. I looked and waited because I was not sure what the person inside of the vehicle was going to do. I could not be too careful, but I found myself totally unguarded with no way out. I waited for my emotions to indicate that I was in danger. There were no emotions. I felt nothing.
I watched as the vehicle waited as if to hesitate on what to do next. The vehicle then turned into the parking space next to me. I looked over and saw that the person driving the vehicle was indeed the PGN. The time of avoiding her was now over. We were now so clearly face to face, and there was nowhere for me to run. I waited for any emotional panic within me to set in, but I felt nothing. I would have ignored her, but that was just not the type of behavior within me to do. Since I realized that I had no emotions, I turned to do what was natural. I got out of my vehicle and walked over to hers and spoke to her.
The PGN had encountered me with a strike. What was I going to do?
Find out what happened in the next post.
My Voice Unchained 