Workplace Bullies
I often experienced the cold shoulder and stonewalling from my department colleagues, secret sabotages and destruction of some of my documents, embedded nails inside my automobile tires, and unbelievable amounts of gaslighting that created such an imbalance within me that I increased the amount of times I met with my therapist. Going to work was a very much dreaded activity during this time, and I often held back my tears from surfacing while at work. Yet, all the while, I only vaguely noticed that the PGN was somewhat distant towards me because there would be times that she would put up a façade and pretend that she was there for me.
Meanwhile, her flying monkeys shut me out, frequently shut down their conversations when I came around them, and behaved with hostility towards me. During the time, I was not even particularly sure as to why they reacted to me so meanly, but because I was so busy with an extra load of work, I often did not have time to indulge in their pettiness. As the friction of it all continued though, I found myself shutting all the way down. I disappeared often into my cubicle area where I was able to do work uninterrupted in silence for hours. It was during this time that an unexpected true friendship became my refuge.
Embedded Nails
There were a whole lot of other dramatic things going on at work that made me feel isolated and set apart from everyone else. As I stated before, I did not realize that there was a mob of colleagues that were set up against me. However, I did take note of how attitudes from people I had never had any problems with were changing negatively towards me. For this reason, I often felt very alone. Things were so bad for me at work that I began secretly planning my exit as well as keeping a journal of all the occurrences.
At first, the journal keeping was for my own sanity because I was being gaslighted so much that I was led to believe that what was happening to me was not really happening. In fact, when I revealed to one of my colleagues that I believed that my tires were being purposely punctured with nails, he laughed at me. He laughed at me in a way that made me immediately feel that he was aware of the truth but was playing along with a joke to make me feel that I was crazy. In fact, I always look back upon that time and realize that he was just as good, if not better, at gaslighting than the PGN herself.
In terms of the nails in my tires, I found that I was frequently visiting mechanics for tire plugs or brand new tires. In fact, almost every week there was always some tire issue whether the warning system light in my car flashed or not. Specifically, two mechanics blatantly told me that the positions of the nails in my tires could not have been caused by merely running over nails. They both believed that the nails had been literally placed in my tires in positions where they would not be detected immediately. This explains why the warning system lights in the car would not flash for tire issues as soon as the nails were embedded into the tires.
For the longest time, others joked that I just had a bad streak of luck with running over nails. Yet, I knew these nails were being embedded by someone, but I just did not know by whom. I was so not putting the pieces together that I never even once considered that the nails were embedded by the PGN or her flying monkeys. Of course, I have no proof. Yet, shortly after leaving that job for good, all of the embedded nail issues disappeared completely. Now, I only replace tires for normal wear and tear.
The PGN’s flying monkeys at the time, who I also believed to be my friends, were in on it too. They would altogether gaslight me to the point that I did not know what to believe about the reality of what I was experiencing on the job. I would later come to realize that the PGN was sabotaging my work efforts every step of the way, but I had no idea as to her reasons.
When the PGN learned that I had created a file with a list of dates and occurrences as documentation to present to human resources and even legal counsel about my experiences, she counseled me against it – begging me to forgo this venture in the hopes that things would get better for me. Miraculously, things did get better to the point that things settled down enough for me to breathe. Yet, I had to continue to breathe a sigh of relief alone. Besides the janitor during the afternoons, I had no work friends to confide in during the day. So I spent a lot of time alone – including lunch.
Near Death For A Reason
Months later, however, I would end up being rushed to the hospital after having an allergic reaction to a meal I had eaten for lunch. It never once dawned on me that the PGN could have been the culprit to my situation, but I never dismissed her behavior on that day. Although I did not tie the events of the day to her doing, I did take note of a few things that seemed odd to me. It would be her flying monkeys that would attend to me on this day of my near-death experience while the PGN remained distant, out of sight, and seemingly aloof.
Throughout this scary ordeal, the supervisor stayed with me the entire time at the hospital even up to the point that I no longer needed his presence. Despite the doctor and other medical staff assuring us both that I was in the clear, the supervisor never wanted to leave my side. I finally had to assure him that I would be okay. All of the activity had increased my overwhelming need to have some introvert time to process the events of the day. In thought, it never occurred to me that anyone had it in for me, but it did bother me that the PGN, someone I believed to be my friend at the time, never called me or checked on me the entire time. Instead, it was her peons that did the job for her.
In retrospect, I know that I was poisoned by her. I know the moment that it occurred. She was the only other person in the microwave area when I returned from the restroom to get my food. She had been waiting for me so that she could warm her food. Of course, I would never be able to prove she did anything, but I know it in my gut. It is a knowing that was later confirmed to me by another episode years later that proved her strong hatred of me all along. Nevertheless, had the doctor never half-joked about me possibly being poisoned by someone since I had no known food allergies, there would have never been a reason for me to suspect her unless I tied all of the puzzle pieces of the past together in another way.
Hospital Dialogue
I will never forget the look on the supervisor’s face when the doctor made the joke.
The doctor: I only wish you had kept the food so that I could run a test sample to see what you might have been allergic to. The only way we will ever know is to run an extensive blood test to see your known allergies.
Me: But I’m not allergic to any food except shellfish as far as I know. That’s the same lunch I eat at least once a week.
Doctor: Where did you keep the food?
Me: What do you mean?
Doctor: Was it in the fridge? Did you heat it up?
Me: Yes. I heated it in the microwave.
Doctor: Where are the fridge and microwave?
Me: I have a fridge in my cubicle area, but the microwave I used was in the back office area near the secretary’s suite not far from the restrooms.
Doctor: Did you leave the food unattended at any time?
Me: Yes. I went to the restroom while the food was heating.
Doctor: (laughing) Maybe you have an enemy that wanted to poison you. (more laughing) You really need to be careful leaving your food unattended.
Me: (laughing) Okay. I can’t say I have any enemies though. It’s always the same people in the area when I’m there anyway, and we all do the same thing.
Doctor: Well, we’ll get you scheduled for those blood tests so we can see what the culprit is. Until then, I’d advise not to eat that particular meal again until we know something.
Me: Strange … because I’ve been eating that meal every week for almost a year now.
Doctor: Unless you added something different to it, we won’t ever know for sure until these tests.
At some point during the conversation, I looked at the supervisor. He had a look of distress on his face. He seemed to be more concerned about the situation than I was at the time. I thought maybe he was an empath and was feeling everything on my behalf. Yet, at the same time, something appeared off to me about his reaction. Color seemed to be completely drained from his face. It appeared that he had dissociated and was someplace else. I asked him if he were okay, but he responded that he was fine.
However, I had sensed for quite some time that he had grown distant towards me throughout the year to the point that he seemed to be a part of the “mob” of colleagues that were silently against me, gaslighting me, and making my life a living hell at work. In fact, he had compounded upon my stress by behaving towards me in the same way. Much of the time he stonewalled me and frequently ignored me as if I did not even exist. I had even noticed how his tone had changed with me. He behaved towards me as if I were someone he did not know, needed to frequently scold for wrong doing, and boisterously bark commands at as if I were a child.
Yet, the person that sat before me while I sat propped up in a hospital bed was completely concerned and endearing towards me. He did not seem to be my enemy but was instead the kind person I had gotten to know when he had first started the job. So I reasoned that maybe he felt bad for all that had taken place in the course of the year. I did note that he seemed to have a nervous energy about him that made me eager for him to leave. I was so overwhelmed by his nervous energy because I felt enveloped in a complete internal peace. If I was good, why did he appear as if he were not good? Had he been that worried about me? Although I was near death, I was okay. I had survived.
Stay tuned for more to this story in the next post.
My Voice Unchained 