In a Hospital Room Bewildered With Questions
During my short stay at the hospital after a severe allergic reaction to the lunch I had eaten, I was bewildered with questions. The questions were dormant within me though, and I chose not to verbalize them. In fact, the questions were just fleeting thoughts based on inconsistencies and things that did not completely register to me about the entire situation. Reflectively, I do not believe I could have accepted what might have been the inevitable truth about the circumstances at the time. Could I have been poisoned by a supposed friend? Were two of the flying monkeys of that friend attempting to cover it up? Did they even know that they were attempting to cover anything up?
Needless to say, the one thing that stood out to me during my hospital stay was how the supervisor who accompanied me to the hospital reacted when the doctor verbalized how he wished I had kept a food sample of what I had eaten. The doctor thought it was weird that something I had always eaten had given me such a severe allergic reaction. He recommended an allergy and blood tests because the allergic reaction was so severe. He warned me that I could have actually died had it not been for the quick thinking of the onsite nurse on the job.
The doctor also mentioned that if nothing was found as a cause for my reaction, then he jokingly suggested that maybe I had been poisoned by someone since I did leave my food unattended in the microwave area for a few minutes. Although he and I both laughed about it, it was certainly common for me to leave my food in the microwave for short instances without thought. The microwave area was, in fact, a place where staff congregated to heat their own lunches right before we all went to the common eating area.
Looking back upon this episode in my life, the PGN and her best friend (and flying monkey) were the only other people in the area waiting to heat their own food after me. As I recall, the flying monkey left the area along with me to go to the restroom. So I would not put it past the PGN to do something crazy especially since she was covertly leading the mob of colleagues who were standing against me over an antagonistic working situation which she had created for me during one of my absences. Had it not been for my will not to be controlled in that situation, it is very possibly that a near fatal allergic reaction would not have caused me to go to the hospital.
Although the doctor was joking about the poisoning, I recall looking at the supervisor and seeing a sense of sheer terror come across his face. I laughed in that very moment as I stared at him, but never forgot the expression on his face. I actually found it strange at the time. Yet, I could only fathom to think that the supervisor behaved in the way he had because he was really concerned about me. After all, the nurse and a few others that stood by and saw me in distress said that I had broken out into hives, had developed severe facial swelling that changed the color of my skin, and had seemed gone into a state of unconsciousness prior to being given a dose of epinephrine to counteract the allergic reaction.
Nevertheless, upon my return to work the next day, my life returned to normal. No one seemed to be happier to see me than the supervisor. He was the first person to greet me with a huge hug. Days and weeks afterward, however, he seemed to distance himself from me until I realized that I rarely saw him anymore. In fact, we only spoke to each if I saw him passing. Often, I would literally have to go out of my way to speak to him because it often appeared that he was avoiding me.
Eventually, the supervisor transferred to a different work site, and although there have been opportunities for him to remain in touch with me just as he has done so with the PGN and the other flying monkeys, he never spoken to me again. When I finally left that job two years later, I was saddened that I left without ever having the opportunity to give him a proper “goodbye”. The best friend and flying monkey of the PGN let me know that she “chastised” him for never giving me a sendoff being that we were all a part of the same “friendship” circle, but even with her chastisement, he refused to have anything else to do with me.
Admittedly, my feelings were hurt because I considered him like a friend. I had always been his cheerleader when he acquired the supervisory role, and even after he distanced himself from me, I maintained my respect and support for him. I was incredibly stunned that someone who had sat for nearly four hours with me by my hospital bed with great concern for me could turn on me and never acknowledge my existence. It would not be until I had an epiphany as to the reason why he distanced himself from me that I came to understand the invisible strings attached to and pulled by the PGN. They had been close friends for years prior to either of them ever working with me. So it all made sense after the fact.
Tying The Past To The Present
Fast forward to years later in the present, my mind would flashback because of a different episode with an allergic reaction I had to prescribed medication. In the moments of that reaction, which produced the same allergic effects I had in the past, I remembered the words of the doctor from the hospital. This time around, I had ingested something that was deadly enough to kill me. It was then that I immediately knew that I had indeed been poisoned years before by the PGN. I clearly saw her face appear within my mind during the moments of my reaction.
It was like I had an instant awareness that the previous allergic reaction was more than just an allergic reaction. I could clearly see the PGN’s face with that familiar gleam of hatred she always had in her eyes for me. I had no doubt that she had put something in my food when I was not around it [back then] when no one was around to see her do it. I had all the confidence in the world that I had lived through something that was intended for my destruction … my literal end.
At the time, the PGN was nowhere around during my actual suffering. It appeared that she sent two of her flying monkeys to aid in my rescue. In fact, with all the commotion that was going on, other less engaged flying monkeys who were actually around to see my suffering did not lend a helping hand to me at all. I had to beg one of the PGN’s most dubious flying monkeys to call for help. He would later claim that I was being far too dramatic flailing my arms about for help. Yet, I flailed my arms because I was going into panic mode. I could not breathe. My airways were literally closing.
That particular colleague behaved as if my reaction was not a big deal until his client shouted at him, “Hey! She’s not okay! Don’t you have a nurse here? Get her now or I’m calling 911!” By this point I had collapsed to the floor while gasping for air. When the nurse came, that particular colleague stepped over me as if I were an animal. I still remember thinking how unscathed the bottom of his black patent leather shoes were and wondered if his shoes were new. I look back on that time and realize that many of my colleagues had a callous attitude towards me because they had already been conditioned by the smearing lies of the PGN.
It seemed the day was set up for me to die, but God had other plans. Whatever was meant for my harm did not come to fruition, and what should have been my darkest hour was literally a dark hour for the narcissist because I lived to tell my story. Meanwhile, during that time, the PGN never once appeared to come out from wherever she was hiding as a concerned friend. Instead, it was her flying monkeys who came to the scene and stood around and watched until my situation became life threatening enough to have emergency medical services dispatched for my rescue.
I found it fascinating that the PGN’s number one flying monkey and best friend would come through for me by making sure that I had a way to get home. She made sure to get my car to the the hospital, and the supervisor remained at the hospital with me up until an hour before I was released to go home. I never received a phone call nor a text message from the PGN during my entire ordeal. Yet, I knew that the supervisor texted the PGN and kept her updated with information of my progress because he mentioned it to me.
Looking back, the PGN never contacted me even after I was released to go home. She was completely silent! Instead, her best friend and flying monkey called to check on me. I was so puzzled by the PGN’s behavior that I took to journaling about it. My journal is covered in several notations about her behavior. I literally raised several red flags about her behavior, but I was blinded by my own loyalty to her as a friend even though she was not reacting to me as if she were my friend at all.
I particularly recall that while I was experiencing the beginning stages of the allergic reaction, the PGN was nearby watching me. I saw her glances in my peripheral vision, but I also passed by her a few times as I was getting water to clear my throat and going to the bathroom a few times to cough up the invisible knot within my throat that began to constrict my ability to breathe calmly. At the time, however, I never gave her stares any long-lasting thought. I was too busy trying to figure out what was happening while I was experiencing a life-threatening situation.
Yet, the moment my situation became critical, the PGN was nowhere to be found at all. She completely disappeared, and only her flying monkeys came to my rescue. In fact, the PGN told me days later, after the fact, that she recalls hearing the emergency code for the nurse over the PA system. The supervisor just happened to be with her when she heard the call, and he and her best friend kicked into high gear coming to my rescue. At the time, I saw their gestures as friends coming to my aid, but I was the fool in that situation. I can only imagine her disappointment when she learned I had survived the allergic reaction because I was surprisingly back at work the next day.
This Present Hoover
Now, however, there is nothing that I could prove against her, and she has done a whole lot more worse than what I suspect from that particular situation that I know but cannot prove either. Even still, though, it does not even matter because she is no longer a part of my life now. I never suspected her at the time. My suspicions occurred only after I began to put puzzle pieces together over time. In fact, I never gave that incident another thought for a long time.
Yet, now when I think about it all, those circumstances were all seemingly ripe for my poisoning since I was already being wrung through the work mob ringer for standing my ground against a volatile working situation that she had created against me. When I look back at that situation during the time, I was so blindly unaware that she was my greatest enemy literally looking for a way to bring me down and destroy me on her count. I am grateful that God was protecting me when I clearly could not see what was going on at that time.
Fast forward to the present, and I am now facing the PGN’s hoover as she chitchats about the days of her life. Although I listened to her intently, my mind reminds me of the past. My mind warns me of all the reasons I need to keep her out of my life. Interestingly, I do not harbor any unforgiveness, anger, or hatred against the PGN at all. In fact, I still have love for her, and during this hoovering moment, I was genuinely happy to see her. My mind, however, knew not to let go of the past events because those events enabled me to see the PGN for the person she truly was then and is now.
The PGN is indeed a narcissist – a sociopath even. I do not put anything past what she is capable of doing to a person she hates. From the time she met me, the PGN has desperately wanted to get rid of me. For whatever reason, she considered me as a threat to her. She attempted to create competitions between us that I never gave any credence since I am not competitive by nature. I saw her stand by waiting for the moment when she could come into my private circle with just me, myself, and I and make herself someone who was friendly to me even though she truly never became a real friend to me. Instead, she learned as much information about me as she could so that she could later use that information against me. Yet, without a reason she could understand, I just always kept coming out on the other side of survival and dodging the traps she had set for me.
It took me by surprise when I realized that the PGN had never been a true friend to me at all. She had actually wanted to see my literal demise, and realizing this was a huge emotional blow to my gut. She literally had attempted my demise socially, physically, and financially even though I would never be able to prove it to anyone. Despite the lack of proof, I have no doubt about all that she has done no matter what anyone says to attempt to convince me otherwise. I just know. I just know that I know.
Yet, during the hoovering moment as I stood before her and looked into her eyes as she talked, I could clearly see that she did not know that I knew. I could clearly see she had no idea that I was more than a few steps ahead of her attempting to calculate other plan to bring me down. Instead, she held a tiny micro smirk on her face that told me that she saw me to be as stupid as they come. Her own miniature glance of smugness was all my mind needed to see to know that she had not changed at all. She was still doing what narcissists do so well. So I could only guess in that moment that she believed I would again succumb to her a second time and allow her back into my life.
She had another thing coming if she thought that I was going to allow this hoover attempt to suck me back into her darkness though. Being sucked back into her hellacious vortex was not going to happen. Not at all. I could see the hope for a reunion with me in her eyes, but it takes two to play this type of game. Since this initial hoover, I have seen her three more times in passing while we were both in our vehicles. One time I actually waved, but the other two times I stared a hole right through her without daring to speak. I could literally see that narcissistic glare she always gives that radiates with hatred, but I drove past her willing myself not to acknowledge a person I no longer want in my life.
If I had only considered my first hunch years ago when I saw the PGN out of the corner of my eye making her way as a predator on the prowl towards me, I would have avoided all of this. I would have saved myself a lot of heartache. She knew all long what she was doing. She had purposed to do what she has done to me, and if I allow this woman back into my life again, then I am the fool. Sadly, in that so-called friendship, I have consistently played the fool as I hoped for the best when she only showed me the worst of who she truly was as a person while making sure to show herself as a good person in front of others.
I have to wonder how much damage she has done in the lives of others including her flying monkeys. I have to wonder how they are able to up with her. As for me, however, I am fortunate and grateful to have escaped her. One thing is for certain, and two things are for sure, the PGN is dangerous. Therefore, it is for my safety that I stay far away from her. Besides, even she slyly commented that I should always be watchful of my surroundings because I never know who is watching me, and I could not agree with her more.
I should be aware of my surroundings. I should always be aware of the Professional Gaslighting Narcissist. Although I am not the paranoid type, I am vigilant. I will continue to be vigilant. Her narcissistic tactics have never escaped me despite my slowness to sometimes catch on to her. She is subtle, covert, and dangerous. I did eventually learn, though, and I learned a lot! She was a great teacher on covert narcissism without even realizing the wealth of knowledge that she gave me. However, I do not need repeat lessons with her; nor do I want to repeat them. I am finished with her. The door is closed! But stay on the look out for future stories featuring the PGN because we know how narcissists like to hoover.
My Voice Unchained 