Trait Six – Self-Entitlement
Narcissists are self-entitled people. They believe they are deserving of special treatment just because they believe they are special. They believe rules do not apply to them. So they often do not follow them and break them without expecting consequences. They think they can do anything they want, and it does not matter who they inconvenience in the process.
Narcissists have self-inflated egos, and they behave as if the world owes them just because they exist. They expect to have more than what they deserve, and they do not believe they must work to obtain anything. They have the expectation that everything should be served to them because others should be their servants.
I must admit that there have been times that I wished that things in my life could have just been handed to me, but I was taught at an early age that I had to earn my keep. I had to work for what I wanted to have, and I had to work 110% just to show that I was as good as others. This was the attitude that my dad instilled into my siblings and me.
Right at the end of my middle school years, I got a job. I worked to buy everything I wanted to have during my adolescence. My clothing, school supplies, high school ring, and graduation materials were all paid for with the money I worked hard to earn with a job I clocked into right at end of long days in school. To keep my job, I had to keep my grades up. So I did. I graduated with honors and in the top 5 percent of my class. I took nothing for granted, but there were times that I wish that my life could have been a bit easier.
“Money does not grow on trees, and if it did, you would never appreciate anything.” This is something my dad always said to me. He reared me and my siblings with a no-nonsense attitude, and in most cases for me, it paid off. I only had high expectations of myself which often led to a sense of perfection. If I wanted to have a good life, I believe I had to work to get it. I still believe this. I did not expect for the life I wanted to be handed to me. I do not believe that anyone owes me anything just because of who I am unless, of course, they actually owe me something like money or something they borrowed from me.
Self-entitlement often means that the needs of others take a backseat to your own needs. If I had the attitude that everyone should drop everything for me, then that would mean I hold others to expectations that I expect that they meet for me. Yet, I have a tendency to take care of my own responsibilities and not look to others. I have always craved independence, and independence has made me self-sufficient in ways that I do not look to others to meet my needs.
An attitude of entitlement often leads to ungratefulness. I am grateful for all that I have because I know what it has taken me to have what I have in life. I have worked hard. Nothing has been handed to me unless someone felt led to give me something. I have been blessed, and I understand the value of what I have and have learned to take nothing for granted. When I fail to show my gratefulness, I have always given lessons in life as a reminder to always be thankful.
The self-entitled are perpetual victims of life. Although I have been the victim of so many things – trauma, bad circumstances, horrible crime, and negative life occurrences – I choose not to live my life in a state of victimhood. It could be easy to do this though especially when I consider that I always seem to attract narcissists into my life. Yet, even this has its causes to which I am not a victim. In most cases of having narcissists in my life, I was a target and not necessarily a victim.
I have since learned many of the things narcissists have done to me were not solely their responsibility against me alone. I opened the door, let down my guard, and overrode a lot of red flags in favor of keeping things comfortable with narcissists. I was not always blind to their schemes. I was victimized, but I did not remain a victim. I survived and continue to do so.
I choose not to live a life of entitlement. I choose to take accountability for my lot in life. Sure … some things have been beyond my power to control, but in the end, I am responsible for how I react to what happens to me. I choose to keep learning, growing, and changing for the better.
Next up … more blogging on inherited traits.
My Voice Unchained 