Narcissists Must Narrate The Story … Even When It’s Not Theirs

Narcissists Must Narrate The Story … Even When It’s Not Theirs

Narcissists and other individuals with manipulative and controlling traits always need to narrate stories that do not belong to them. They fill up their own identities with the content they see going on with others or they perceive is going on with others. Then they retell that content as if they were some how a part of it.

I have been in the presence of countless narcissists in my life who – particularly during the love bombing stage – were always excited to narrate parts of my life that I told them. Never mind that I may have not wanted my story shared with others. No … these narcissists did not value my confidentiality unless they valued my supply enough not to jeopardize losing it.

For whatever reason, it appeared that narrating my story helped these narcissists to somehow see themselves as an extension of me even though my story may have had nothing at all to do with them (which was always usually the case). The only time that some of these narcissists realized they had crossed the line was when they would stop long enough to see my facial expression of displeasure. Then, they would quickly make attempts to dress my story up or play down their storytelling on my part as a mistake.

The only time narcissists did not care to narrate my story is when my story actually made me the center of the spotlight. Otherwise, those would be the times of hearing them repeat my stories with sarcasm as if to make my stories incredible as if not to be believed because it is me. Of course, these instances would occur during the devaluation stage of narcissistic abuse. By this point in my so-called relationships with these narcissists, they no longer cared about being associated with me as a “friend”.

Unbeknownst to me, however, I would eventually find out that many of my stories would be retold by these narcissists in their circle of friends as their own stories. Only a few people would realize they had heard the stories before. Maybe that is why some narcissists are so quick to discard … so that they can move on and walk in and embody the story of their targets or victims. Usually the few that know the secret are flying monkeys or enablers to these narcissists, and these narcissists know that their circle would never expose them.

In the end, when narcissists feel compelled to narrate your story, they ultimately want to control you and be in control of the elements of your life that they have no part in. Telling your story for you makes them believe that others will defer to them instead of you. They ultimately attempt to silence you by stealing your voice. In these instances of narcissists choosing to narrate my stories, I have had to essentially speak up and point out inconsistencies to correct them [which is never something narcissists want done publicly] or I have literally had to hint in the nicest way possible that “it’s my story to tell”.

If the fangs of these narcissists ever came out when I stood against their narrations, I must admit that in the beginning I would cower through it. Eventually, however, I fought back, and if I crushed them, so be it. I will never forget one narcissist retelling my story in front of me as if it were something that had happened to her. The focus of the audience was all on her as they waited for her to share what happened next. I waited too, and finally said, “Oh wow! You never told me that happened to you too! Wow! All this time, I never knew!” The look on her face was priceless because I had ruined her moment while making her audience laugh.

Yes, it was most likely wrong of me to embarrass her, but it was my story. I figured, if she wanted to make it a game, I could play too. Of course, I had to deal with the fall out of it later as she sought her revenge against me, but at the time, I did not care. It was my story! But the lesson I would soon learn over time is that I should never give narcissists ammunition to repeat my stories anyway. They narrate the stories of their targets at whim and with the entitled expectation that the stories will become their own. I choose not to let that ever happen again. My voice is unchained!