Narcissists are constantly looking for ways to bring misery to the lives of their targets. They long to create victims to their methods of destruction. They do not care about their targets’ feelings, and they do not care about how much their targets hurt. In fact, the more misery narcissists cause their targets, the better they feel about themselves.
For narcissists, watching their targets in agony and pain provides them with a tremendous amount of narcissistic fuel. It seemingly gives them the vibrancy to keep going, and gives them pleasure. In all occasions of this need to fill the lives of their targets with misery, I have seen the narcissistic smirk of glee that cascades across their faces as their eyes light up with pleasing satisfaction when they accomplish bringing misery to their targets.
Taking It Back To Childhood
Perhaps I have wanted to give my dad grace and not peg him as a narcissist because he does not completely fit all the nine criteria of narcissistic personality disorder as my mother does, but he certainly displayed narcissistic traits for year – particularly during my childhood. I considered him to be a mean person with bipolar tendencies when he did not get enough sleep.
My dad worked swinging shifts for a long time during my elementary years, and everyone in the household was always happy when he was at work because when he was home, he seemed to feast on making life miserable for all of us. He was a complete nag, and nothing was ever good enough for him. If the proverbial sun was shining, he would find some way to rain on the parade and blot the sun out. It was as if he could not stand happiness. Succinctly, I always felt that he could not stand my happiness.
Among the many other stresses that I dealt with during my youth, I often felt that I was fighting a losing battle with my parents. I could not have friends over because both my parents would find ways to embarrass me in front of them. I am not even talking about silly things like teasing me about simple-minded childish things. I am talking about my parents literally shaming me for existing – telling my friends personal things about me that these friends did not need to know.
These shaming fests often occurred in front of my relatives particularly when relatives would say kind things about my successes. If I had a successful achievement at school, my dad [more so than my mother] would say something to knock me off the high horse and pull me down to size. I would end up feeling so low and not able to enjoy the pride of my accomplishments. Yet, he always hounded me about the need to perform at my best, but at it turns out, my best just was not good enough for him even if it were good enough for me and everyone else.
Needless to say, my dad made life miserable for me and everyone else. Yet, even as a child, I understood that he, himself, was a miserable person. Although he never expressed the reason, I felt that it had a lot to do with my mother. Still, I will not even use my mother as an excuse for his behavior though. Those were still the issues he needed to work out on his own. Instead of working them out, however, he projected a lot of his issues onto us. I often felt like I was the scapegoat. Unlike my siblings, I was the one who often called my parents behaviors out.
Although I was extremely introverted in nature, I did not have a problem calling out something clearly and directly. My blunt matter-of-factness often came off to an adult as arrogance, disrespect, and backtalking even when these were not my intention. I just always had the need to understand the reason behind the behavior, and this was an issue for both my parents. In fact, I often felt that both my parents despised me for being who I was even though my dad – especially – talked about the fact that he was a matter-of-fact type of person. Don’t children emulate their parents? I guess my parents missed the memo on that.
Needless to say, I experienced different forms and levels of misery at the hands of my parents because of whatever their issues. I suppose they did the best they could as parents with what they knew at the time. They were both dealing with their own issues to realize how much their issues affected my siblings and me. If I had to redo this period of my life, I would give a hard “no”. It was not a pleasant time for me. In fact, I had to distance myself from my family to find freedom from a life filled with misery.
Of course, I do not totally blame my parents. Now that I am an adult, I have the power to keep myself from being miserable when it comes to having to deal with my parents’ narcissistic abuses. I chose to move away from them to another state. I chose to limit my conversations with them via phone and stick to surface level topics and short text messages so as not to feel drained by them. Of course, those limits eventually led me to going no-contact because it is difficult for narcissistic types to respect boundaries.
There has been a high cost that I have had to pay to lead a life with less misery. If there is any misery now, I have to look at myself as being the creator. Since cutting out the narcissists and other toxic associates in my life, the misery I have felt is far less. Now, it is all about rebuilding myself and learning to make things right for me. There is also the need to keep check of anyone else that enters my life that raises a concern.
Narcissists thrive on creating misery for others because deep down they are void of the happiness that their targets have and wish were theirs to keep. Narcissists are ultimately miserable people. They hate the goodness and purity of life. They have to fake it. They seek to taint the views of others so that their misery has company. Yet, as for me, I no longer want to be a part of that circle of life. I no longer want to be miserable because someone else is attempting to control my happiness. I have lived in that dark cave for far too long. Plus, I have too many of my own personal problems to deal with on my own.
Narcissists are dark souls who thrive on destroying the very essences of their targets. They thrive on bringing misery to others whether overtly or covertly. One of their main goals is to take away the happiness and joy of others and replace it all with darkness and anguish. They are the ultimate life party poopers and truly want to destroy all the fun. They are happy themselves unless others are just as unhappy as they are no matter what the occasion. Since they tend not to change, a life of misery tends to be their lot. Try not to let it be yours too. You deserve so much more than misery.
My Voice Unchained 