Driven To Spiritual Desperation
Even upon studying about the Spirit of Jezebel, I found that there were only a very small percentage of spiritual leaders who would even touch dealing with this particular “demonic” entity. Sure, they would teach about it. They would even supposedly hint around to people they believed were inhabited or influenced by it. In extreme cases, they might even go as far as to supposedly cast it out of people. Yet, I never found anyone who could remotely provide me direct relief from it.
In desperation, I actually wrote a letter to a proclaimed leading expert on the Jezebel Spirit for help after I read a book on the topic. On a more personal level, I wanted to understand how to deal with this spirit. I was looking to piece together the spiritual with the psychological in hopes that this was an underlining issue to all things narcissistic. However, to my disappointment, the response I received to my letter left me less than enthusiastic about a positive outcome.
This leading expert all but blasted me for bothering her about it. She, in fact, blocked me from being able to ever contact her again after giving me sordid details about how this spirit had attacked her and wreaked havoc upon her life. She even had the nerve to insinuate that I was assisting this spirit in creating more attacks for her just by sending her an email to ask questions about its correlation to narcissism. All I wanted was help, but I was met with a lot of unanswered questions and invisible door slams. No one seemed to want to talk about this at all.
I was both shocked and hurt by what I felt was this leading expert’s rejection against me, but after studying this “spirit” more in-depth on my own, I realized that this expert had indeed come up against something that was a force to be reckoned with in both the spiritual and natural realms. I already knew I was treading upon dangerous territory, but it was not my first time doing so to find answers and get help, and it most definitely was not going to be my last time. I was more determined than ever to make sense of what was wrong with the narcissists in my life [and better yet, what was wrong with me].
Spiritual Understanding
Flatly, in the spiritual world, those said to be under the possession of this spirit of Jezebel are in fact narcissists who embody all of the secular characteristics of the traits discussed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders along with a lot more antisocial personality disorders. Yet, I have never heard any of this psychological information discussed in any church. Either everything is allocated to a demon or the both aspects of the psychological realm and the spiritual realm of information are ignored altogether.
Of course, this information is only going to make sense to those who have experienced the craziness of narcissists and get where I am coming from, and if you do not get it, may your spiritual eyes be opened if you choose to walk that path of understanding. For the most part, though, I just wanted help for myself. I needed relief in my personal life from these types of people. They were and are evil, and they were wreaking such destructive havoc upon my life that I often felt that I did not have the strength to completely recover from their attacks.
I felt that I was constantly fighting both a losing and invisible battle with forces that I did not understand. Of course, that was all a part of the gaslighting by narcissists too. So I was constantly going in circles looking to find relief. It never occurred to me that part of my battle in finding the help was that all of my attempts to get help were thwarted by people that I did not know were narcissists or empathizers of narcissists themselves.
Unfortunately, in the church world, narcissists run amuck in power. Many of them rule from the pulpits, and members of these narcissistically empowered churches are blind to what is going on or behave as flying monkeys would and grant supreme adulation and admiration. There is not true and lasting help in these congregations, and so many in need of help actually suffer more by being a part of these congregations. The true power of God is essentially quenched from operating at all, and is often replaced with a counterfeit spirit that holds members hostage to a religious form of godliness without any power to set anyone free.
Back when I was starting out in the church and impassioned for change, I did not completely associate narcissists with the spiritual aspects of any type of demonic spirit. Yet, even if these narcissistic people were not “spiritual”, they still all possessed the same troubling character traits, and I needed to find a way to help myself escape from their perpetual torment. Sadly, I was short on finding the help I needed in any church setting, and believe me, although I was a regular member for years at different congregations, I ventured into other denominations and other faiths as well. However, I walked away bereft of answers.
So what happened next? Keep reading to find out. Stay tuned for the next post.
My Voice Unchained 