Narcissists: Gods Unto Themselves
Narcissists do not want the help of a higher power unless they can use that higher power to make gains for themselves. In fact, narcissists in a spiritual setting are gods unto themselves. They want adulation, adoration, and worship. They lift themselves up within church settings, and they happily bask in all the narcissistic supply they receive from deceived church members. It is a wonder why these narcissists are more than happy to settle for pretending to be great and anointed church leaders because they can go heavily undetected by those who do not suspect anything sinister in the midst. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth, however.
From personal experience, I have found church to be the best place to meet sociopathic narcissists. These narcissists do not even have to be the pastor of the church. It could be anyone who is in a leadership roll or anyone who places themselves within the circles of someone in leadership. These narcissists swoop in on unsuspecting targets [members] and turn them into flying monkeys, blind followers, and enablers to their schemes. Narcissists always scheme to dominate others. Most often, they will come off as wounded individuals who just want to be loved when they really want to seek some type of revenge against someone who gave them a narcissistic injury.
These narcissists will form side groups of their own and make for themselves disciples who they can teach their own brand of religiosity. They insidiously form these groups to eventually overtake the main source within the church by creating division among the members. They whisper sweet nothings into the ears of their listeners in the attempts to tear down the true target they are going after. They are accusers of their brothers and sisters in the church body, but they are so sneaky about it that they are usually never found guilty of any wrongs.
Any side groups created by narcissists usually signify the beginning of the end for a lot of churches because these side groups go unchecked and unchallenged by any authority. These groups usually carry on behind the scenes but appear as any normal group of “friends” but with a hidden agenda. These groups are usually behind churches splitting, but the pastor and other leaders do not even see the split coming until it is too late because they are either too preoccupied by other church issues or drama or creating division within the church themselves.
The sad thing about it all is that these narcissists lead unsuspecting people who become tools in the narcissists hands to carry out untold destruction. These unsuspecting people can be anyone but are most often enablers, flying monkeys, church members with their grievances against others in the church, or simply deceived church members. These church members often have no idea that they are being used, but those that do know what is going on choose to follow these narcissists because they have been offended in some way and are easily persuaded to join the narcissists’ cause(s) [to seek revenge]. There is nothing at all Christ-like or godly about this type of behavior, but these people often reason that they are standing up for a godly cause nevertheless.
Suffering While In Church
All the while, the church body of members suffer as a whole from their associations with narcissists within the church. Many members get caught up within the drama these narcissists create and feel forced into taking sides. If members are not on the side of narcissists, then expect the creation of hell flames on the scene. There is nothing worse than narcissists’ scorned because no one knows when their most venomous wrath is going to occur. Some members even become jaded and eventually leave the church. Some members even leave their faith in God altogether. Still, others who are unaware of what is happening become casualties of a spiritual war they did not see happening until the damages from the war were too late to stop.
The narcissists destroy everything in their pathways. Then they sit back and watch as if they had no partaking in any of the divisiveness. In the process of all this chaos, I wondered where God was in all this, but I realized He would not partake of this messiness. Oftentimes, God was in the subtle warnings that I brushed off, the overwhelmingly strong urges I had to question everything, the contradictions I noted in scriptural references made by others that bothered me, or the simple fact that these destructive and toxic people had character traits that resembled what I was learning about the Jezebel Spirit.
I suffered a great deal at church, but I remained silent through it all. To talk about it somehow illustrated a sign of weakness … that I was not trusting God or that I had fallen into sin even though I was doing my very best. I often felt that I was being graded on my stance as a Christian, but I never seemed to measure up. Sometimes words were not even spoken to indicate narcissists’ displeasures. Rather, there would be stares of intimidation or sneers that would arouse shame from within. There was an unspoken language that was very understood in this type of environment, and I felt that I had no choice but to stand strong in the face of it. Yet, I never got help. If I was smiled upon, that was grace, but this had nothing at all to do with God.
Before long, I came to associate my time at church as if being a part of a cult. In narcissistically-empowered churches, one is not free to think, be themselves, or even show any true resemblance of joy. Rather, one needs to behave as if they are stoic, unfeeling, and uncaring. Only surface level needs are attended to for the purpose of show. Otherwise, any real problems or issues are dismissed leaving members to feel embarrassed or ashamed for having mentioned them. Even worse is that members’ issues become fodder for gossip and later used against them by narcissists for some type of personal gain or agenda.
My journey to healing was a long one. I assumed that there must have been a purpose. I surely learned a lot, and my help would be a long time coming. Stay tuned for the next post – Part 6.
My Voice Unchained 