***Trigger Warning – contains potentially distressing material pertaining to sexual assault
Precocious
Precocious can be defined as old beyond one’s years; ahead of one’s peers; advanced; mature; or having developed certain abilities or proclivities at an earlier age than usual (Oxford Languages, 2022).
For the record, I was a precocious child. I was born early, advanced through developmental milestones early, and even began stages of puberty early. There is the saying that the early bird catches the worm, and I did catch a lot of worms.
By the time I was six, I was already physically developing and frequently monitored for a menstrual cycle. My mother would constantly ask me if I had experienced a “visitor” yet, and I found myself agitated by the intrusiveness into my child-like mind. I was forced to periodically check my underwear for “red or brown stains” and give my mother a report. I did not know that this was not normal.
During a visit to the clinic, I once overheard the doctor tell my mother that I was rapidly developing and needed to be monitored for a menstrual cycle. I was a child. So, I did not know that there is actually such a thing as precocious puberty. I would not learn about this until I was involved in listening in on a conversation with a group of school girls at recess.
Apparently, one of the girls in the group happened to mention that she was molested and eventually raped by an adult relative who had been making comments about her developing body. Not long afterwards, the girl talked about having a “period”. She was the same age as me – seven years old, but according to her, her menstrual cycle was supposed to start anyway because her mother had been expecting it because of what the doctor had told her.
Strangely, I developed a fascination with this girl, and we became friends for a brief time before she was unenrolled from the school because her family moved to another place. I felt in some weird way that the girl and me shared a connection. In my mind, we shared similar precocious experiences. Both of us had what was termed as precocious puberty – when a child’s body begins puberty before the age of eight.
Although many women in my community claimed that precocious puberty was a result of sexual abuse or a girl being hot in the pants, medically, there is no known cause of this condition. This condition is rare, but I always found it interesting that I would come into contact with a girl who was experiencing this condition at pretty much the same time I experienced it. Yet, the condition is said to happen in 1 child out of 200,000.
Interestingly, my aunt and her friends thought this [precocious puberty] may have been the reason for the sexual assault against me. They suggested that the boys had followed me from the school because they probably thought that I was a much older girl because the shape of my body mirrored that of a much older girl – a teenager. It would seem by their suggestion that my body was at fault for the sexual assault.
When I think back to this time frame, I always felt awkward because things about my physical form were always being commented upon. I even remember a day at the pool during summer camp that left me embarrassed and desperately wanting to cover up from shame. I was learning how to swim and came out of the pool to find that people could completely see through the swim suit I wore.
I only realized that I was visible when a girl screamed that she could see through my bathing top. I looked down in embarrassment and quickly covered myself with my hands and hurriedly ran out of the pool. I had to immediately wrap myself up in a towel and quickly leave to escape all the stares. I will never forget the silence of so many people. I ended up being followed by an older crowd of girls who asked me an onslaught of intrusive questions.
I would not doubt that the attackers followed me for their own sinister purposes, but that was no excuse for sexual assault. That was no excuse to bully me into submission for the purpose of causing me pain. That was no reason to ruin my view of life and cause me untold trauma for years. The ignorance over such ridiculous claims about a person’s body as a result of a condition is inexcusable. I wish people in general were more educated on such matters.
Looking back, I think about the looks my mother, grandmother, and aunt often gave me because of my precocious body as if that was some reason that a sexual attack was provoked into happening against me. In some way, it was insinuated that I was to blame for it all happening had I not been walking a certain way or looking a certain way or even wearing the clothing that I wore that day. I was a child! I was not even 10 yet!
For years, I internalized their comments, and I carried around a lot of shame. Now, however, I know the truth. I did my research. Having a condition should not make me any more susceptible to violence against me than not having a condition. It always angered me that the very people who perpetuated the nonsense that my body was somehow at fault for an attack against me by others were people that I wanted to believe should have known better.
Unfortunately, people do not always know better especially if they hold onto traditions and beliefs that do not always make them aware of the truth. Plus, I do not think a lot was known about precocious puberty at the time. One either developed early, at the right time, or late. I just happened to develop early for a lot of things, but that does not mean that I should have been violated for it. That does not mean that anyone should be.
Stay tuned for more posts.
My Voice Unchained 