***Trigger Warning – mentions grooming as it pertains to sexual abuse of a child/teenager
Breaking Free From A Predator
The next class for martial arts was quite different than all the other classes before it, and after the last class, no class would ever be the same afterwards. On the day of the next class, the Master Sensai, the instructor, was not there. Instead, his son, who was a nine year old, led a class of mixed ages in martial arts routines.
There was no question that the son knew what he was doing. He had been trained by his father, the instructor, quite well. So, nobody questioned the leadership, and no one seemed to question the absence of the instructor. I, however, was curious, and although the instructor’s youngest sister had not spoken to me in months, I turned to her to ask her the whereabouts of her brother.
For a moment, she simply glared at me, and then with an attitude she said, “It looks like he’s not here.” I did not respond, but clearly she was angry and more than likely still resentful of me over a triangulated mess that her brother had created to keep me under control and turn those closest to him against me. Yet, instead of reacting to her bad attitude, I simply turned away from her. For whatever reason, though, she turned to my sister and carried on a conversation with her as if I did not even exist.
Needless to say, there was no information about the instructor, but based on the sister’s reaction to me, I wondered if his absence had anything to do with the police presence from the last class. When my siblings and I returned home, we told our parents that the instructor was not present and that his nine year old son was leading the class. My father looked at my mother, but neither of them said anything to us. It was not until dinner that my father casually mentioned in conversation with my mother that the instructor had been arrested by the police.
The Instructor Was Charged
The instructor had been arrested and charged with possession and intent to sell drugs. He had apparently been under police surveillance for a while. His activities had been watched. When my father said this, I had to wonder what types of other activities did the police know about. I had never before, until the last class session, seen police around the vicinity of the studio. So, I gathered that police were oblivious to any of his activities against me. Yet, hearing he had been arrested gave me reason to celebrate inwardly, but I wondered how long he would be in jail.
During the next class, the news had already spread, and concerned students – specifically adult students – wanted to know who would be teaching them martial arts. They did not necessarily want to pay money for a nine year old to lead them. Because the news was out about the instructor’s arrest and the details of the arrest, there was speculation by some of the adults that the instructor would be spending some time in prison … that he might not ever get out. Inwardly, I was hoping this was the case. I needed to have assurance that this predator was not going anywhere because I desperately wanted to be left alone.
Yet, by the time of the third class, the instructor had been released on bond. When I arrived to class and saw him standing and greeting everyone, I was shocked and very disappointed. My heart literally dropped, and the inward celebration I held within me became a darkened memory. However, the instructor’s demeanor was totally different. Instead of his normal cocky stance, he appeared somber and penitent. If what many said was true, then the instructor stood to have a lengthy prison sentence for his drug case … potentially seven to 20 years. I reasoned that he was only somber and remorseful acting because he sought the pity of the group. I had nothing for him.
Needless to say, he stood before the class and gave a grand speech about the dedication of the class and the fact that he may have to end his time as Master Sensei. The older woman and a few others reacted with astonishment and even tears. There were gasps and all sorts of horrible sounds. There was no question that the instructor was highly revered by everyone, but I was an anomaly in the situation. I did not revere him at all. He was a slimy predator – a creep, and if he had not been stopped by this drug charge, then he would have violated me in the worst way. He was not sorry for his actions. He was just sorry and embarrassed that his double life was exposed to everyone.
Yet, everyone in the class was standing in sorrow for him. I could not get over it. I wondered had he watered down his charges. I wondered how he pled, but I did not know. It seemed strange that even the older woman and some of the adults were not questioning the man’s life style choices. Of course, it is not fair to judge someone of their life choices, but what I knew of this man spoke volumes of his true character. The drugs were just a hidden life that had now surfaced, but there had to have been other things that were not known too … like what he had been doing to me.
When he spoke to the class in general, he gave me eye contact several times, but I avoided his gaze. I had no sympathy for the man. Although I felt that it was a terrible situation for him, it was hard for me to feel sorry for someone who had purposely gone after my siblings to get back at me. He had no mercy for anyone but himself. So when his eyes locked with mine, I hoped that he was a good reader because my eyes gave a full sentence that said, “I don’t care about what happens to you. Good riddance!”
The Upheaval
There were a few more classes after the instructor gave his speech, but he suddenly disappeared, and he never returned. I believe that he was arrested and served his remaining time before his trial in a detention center, but I was not particularly sure since no one really talked about him. Because the instructor was no longer there, he tasked one of his good friends, also a martial arts instructor, of finishing out the last few weeks of classes with the students.
Brewing within me, however, was an upheaval to air the truth. I could no longer hold on to the secret I was keeping. The words of the older woman kept dancing around in my mind about finding a relative of the instructor that I could share the truth about his deeds with for the purpose of making him accountable. I took the moment during one of the sessions when it had appeared that the instructor’s youngest sister was no longer my enemy.
During the remaining sessions, I suppose the instructor’s son and sister needed all the support they could get. So it was no surprise to me when the instructor’s sister began talking to me as a friend again. Although I did not trust her, I realized that she was the only suitable family member of the instructor that I may ever be around again. So I took my chances, after rehearsing over and over what I would say to her, I spilled my secret in a way that was unforgettable.
For the purpose of getting to the point, I immediately brought up her brother and the charges that he was arrested for to lead into what I wanted to say to his sister. She listened intently, but interrupted me to say that he was innocent until proven guilty. “But he was caught by police. So how is he innocent?” I asked her inquisitively. She seemed stunned that I did not believe he was innocent, and then she asked me the reason I did not believe he was innocent.
Me: He’s not innocent because he was caught with drugs, and he was caught trying to sell them. If the police already suspected him and then set up a sting operation to catch him, and they did actually catch him, then he’s not innocent. AND if he does those kinds of things, like selling drugs, then he could probably be doing other things that you don’t know about too.
The sister stared at me. She was silent. So I continued.
Me: I just wish that you could tell him something for me or tell your mother.
The sister: What? Tell him what? Tell my mother what?
Me: Could you tell your brother to leave me alone? I told him, but he wouldn’t stop.
The sister: Huh? What do you mean?
Me: Your brother has been touching me and doing things to me that he shouldn’t be doing … things that I did not want him to do. So if he gets out and comes back, I want him to leave me alone. Could you tell him that or could you tell your mother to tell him?
Before any micro-expression appeared on the sister’s face, I felt the atmosphere change suddenly. I knew that I could never take back what I had said. My secret was out, and I had evidently told the wrong person. I could instantly tell by her growing facial expression of anger that my plan to expose the truth had seemingly backfired. An upheaval was on the horizon.
The sister: You’re a liar! Why are you lying? I know my brother never touched you. He told me about you … that you have problems, and I needed to watch you and be careful around you. Now that he’s not here, you now want to lie on him. I’m gonna tell my mother. Take back what you said!
Me: I’m not lying.
The sister moved to get up and move away from me. She was visibly angry. “I can’t wait to tell my mother on you.”
Me: Tell her. She needs to know that her son is a very bad person.
The sister: Shut up! Just shut up, you liar!
The upheaval was just beginning, but I had freely spoken the truth. Although I felt a relief, I also felt sudden fear. The secret was no longer a secret, and I knew I needed to brace myself for sudden impact. Yet, in that moment, all that I cared about was that I had broken free from a predator.
Stay tuned for the next post.
My Voice Unchained 