Finding The Right People To Love Me
Throughout my life, I have often wondered if I am just an unlovable person. Love has just been too hard for me. No matter how much I give of myself, I am often met with disdain, contempt, and hatred. Although this has not been the case with everyone I have encountered, it has been the case with familial relationships and supposed close friendships.
The love itself has not been the hard part in my case. I seem to love without much effort, and I always give my entire being. Instead, it is actually the effects of loving others that makes love downright difficult.
For the most part, I have spent far too much time in a cycle of being devalued and discarded by people that were supposed to love me and by people that did not have to love me but claimed that they did. I suppose that love was meant to allude me. I also figured that not being truly loved was my chosen lot in this life.
In all my years, I have rarely found the right people to love me, and it does not even seem that the right people were even my parents either. The right people have been few and far between – giving me just enough fuel to know that I can keep moving forward. To those people, I am grateful.
I guess not being loved by many people means that I do not require a lot of validation even though I want to be loved for me. I do not really know. Maybe my expectations for being loved are too high. I want the love that I give, and I am hard at learning that not everyone loves the way I do, and not everyone gives what I give.
I love a lot, and I love strongly, but in many ways, this has proven toxic for me. I love the wrong people with my people-pleasing ways. I want someone to love me like I do, and I am finding that is the problem. That is my problem, and I am working on being a better me, establishing better boundaries, and not necessarily finding the right people to love me. Instead, I am working on loving me better so I will discern who the right people are when people come into my life.
See the next post for part two.
My Voice Unchained 