What Is Love?
When ever I think about the question, What is love? A 90s song pops up in my head, and I am inclined to sing along. What is love? Baby don’t hurt me … don’t hurt me no more. And so it goes … but love should not hurt. In fact, I should not even be asking that no one hurts me especially if they love me, but some hurts cannot be escaped in certain capacities. After all, we are all human, and we will hurt others even without intention.
Yet, I ask myself all the time what love is, and I am always quickly reminded of 1 Corinthians 13 4-8. Then I think about the experiences I have had with actual narcissists and affiliates of narcissists. I am reminded of what love is not and what love is to me.
To me, love means giving of myself. Love means knowing for certain that I gave my all. Love means being patient and kind. Love means never keeping a record of wrongs or holding those wrongs against the ones I love. Love means never using secrets that someone has told me as weapons against them.
Love means never being arrogant or rude to others even if on some small scale they deserve arrogance and rudeness for all their behavior against me in return. Love means not being irritable or resentful even when narcissists make this extremely hard not to be. Love means never projecting myself back onto them even when that is all they do to me.
Love means never trying to get my own way but instead giving way for the other person. Love means considering someone else above me and never bragging or boasting against them. Love means being happy for others even when I feel incredibly sad and unhappy. Love means powering through my struggles to stand and rejoice with others. Love means never being envious or jealous but remembering what is for them is for them and what is for me is for me.
Love means a lot, but unfortunately it means very little or nothing at all to narcissists. I have learned that I can love them through absolutely nothing. Love does not even make a difference to them. No matter how much love I have to give to narcissistic personalities, I can never love them enough. They deny my love, and they deny me love in return. It is impossible for them to grasp love since they do not even know the meaning of love.
So finding the right people to love me will not come from anyone who is incapable of reflecting love back to me. It will come from one who understands love, respects love, and gives love. It will come from a place of the person having the capacity for love … at least I can hope.
My Voice Unchained 