Love: In Reflection
Although I have not always loved people perfectly or purely … and still do not, I have tried my best. I have even tried to better myself through therapy. I have worked hard to change. I have done a lot of work to grow and release and replace the negative narcissistic traits that I have displayed with others too.
I have worked hard not to project “me” and my stuff onto others. I am not sure how good of a job I have done though since it has seemingly sufficed me nothing in the end, but I have tried hard not to be the type of person that narcissists have been to me. Despite me growing up around narcissists and being reared by them, I have desperately tried to walk a different path.
Even though I know that I cannot expect to give love to receive it, I learned very early in my life that it actually does not work that way when love is based on conditions. Because of these conditions, I always gave love only to turn into a people pleaser – never quite learning to establish the boundaries I needed to protect myself.
I found myself entangled within narcissistically damaging relationships and interactions with so many toxic personalities. Not all of these personalities were narcissists, but a lot of them were narcissists. I continued this cycle for so long, I could not help but wonder if something was wrong with me. I could not help but wonder if I was damaged and just as worthless as these personalities felt about themselves.
How foolish on my part to willingly give my love to them because they were the wrong people, but I know now. I do know now.
My Voice Unchained 