The Ways Of Narcissists
In the previous post, I discussed two examples of monitoring that narcissists take on when they want to keep track of their targets. In this post, I will continue with an example of monitoring from a previous workplace.
The Workplace
Narcissists frequently monitor their targets at work. They do not do this alone either. They will use a network of flying monkeys and enablers to keep track of their targets all the time. For a long time, I never suspected this was happening to me even though I had seen this type of monitoring happening to others. I never realized that there was such a need for these people to mind the business of others if I had not experienced it myself.
In my case, I was heavily monitored by a group of colleagues I worked closely with each day. It is interesting that some of us live within the same community … something that seemingly happened by chance but also because we were around each other a lot. From the time a woman I call The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist came on the scene, she monitored me like a hawk. She just seemed to appear out of nowhere, but I do recall the day the main supervisor hired her. He actually introduced her to me and had her shadow my work.
I assume it was from shadowing my work that The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist targeted me under the guise of first mentorship and then friendship. In the beginning, I was none the wiser, and for a long time, I never figured out that she was capable of such formidable and vicious attacks of bullying until I began discerning an aggression of hatred she had against me underneath her visibly friendly looking mask.
After establishing a so-called friendship with me through close connections, lunches, dinners, and friendly conversations, The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist launched and navigated a vicious attack against me with the help of her flying monkeys which included a supervisor. Despite me discerning that something was off about her from the start, to this day, I am still unsure of her strong hatred and volatile attacks against me, but I do have a theory that makes so much sense to me. In fact, it is not really a theory at all and is more the proof of evidence I have based on my observations as well as the events that unfolded before me.
During a two-day absence I took from work, The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist signed me up for a voluntary task at work without my permission. There were witnesses to this fact during a group meeting, but no one stopped her in her tracks. Because she often behaved as a mouthpiece for others, I assume she did this for me as well and the colleagues simply accepted it. Yet, to her and everyone else’s surprise, I returned to work and refused to commit to the task. I refused because I had not been given an opportunity to even volunteer. I had been signed up without my permission.
The task itself was not the issue, but the way the task was thrust upon me without my own will in the matter was an issue. My refusal to commit caused a huge problem with supervisors because of the changes that would need to occur to the rotation of the schedule. The schedule had already been crafted during my absence. If I did not commit, then I was the reason for the schedule needing to be redone. I did not care, however. I felt and was justified in my refusal. There had been no communication with me prior to my arrival back to work about any of this by anyone. It was clear that I was walking into a trap.
As much as the supervisors and the main boss tried to coerce me for the good of the staff, I still refused to commit to the task. No one was accepting accountability for the clearly forged signature in my name. The boss wanted me to prove that I had not signed it even though I was absent during the meeting and the signing of the forms. Despite the fact that I had documentation of my two-day absence when the meeting for the task sign-ups would have been initiated, the boss wanted me to simply give in, but despite his wish, any coercion on his part or the part of the supervisors was a mute point. I refused to budge under any pressure.
I was not at work to know about the meeting and had not received any information in my absence about it. A simple email or phone call would have sufficed to simply ask me if I wanted to volunteer. Despite the fact that The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist was my friend, she had not discussed any of the information with me, and neither had her flying monkeys. Instead, they all allowed me to return to work to a situation that felt nothing less than an ambush. I found it odd that they were all quiet and unsupportive even though they would have been vocally just as upset as me.
In addition, I was only carbon copied on an email an hour before my commitment to the task was to begin. So imagine my shock and anger when I saw an email assigning me to a task that I had not even volunteered for in the first place (because I did not have a clue about it in my absence). I realized that the carbon copied email had to have been a way for the group to save themselves because there were no timestamps of earlier “sends”. So, even the email was enough documentation to prove I had no knowledge of what had occurred in my absence.
To make an incredibly long story shorter, I only agreed to the task after negotiating pay for additional work. Although this infuriated my colleagues who had committed to the task for free, I did not care. it was my best resolution to the issue. Besides, I was being infringed upon at the last minute with very little time to prepare. So I negotiated pay, and that negotiation was accepted rather than the supervisors revamping a rewrite to the schedule.
Shortly after, I found out that most of my colleagues who had been present for the meeting knew the truth. This fact was later revealed to me by an enabler who did not want to be a flying monkey to The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist. The enabler told me in confidence that I had been willfully volunteered for the task by someone in the group even though that someone else’s name was never mentioned to me. Yet, I knew it was The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist because she always controlled and attempted to speak for different members in the group.
The enabler also told me that The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist was furious that I had not simply made it easier for everyone by just quietly submitting to the task. My unwillingness to submit was said to be my need to cause drama, and I found that quite unfortunate to hear even though I was standing up for myself. Although the enabler told me that she did not blame me for not going along with it, she was adamant that I not share what she had told me. I would be later reminded of this conversation with the enabler as confirmation that The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist had been responsible for orchestrating a horrendous narcissistic attack against me.
Not long after this drama, narcissistic attacks came at me as if someone was blasting me with fireworks. The attacks were like lightening speed and so relentless against me that I felt driven to a nervous breakdown. The gaslighting by The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist and her flying monkeys was incredibly cruel even if subtle. I would never have been able to prove on the surface that they were attacking me. This is one reason I felt I was going crazy.
For a long time I did not even know what was happening because the plan of attack was so carefully orchestrated against me. Even one of the supervisors that I respected a great deal became a part of the attacks. I was devastated and deeply hurt. Nonetheless, the attacks eventually came to a climax on a day that seemed strangely weird in the spiritual realm. Things happened in such slow motion on this day that when I have looked back, I remember being highly aware that I was being monitored by everyone a part of the group responsible for the attacks against me.
In fact, they were all around me in key places watching and waiting for what was about to occur. They knew what I would later only succumb to … and that was a severe allergic reaction to something one of them had placed in my lunch … a meal that I ate once a week without issue. They had been monitoring my every move. Looking back, I had left my food unattended as I had always done when I placed it in the microwave to heat. I was too comfortable and trusting. I was not truly aware of my surroundings. I did not monitor enough.
The same people were always around waiting to heat up their food too – The Professional Gaslighting Narcissists and her main flying monkey. On that particular day, they both sat on the opposite side of the eating area that we often shared together. I remember seeing them in my peripheral view watching me. The supervisor was present too and was watching with them. So they saw me when I coughed, when I could not catch my breath, when I got up to get water, when I went to the restroom, and then when I returned to dump the food I had only taken exactly two bites from to see me leave the area to go to another part of the building feigning off an allergic reaction. They watched it all.
Then another flying monkey just happened to be in the spot where I requested help because I felt my air supply being cut off. As I fought for air, this particular flying monkey actually stood in front of me showing very little concern. He gaslighted me into the fact that I was exaggerating quite a bit when I could not even breathe. He only slowly walked to the phone and called for help because two clients saw me in distress and attempted to get help for me. As I waited, I collapsed to the floor, but instead of helping me, the flying monkey stepped over me and left me waiting for help. There was not an ounce of empathy from him. Just before the staff nurse arrived to help me, I felt myself go into such shock from the event that I could not even be stunned by the flying monkey’s behavior.
To the surprise of all my colleagues, I was wheeled out of the building by paramedics. I heard one of them say that he hoped that I would not die. Although I felt calm, I was dissociated and found myself floating outside of myself. I took immediate note of the people around me. The main flying monkey and the supervisor were by my side. I had not seen them before. The looks on both their faces expressed utter fear. At the time, I assumed they were deeply concerned about me, but I later realized their concerns were for themselves.
The supervisor seemed especially terrified, but he rode along with me to the hospital. He was kinder to me than he had been in a long time. He seemed remorseful but I could not take my glance away from his eyes. His eyes showed extreme terror and fright mixed with a guilt that I did not comprehend. I even attempted to console him … letting him know that I would be okay. However, intuitively I knew the truth, but I was too dissociated to feel a thing or to completely process it all.
When the doctor commented that maybe I had been poisoned, my eyes settled on the face of the supervisor again, and it was then that I consciously knew The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist was the main culprit. She and the flying monkeys (including the supervisor that sat by my side) had planned my demise. I realized that he was only with me to monitor my situation and relay messages back The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist.
After this nerve-wracking fiasco, I realized The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist was nowhere … absolutely nowhere. I only saw her flying monkeys while she remained hidden somewhere. She never even called me after I was released from the hospital either, and this had always bothered me. After the realization that I could have died came to light, the flying monkeys were nothing but performing angels at my service, but The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist was nowhere to be found. Although I have no evidence that bears the burden of proof against The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist as the instigator to my impending demise, I have my knowing, and that is all I need.
After that situation, there were continuous questions by colleagues about what happened to me. Many commented on how odd it was for me to be allergic to something I ate regularly. Some suggested that I had perhaps eaten spoiled food. I knew this was not the case. I had only eaten two bites before having a coughing fit. The reaction was immediate. Nonetheless, there were so many questions, but whenever The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist was around me with her flying monkeys, she would easily fill in the blanks with her thoughts. It all seemed weird to me.
Over time, though, I took note of how the supervisor quietly and slowly disbanded himself from the The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist and her group of flying monkeys. I literally saw it happening right before my eyes as if to be in some realm beyond the physical. The supervisor moved out of the department we had all worked in together and eventually relocated to another place altogether. I found it strange that he specifically distanced himself from me over that time as well speaking to me less and less until he never spoke to me again. I was not only baffled by his reaction, I was saddened by his reaction.
Yet, in those later moments with those colleagues, I was partially oblivious. I did not want to believe what my heart could not accept. I perceived those colleagues to be my friends only to realize that that was not the case. It was only after I had been promoted to a different position did I come to fully know and accept the truth. Those people literally attempted to monitor me into death, and they only reacted as if they might have been caught. If only I had kept the food or the container to be tested as the doctor had wished for, then there might have been some accountability. Now, of course, there is no way for me to ever know the truth based on evidence. I just know the truth based on my intuition.
In the end, the promotion allowed me less time around The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist and her flying monkeys, and I was more than grateful for that. I had a chance to spread my wings without the emotional distress even though I experience more narcissistic craziness on a different level. Eventually, though, I left the job and cut the narcissistic ties all out of my life. Even after I left, some form of monitoring by The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist continued against me in the subtle form of stalking my neighborhood surroundings, but I try to keep myself hidden away from her.
Despite the fact that The Professional Gaslighting Narcissist and I live within the same community area, I make it a point to simply live my life at a distance from her. She is a dangerous psychopathic narcissist who loves to monitor her targets. When she cannot get her way with targets through control and manipulation, she craftily plans destruction against them. Too bad I considered her a friend, but I am thankful that I acted on her ability at being my enemy. I am glad I cut her off, but I await the day when someone else discovers the truth about her and is able to expose her too, but I hope that discovery does not cost a life.
My Voice Unchained 