A Little Birdie

A Little Birdie

I was just a little birdie among a flock of birds … hundreds, thousands, and even millions of birds. I found my niche on a page, and once I set up a nest from which to perch, I knew my platform would be tailored to my life experiences with narcissists and narcissistic abuse.

I had originally only joined Twitter to share my blog posts and learn from others, but things didn’t go according to my original plans. At the time, I was on the cusp of ending three so-called friendships with three different narcissists – all with varying degrees of malignancy. All three were covert in nature, and all three maintained a façade wrapped within evil intent.

That was just two years ago around this time, and it was within the exact same time frame that I began this blog and an Instagram page specifically for the purpose of pushing my blog content. All I wanted to do was blog. I felt that it was my purpose to just simply write, but those plans surely changed in a way that I didn’t anticipate.

At one point, I considered giving YouTube and TikTok a shot, but my social anxiety and mutism got in the way. It was best for me to simply blog from a place of security, sitting behind my computer screen. Here, I have peace and I have a sense of privacy. All that is needed is my metaphorical voice that speaks words through the screen.

I’ve seen posts that hinted around to people like me, who hide behind a screen, not even using their real face to show. But I am survivor of abuse, assaults, stalking, and bullying. Hiding my my identity is paramount to keeping myself safe. I admire others who bravely face their abusers and shine a light of themselves without such fears. I have not come to that place yet.

I remember one person making it clear in their stance that I must be fake. There’s simply no use in explaining myself to people like that when their minds are already made up. What should speak to my credibility is my voice and my spirit. It alone shows whether I have light or darkness.

That is when I realize, though, that people either don’t really think about the ramifications that some victims and survivors have faced that would push them into anonymity or they simply do not care because they want victims and survivors to show their faces so they have someone to see.

I really do not know, but I opted for anonymity to protect myself as well as to protect the people associated with me. Despite my life being my story, my life has also been heavily intertwined with the lives of others who may not want to be revealed in such a connected way to my life experiences of trauma and abuse.

In this age and time of social media, those types of connections to people can have damaging ramifications. In no way do I want to cause pain or embarrassment to others, and I’m not talking about abusers. I’m talking about those who still have lives with abusers. This doesn’t mean I care about the abusers who were against me, but this does mean I care about the innocent people in the abusers’ lives who don’t need to be affected by what abusers did to me.

Maybe that’s an excuse, but that’s what I’m sticking with. That’s the right thing for me to do whether anyone agrees with me. I believe in a God of justice who deals out vengeance on my behalf, and those abusers will reap what they sow. I have been allowed in many circumstances to see retribution on my behalf.

I’m just a little birdie, but I’ve got a story to tell. Please come back for the next post.