Touchy Topics
Mainly, anger seemed to erupt with followers of my Twitter page when I shared any posts regarding narcissistic families as it related to narcissistic parents and the family dynamics and narcissistic leaders within religious organizations. In fact, I treaded lightly with these topics for a while because of the venom that would spew out of people against me over not only the information I presented regarding facts, but also the information I presented regarding my personal experiences.
Any time that I felt somewhat attacked, I would click to be notified about a person’s tweets. Most of the time, these people were brewing to attack me with comments, but they would first passive aggressively attack me via subtweets on their platform. When I’d see comments that didn’t necessarily tag me, but called me out by name, I’d screenshot the comment. There wasn’t anything I could do about what someone said about me on their platform. So I would just wait, watch, and wisely guard my interactions with them.
Once I continued posting, the more angered these types of followers would become with what I posted on my platform. Some of them would eventually explode and blast me underneath something I tweeted, and they’d be so far off base from my original post that I knew they’d been waiting for a long time to tweet what they finally said to me. Most often, their tweet responses would seem to come out of nowhere, and I always felt caught off guard, regardless.
The odd thing about this is that I always discerned these types of people from the start … that they were off with what they posted to things that I tweeted, but I could never specifically put my finger on the reason I felt the way I did and what was particularly off. I just knew to keep my eyes on them. It never failed me that I saw them for exactly who they were – narcissist defenders and enablers, narcissists themselves, or people so embittered by what narcissists had done to them that they believed that I should be just as embittered too.
Nonetheless, I continued to post. I didn’t want to get bogged down into calling them out. In fact, it was easier for them to call attention to their own behavior without me doing anything. Usually, people reading their comments would either support them or stand against them. Either way, I chose to continue doing my thing. It really was not my problem that they had issues with my information or life story; it was more their problem. Eventually, though, I blocked these types of people because of the trouble they caused me and others.
Only two people I didn’t block ever because I saw pain in their posts. Eventually, those two people came around – not necessarily to me but to the idea that what I explained was definitely something they knew from experience and could relate to because it happened to them. They actually began sharing my posts with others, and this was fine even if they weren’t specifically replying to me. They were at least responding and engaging with somebody and getting their feelings out.
Occasionally, I’d see passive aggressive comments that I new were regarding something I had posted, and it made me ponder why these people continued to follow me, but I had to learn to view their reactions and responses as their stuff and not mine. There was always so much. At times, I was overwhelmed by emotions, and it became hard for me to even want to keep my platform going. So many times, I wanted to give up because people could be so intentionally maligning and cruel.
So Much Stuff
Asking questions without an emoji to show I meant no harm was one of the first things I learned on Twitter because people would literally claim I was gaslighting them. Like, what? I was just trying to understand.
Or I could often sense an emotion jumping right at me off the screen, and I knew what I was feeling, and it wasn’t an emotion I already had with me. It would be a person’s response to me coming at me with strong emotions of anger and hate. If I stated what I meant by something, then my head would be chewed off. If I didn’t respond back, the person always deleted their comment. It was them.
Then there’s the way that I often worded things. In my mind, I know what I mean, but I have to remember that just because I know what I mean doesn’t mean that anyone else does. I had to learn the ways and language of the people on Twitter in order to fit in.
I’m grateful to those followers who were patient with me. They stuck around and found that I had somewhat improved in the way I tried to explain myself because I really did try. I worked hard at it. A few people even DM’ed me to let me know to keep up the good work, and one person even believed that reaching people via social media might very well have been my calling at the time.
Maybe that was the case at the time, but even I had my doubts. Social media is not for the weak, and although I don’t believe myself to be weak in the slightest, I am very exhausted because of dealing with opposing forces on social media. It is very draining and takes an emotional toll, and I totally empathize with others who deal with this type of destructive behavior from others online daily. It’s hard stuff. It’s so much stuff.
Connecting Through Topics
Yet, I connected with several people regarding the topics of narcissists, narcissistic abuse, and other topics. So many followers had such phenomenal information and experiences. I gained so much in knowledge, and I filed a lot of information away. I learned new terms and new ways of dealing. Had I not encountered all the different people that I have, I doubt I would have this feeling of expansion.
I feel that Twitter was useful for me for the time that I had a platform there, and I’m grateful for it. I connected with various people and learned things I’d never thought about. Of course, there was a lot regarding politics, but had I allowed myself to choose sides, I would have missed out on getting to know some dear followers and people.
There were so many accounts I followed on the topic of narcissistic abuse – both large and small accounts. I was amazed by the vast amounts of knowledge I gained that I didn’t know about narcissists, but I was equally stoked about how much I had experienced that others had experienced as well. It was nice to know that I wasn’t alone and that there were others who understood me.
I was happy to connect with several people, and I found that I had many accounts that I enjoyed following. I tried to interact with as many people as I could. Sometimes that could be difficult when I began to gain more followers, but I tried to interact with as many followers as I could. I became more aware that there are people all over the world in the various contents of different spoken languages who understand that a narcissist is the same no matter where one goes.
I was equally excited about learning more about autism, selective mutism and other interesting topics. I connected with so many people without ever necessarily sharing myself with those people, but at the same time it was a great feeling to be known just for my voice. I was happy to share and happy to exchange information from on survivor of abuse to another. I was happy to learn about the stories of others, and most of the stories were so powerful and poignant that I prayed a lot for various people and their situations particularly when there was nothing I could physically do to help them.
I have no doubt the pages I followed will continue to climb and soar and spread valuable information. I also know that many of those accounts will focus on the touchy topics that people want to talk about. Although I am doubtful at this time that I will return to the Twitter platform, I did enjoy it while it lasted, but the end did have to come, and there was a moment when I just knew it was over. Find out how I knew and what happened in the very next post.
My Voice Unchained 