This is part 3.
Recognizing when a narcissist or toxic person is trying to rush you into making a hasty decision is crucial for protecting yourself from potential manipulation or exploitation. Here are some additional signs to watch out for:
- Discounting Doubts: They dismiss or belittle any doubts or concerns you express about the decision, making you feel as if your reservations are unwarranted.
- A therapist I worked with often attempted to make me doubt my decisions on things I was firm about, especially as those decisions related to situations with narcissists. I always found this odd. I’d leave this therapist’s office torn about a decision that I was previously firm about because this therapist would often claim I needed to rethink giving a narcissist another chance.
- In the grand scheme of things when it comes to some therapists, harmony in relationships is often looked upon as a successful venture. I don’t necessarily agree when it comes to dealing with toxic personality types. There is never true and lasting harmony within these relationships. So, for that therapist to belittle and dismiss my concerns about continuing in a toxic situation was not something that a therapist should ever do to their client, in my opinion.
- Eventually, I saw my way out of that client-therapist relationship after realizing its proclivity for toxicity and drama.
- Gaslighting: They may manipulate your perception of reality, making you doubt your judgment or instincts, and convincing you that their way is the only right choice.
- A narcissist will constantly attempt to erode your confidence in your decisions by gaslighting you. They want you to doubt yourself. They want to convince you that your decision-making skills are not sound, especially compared to their decision-making skills.
- A narcissist will tell you that even your best decisions are horrible decisions even when they, themselves, know you are not wrong. They don’t care that you agonize over making decisions or if you have peace about them. All they care about is that your decisions work to their benefit.
- Avoiding Discussion of Alternatives: They discourage discussions about other options or solutions, insisting that their preferred course of action is the only viable one.
- A narcissist believes their decision is the only right one. They also tend to believe that their decision is the only option. They prefer not discussing anything else outside of the realm of what they want. Forget what you want or even what you need. They will avoid talking to you about other alternatives to what they want for you at all costs.
- Personal Attacks: If you express hesitation or resistance, they may resort to personal attacks, belittling your intelligence or capabilities to undermine your confidence.
- “You’ll be sorry when that doesn’t work out” or “Don’t say I didn’t tell you so”. to both of these responses I’d say with confidence, “I won’t.” In fact, I most certainly wasn’t sorry for any decisions I ever made for myself even if they didn’t work out in my favor. At least I made them. They were my decisions.
- If I didn’t make the decision that a narcissist wanted, I was always attacked on a personal level. A narcissist would call me names, hint around to things about me in a subliminal way, begin a smear campaign against me (which was usually always in the works anyway), or badmouth me to others right in front of me because I didn’t do what they wanted to do (as a way to shame me).
- Unwillingness to Allow Time: They are resistant to giving you adequate time to think about the decision or seek advice from others.
- A narcissist wants you to make a decision on the spot. They don’t care about your thought processes. They don’t care about giving you time. They don’t care about second opinions when their is opinion is all that matters. All they care about is themselves.
- Changing the Subject: When you try to discuss the decision further, they divert the conversation or change the subject to avoid addressing your concerns.
- A narcissist will stonewall you … act like they don’t hear you when it comes to your decision-making. They’d rather you just make it already. Often, until you have made a decision, they will ignore you.
- Promising Unrealistic Rewards: They may promise unrealistic rewards or benefits if you make the decision quickly, trying to entice you with false incentives.
- A narcissist will promise you the sun, moon, and stars but leave you in the dust after you’ve made your decision, particularly if that decision sways in the direction of what they desire from you. Otherwise, they will make promises on what they never deliver.
- Disregarding Boundaries: The person shows little regard for your boundaries or personal space, pushing their agenda without respecting your need for time and space to decide.
- In my experience, a narcissist will always disrespect boundaries. They will always push their personal agendas to get what they want. Even when I have made decisions that weren’t in their interests, they’d still disregard my boundaries to attempt to get their way. “Oh, you don’t really mean that. You’re just trying to be stubborn and show how hard you are, but we know the truth.”
If you notice several of these signs in your interactions with someone (from parts 1, 2, and 3 for this blog topic), it’s essential to take a step back, trust your instincts, and consider seeking advice from trusted friends, family, or a professional counselor before making any rushed decisions. Remember that it is okay to take the time you need to make a well-informed and thoughtful choice. No narcissist or any person with toxic personality traits is entitled to your decisions.
My Voice Unchained 