What A Narcissist Gives
I’ve had several relationships with narcissists since I was born, and I can say a lot of things about them. In reference to what a narcissist gives, I can say a lot.
What a narcissist gives, on the surface, isn’t always bad, but in the end, I’ve found that I’ve been given more from any narcissist in my life than I could have ever bargained for in a lifetime. What they give isn’t necessarily all that good to cherish.
Love Bombs
In the beginning of any new relationship with a narcissist, I’ve always been given their love bombs. I’d feel myself on cloud nine. I’d believe I’ve finally found a person who understands me completely.
A narcissist would give what appeared to me to be great attention to me. I’d be deeply flattered and even a little uncomfortable by all the attention. It would sometimes seem over the top. A narcissist as a new friend, new colleague, new love interest or new acquaintance would often stop at nothing to let me know that I’m special and important to them.
The love bombs could sometimes be so overwhelming that I’d grow instantly suspicious that “something about this is too good to be true”. With my track record overtime with narcissistic types, the overwhelming love bombs that felt too good to be true were usually my first signs of a red flag that I needed to pay attention to because danger was almost always lurking behind a narcissist’s eyes that glistened and lips that smiled at me.
Reminders of Them
A narcissist is surely going to give you reminders of them. That was always the one thing I could count on from all the narcissists I knew. They never wanted me to forget them.
In the earlier stages of love bombing, one narcissist actually gave me a picture of the two of us held together in the most beautiful picture frame that I’d ever owned before. At first, I was honored to be thought of so fondly by this narcissist even though their gift of a picture of us seemed a little weird to me.
Yet, as I continued to think about their narcissistic behaviors, I realized what the gift of our friendship truly meant to them. The gift of the picture itself was simply to be a reminder to me that I should always be thinking of this particular narcissistic friend. That picture was meant to subconsciously subdue me into a trauma bond with them.
When I later thought about when the picture I was gifted by the narcissist was taken, I recalled that we had taken several pictures together at the same time, and instead of choosing a more flattering likeness of me, this narcissist chose the most unflattering pose of me. It immediately made me wonder if that’s what this so-called friend really thought of me. It would not have been the first time that a narcissist had done this to me regarding pictures either.
Although I accepted the gift, I knew what it meant. A framed picture of me and the narcissist together was to remind me to think of them constantly. Yet, as time moved on in our so-called friendship, I found myself looking for a way out of it. This narcissist was verbally and psychologically abusive and mean to the core. I eventually took the picture of us together and placed it in a box. I would have rather have forgotten them based on the way they treated me.
Years later after I had gone no contact, I shredded the picture of us together and discarded the frame.
Heartache
A narcissist gives heartache … and a lot of it. In no matter what capacity I was in relation to a narcissist, I was certain to endure a lot of heartache from being around them. Narcissists always aimed to hurt me as much as they possibly could do so. Sometimes I never discerned the reasons for the amount of heartache they caused me, but they did cause it, and they seemed to delight in causing it too.
In reflection, some of the heartache I was caused by narcissists could have been prevented on my part. I was just too blind to see it at the time. I also believed in a narcissist’s ability to change. However, change never happened in the way that I had hoped it would for them. In actuality, the only one to change was me. My heart ached something gruesome when I recall the many tears I cried over the pain of being duped and abuse by narcissists.
My heart was broken into tiny pieces and felt shattered beyond repair. None of the narcissists within my past even cared how much I hurt. They, in fact, blamed me for the pain they caused me. They literally behaved as if they were entitled to causing me pain simply because I existed, and I seemed to only exist on their terms for me.
The heartache I’ve bared and suffered is enormous, and this is why I am so grateful each time I’ve broken free from a narcissist, never to return to them. Although I don’t wish them any harm, I don’t go out of my way to speak to them when I see them either. They have only proven themselves to be my greatest enemies all while maintaining fake facades as friends. I’ve learned enough lessons from heartache to know that the one who gives them will certainly never change.
Financial Woes
A narcissist gives financial woes. They care more about your money than they do their own – at least this was my experience. They always needed to know what I was doing with my money, how much of it I had, and if they were going to be able to spend any of it. It didn’t matter what money they had of their own. They always felt entitled to mine.
When I grew tired of being harassed by family members for money, I cut them off. I never looked back. They were driving me into a financial hole, and they didn’t care. They believed that it was my given right to provide for them. It was not, and it is not. They can take care of themselves. Yet, they wanted to be able to take care of themselves and me help them do so too.
I found that I couldn’t be nice to my family anymore. I had to put my foot down and enforce boundaries. I had to accept that doing so made me the bad guy, and that was okay as long as I had my money to show for all my efforts to stand apart. Now, they no longer ask me for money. Instead they bad mouth me all around the town to whoever will listen to them. That’s okay too. I still have control of my money.
It was no less different from some of my so-called friends. Their sense of entitlement to behaving as if I owed them something was nothing short of arrogance. They gave me financial woes by plotting my money’s demise. From setting up lofty schemes to scam me out of money to devising sad and sob stories they knew would play upon my heart, I had to wise up quickly and cut off the purse strings and simply let them go. I learned to frequently say “no” until I was no longer asked for things anymore.
One narcissist broke me so badly that they took every ounce of what I had in my possession. They never once cared about my emotional, financial, or mental state. They only cared about themselves. When I exclaimed, “All I do is give, and all you do is take. What are you doing with your own money?” They smugly responded, “I’m saving my money.” When I said, “Well, not anymore. My bank to you is closed, and we’re done.” I turned out to be the bad one for taking their privileges to my money away.
I ended my relationship with that narcissistic leech, but I also ended up becoming the target of their smear campaign. They told others that they were always doing for me when they gave me nothing but financial grief. I don’t think it took anyone by surprise that they were lying because no one liked this particular narcissistic leech anyway. It took me too long to find out that they gave everyone nothing but grief while always attempting to suck them dry.
One narcissistic frenemy I gave money to claimed to be in desperate need. They cried a river of tears about how their family was struggling to make ends meet. I thought assisting them was the “godly” thing to do. Looking back, they preached nothing but a guilt-trip of lies to me. I gave anyway only to be dismayed by a fan of cash spread out in my face as this narcissistic frenemy with a narcissistic grin on their face. In that moment, I realized I had been duped and made the fool. I never gave a cent to that narcissistic frenemy again.
What A Narcissist Gives
A narcissist gives a lot, but it’s not necessarily from the goodness of their hearts. They give their hatred, their anger, their projections, their fears, their problems, and a list of other maladies that cause you to suffer in some way. They never give what they don’t have because of the essence of what and who they really are in this world.
What a narcissist gives is something you likely know all too well, and it’s hardly anything that brings you fond memories. Yet, I can only speak for my own experience, but I know someone can relate since the hallmark trait of a narcissist is to devour all that is within their path. Too many have been victims of narcissistic devourers. The best a narcissist can give is a discard so you can move on without your life without them in it.
My Voice Unchained 