Moving Along Just Fine
I was in my feelings, as I often sometimes am, when suddenly my mind flashed back to scenes of yester-years. I thought about instances where my life was on schedule, with what I perceived as God’s plans, and then, just like that … out of nowhere, here comes a narcissist.
Although I’ve always been aware of this fact, there was something “aha-y” about it all that struck me differently. I can’t pinpoint exactly what that was that spurned me into deep thought, but I can say that I was stirred to a great thought of action. A great cry within me wanted to burst forth as the tears welled up just behind my eyes and cheeks.
I could feel the emotions of it all. Those times in the past when I was just on the cusp of some huge breakthrough always coincided with some not-so-well-thought-out-masterplan of a narcissist. A narcissist always seen to enter my life’s orbital sphere just when things were about to change. Interesting, huh?
A Sixth Sense or Something Else?
I had always wondered how it was possible for certain people in my life, particularly narcissists, would seem to know just when my life was about to change for the better because they’d always show up. It was as if they had a sixth sense about what was going on with me. It was strange.
I’d often wonder how those narcissists were able to keep tabs on me. Of course, some would stay connected with my family to siphon information from like they were getting their much needed fuel on the happenings of my life. Others would stay connected to my friends.
Still, some narcissists would just pop up when I least expected to ever see them again. For them, there’s no such thing as no-contact. They simply discard their targets and victims like recyclable trash only to seek them out again. They like to use and reuse.
As for a sixth sense, narcissist just always seemed to know when to show up in my life when my life was getting back to some type of normalcy without them in it. Then I learned about the spiritual aspects of monitoring spirits. This, and the concept of soul ties and/or trauma bonds explained a lot. I
In many ways, this spiritual monitoring made a lot of sense to me. It’s too much detail for me to go into right now, but if you know, you certainly know. Overall, though, narcissists have their ways of keeping tabs on their targets even when they are not in their targets’ lives.
A Narcissist Enters On The Cusp Of A Breakthrough
During the early stages of my young adulthood, I entered into a cantankerous relationship with a narcissist that lasted on and off until he married someone else. Although he proposed marriage to me, it came at the most seemingly inopportune time for me to marry him. We had been on a two-year break-up after I discovered that he was cheating on me with another woman why just happened to have the same name as mine.
After this discovery and everything about the situation was brought to light, my heart was shattered into a billion tiny shards of painful ache that took at least two years to heal. During the time I spent healing, I worked on rebuilding my life without the narcissist in it, while I was also struggling with interpersonal relationships with my narcissistic parents and other friends and family members.
While away from the narcissist who chose to be with another woman, I focused heavily on my spiritual and emotional healing. As things about my life gradually improved, I embarked upon making overall changes in other aspects of my life, such as my career. On a huge inner leading I believed to be of God, I stepped out on a huge dose of faith and resigned my job. Then I applied for and accepted another job in another state.
It was an exciting time for me, and although I was happy, other narcissistic types were not supportive of my decisions at all. Least of all happy were my parents, particularly my father. He reacted towards me with icy coldness. I chose to keep on my new path anyway. Then after two years, I was slammed with a blasted narcissist from my past. The narcissist who’d left me for another woman entered back into the realm of my life.
I was just a month away from starting a new job within another state. The commute was brutal, and up until experiencing a few months of a grueling one-way trip back and forth to work, I made the decision to move. Meanwhile, the narcissist who’d come back into my life was wooing me big time. He filled his accolades of me with apologies and the kind of behavior that I’d never quite seen in our previous relationship together. He was surprisingly kind to me.
I was almost intoxicated with this narcissist’s push to be back into my life, but something was not quite right despite what appeared to be what I’d always wanted from him. There was just something I couldn’t put my finger on. I just didn’t know that he’d broken away from the previous relationship he’d left me for to become involved with another woman he’d cheat on me with and eventually marry after I turned his marriage proposal down.
Just on the cusp of my beginning a new life, I realized I could no longer stay in both worlds – the old and the new. I needed to choose, and I wanted my new life. I wanted it so bad that I willingly chose it over any life with the narcissist who believed he could present to me what he thought would change my mind. In fact, I was truly unimpressed with what he offered me. It was all faux pas and nothing really substantial.
Looking back, the narcissist wasted his own time, but I guess he had to try. When he proposed to me and I declined with the hush of selective mutism, he begrudgingly backtracked the possibility of a future life with me. I’d dealt a seemingly merciless blow to his ego with an uncontrolled silence and caused him a grave narcissistic injury which required the ultimate revenge.
His revenge was to already have a relationship on the side while he was attempting to win me back. It was a relationship that he had full started while he was ending a relationship which he had left me for two years previously within that past time frame. Basically, he cheated on the other woman he left me for with a new woman he left the other woman for.
I was blindsided by my own naivete and the oblivion of induce happiness. Yet, my happiness had nothing to do with this narcissist or his grand proposals of nothingness. My happiness had more to do with the prospect of my inner and outer life changing for good. I’m doubtful this narcissist knew of the changes that took place within my inward life during his two-year absence, and I am even more doubtful that he cared about it. Yet, he certainly re-entered my life in the nick of time to bring his brand of destruction. I was minding my own business.
Nevertheless, this narcissist was surprised when I moved out of state immediately after it was clear that we were over as a supposed couple. We weren’t a couple at all. He just razzled and dazzled me with a bunch of future-faking while he romanced another woman behind my back. After my own investigative skills to determine what was really going on provided me with the confirmation I needed about what I really suspected about him, I also found out the other woman was pregnant with his child.
The narcissist’s decision to begin a family with someone else basically closed the door on us. I couldn’t see myself entangling myself with any more elements of toxicity. He had responsibilities, and my life was moving in a different direction. I chose that direction over him and refrained from any hopes that he’d change. The unfaithful usually always remain unfaithful. It was time for me to move on with my life.
So I congratulated him on his status of fatherhood and admonished him to make an honest woman out of the mother-to-be. The narcissist married the other woman six months after I moved to be closer to my new job. My admonition for him to do the right thing was a clear sign to him that I was done. Although he tried visiting me three different times in my new state, I didn’t want the drama or him. I kept the door closed for nearly twenty years until he resurfaced again to try to reopen it. I still kept it closed. He may not honor his marriage, but I do.
In Reflection
I now look back upon that time and realize how on course I was to moving forward, but my adversary, the devil, threw in a surprise to take me off course. I was glad I never detoured nor gave up on what I wanted to do. I’m so glad that I accepted the new job despite a marriage proposal. I’m so glad I chose to move out of the state to get away from the narcissist and my narcissistic family.
In the scope of things, the narcissist I almost married was nothing more than a huge distraction to my breakthrough. Had it not been for my selective mutism taking away my ability to speak, I may have accepted a lie. I’m so grateful for how things worked out. It was nothing short of God’s plan coming through for me no matter how many obstacles a narcissist attempted to throw in my path.
In fact, I can look back over the course of my life and see how other narcissistic individuals acted as decoys to me being on the cusp of other breakthroughs in my life. I was minding my business, doing my thing, but suddenly, a narcissistic type would appear out of a predatory space and pounced into the scene of my life. They’d entice with their love bombing all while wreaking a lot of havoc behind the scenes.
I have no doubt they were actually sent to kill, steal, and destroy my destiny or at least knock me off course so that I was no longer on my life path to reaching my goals. For a time, I did go off path and even feel that I am now still off path because my life is totally different than the way it was just three years ago. I’m not sure if I’m on the cusp of a breakthrough, but I need one. For the time being, though, I’ve walked away from narcissistic personalities that were in my life.
My Voice Unchained 