Personal growth is a lifelong journey, and it’s okay to reassess and make adjustments along the way. Uniqueness is an asset, and building a life that aligns with my authentic self is a meaningful pursuit. In fact, this is a meaningful pursuit for anyone who goes after it.
If you ever feel overwhelmed, seeking support from professionals or trusted individuals in your life can be invaluable, but those nagging feelings may still persist. Have you had them? I’ve had them a ton … especially when I look back over my life and realize just how things have turned out for me, how often certain themes have continued over a period of time, and exactly where I am because of those themes today.
What if it’s me?
What if?
It’s important to recognize that individuals with different personality traits, communication styles, and preferences can coexist harmoniously. Differences in social interaction preferences, such as being introverted, autistic, or selectively mute, do not inherently make someone the cause of challenges in relationships.
It’s crucial to embrace and honor your own unique qualities. You are who you are, and I remind myself of this daily … that I am who I am, and I am working to improve myself and become a better person every day. When I say “I am who I am”, I don’t want this to be viewed as an excuse I use to continue being who I am based on negative behaviors. Certain behaviors change especially when character is in development.
I mean “I am who I am” in terms of neurodivergent traits, personality characteristics, and any mental and/or physical disabilities. I know that I am constantly changing. In fact, I am a work in progress, and I know there are many aspects regarding my character development that need improvement. For one, I have been working on not being such a people pleaser which has often aided in my own detriment.
When I think in terms of the people in my life that I have walked away from, those were all people I tried desperately hard to please. I failed them. Despite the toxicity within the relationships, I somehow failed them. I wasn’t enough. Despite the fact that I gave all of myself to those relationships, I still failed in them. Most of those narcissistic individuals would probably even say that I failed them, and that’s okay.
Yet, on another note, I know that I gave my all, and I believe in many ways I was a good friend to each individual within those relationships. However, my need to please still caused issues. In all likelihood, I most likely lost the respect of those individuals for being such a giver of my time, effort, love, money, and whatever else that each of them gained from me. Narcissistic individuals usually have no respect for the people they use for their benefit.
So, I have to wonder if a lot of things are me. Currently, I am still dealing with narcissistic people, but at the same time, that’s also a part of life. Mainly, I deal with them on the job, and although I can do a lot to lessen my interactions with them, it’s not always avoidable. Sometimes it seems as if these personalities go out of their way to annoy me on purpose. Yet, I often feel hypersensitive to their attacks.
I wish I could gain peace from such toxic interactions, but I know that learning to navigate various interactions with different people is necessary for my own psychological growth and development. It’s just tiresome to constantly have to deal with narcissistic individuals and the negative dynamics that go along with the toxicity.
My Voice Unchained 