A Scene Out Of My Life
I’ve only been on my new job for a short time, but it’s felt like I’ve been there for years. I imagine this feeling has a lot to do with what I’ve already experienced when it comes to narcissists and narcissistic abuse.
Not everyone within the work environment is a narcissist even if some people exhibit narcissistic traits. In fact, I’d only peg three people as potential narcissists – a covert and two overt ones. The narcissistic traits of the overt ones are extremely evident.
I’ve noticed that many people do not like either of the overt coworkers because they both create eggshells within the environment. Most coworkers will avoid interacting with these overt coworkers altogether, or some coworkers break down and tolerate them. Even still, some coworkers actually join these overt ones with their own toxic behaviors.
Familiar Behaviors
One of the overt coworkers on the job reminds me of my mother. This coworker is the hiring manager and behaves as if they are above everyone else. Since the power dynamics within the workplace has changed with a takeover by new management, the hiring manager has been less overt in narcissistic behavior. I suppose this is to keep from losing their position since it’s apparent that people within this work environment are easily replaced by others.
In fact, this hiring manager has been more accommodating towards me as of late to the point that they often go out of their way to assist me when they see I could be struggling to lift something heavy go out of their way to speak kindly to me when we are not even walking on the same path.
Despite this being a nice change, I am often leery of this type of behavior because it often feels insincere and disingenuous. In fact, this type of change in behavior from someone who has frequently kept me in their devaluation stage makes me keep my guard up because it was no different than the way my mother mistreated me.
In other words, I know what it means to go from being mistreated to then being treated as if I’m special. I suppose that means I have entered this hiring manager’s love bombing phase of narcissistic abuse. Love would be all good if I knew there wasn’t a time of devaluation on the horizon. So I still maintain my distance.
The other overt coworker stepped down from a managerial position right before their two bully-type managers were fired from their positions. For a while, work was pleasant, but this overt coworker wasted no time getting back to their old ways of leveraging a fury of verbal assaults against everyone just for existing. I suppose this overt coworker’s love bombing phase of silence wore off.
I’ve seen enough entanglements with other coworkers who try to avoid situations with this overt coworker to no avail because this coworker must always maintain the upper hand at all costs. If talking was a way to escape troubles, this overt coworker has indeed mastered it. This overt coworker talks all the time – so much so that by the time I leave work on the days this coworker is on the job, I’m drained from just having to listen to all of their talking.
As for the two overt coworkers, their methods of devaluation are the same. Both use subtle but overt tactics of narcissistic abuse to maintain control over others all while diverting attention away from their own negative behaviors. When I see their tactics, I’m annoyed, but I do my best to avoid interactions with them when possible. Besides openly criticizing and shaming coworkers for whatever they do, they also like to give coworkers who they want to isolate the silent treatment.
These two overt coworkers can turn a great day at work into an anxiety-filled one, to the point that anyone who might be neurodivergent might have a meltdown. I have literally felt myself on the verge of a meltdown when having to deal with these two overt coworkers’ narcissistic abuses. In fact, I will often prolong the length of a task I have to do just so I’m not required to work around them just so I can maintain a sense of peace. I will do absolutely anything to keep my peace and avoid interacting with their negativity.
As for the more covert coworker, their narcissistic tactics are a lot more subtle. If one wants to define how to get away with not doing any work or get away with doing the least amount of work possible, then this covert coworker can tell one all the tricks of doing so. Basically, this covert coworker often masquerades with a sense of humility, but it’s all a façade. They often give the illusion they are working, but they literally do as little as possible while throwing people under the bus for actually doing work.
I just happened to walk up on two different conversations this covert coworker was having with two managers. It turns out that this covert coworker was complaining about another coworker’s lack of experience. As I listened to this covert coworker talk, I realized how they were casting blame for lack of finishing a task on their own onto the less experienced coworker. I wasn’t so sure this covert coworker wasn’t talking about me since I have less experience.
Needless to say, this covert coworker knows how to talk their way out of getting into trouble. I’ve seen them in action on several occasions. It baffles me as to how such a manipulative, sneaky person is able to get away with so much. Yet, that’s when it dawns on me that covert narcissists use every manipulative ploy they have to get away with whatever they want by appeasing to the vulnerabilities within others. Thus, it’s no surprise as to how they easily get away with being such manipulators even when it appears they might receive just punishment.
For instance, this covert coworker has been caught using several lies to get out of trouble, and it never seems to fail how much they get away with in terms of their lies. This covert coworker knows just the heartstring to pull on to keep a manager off their trail. They also say just enough to make themselves believable. Yet, at the same time, they will waste no time planting seeds of doubt in the minds of certain managers against others. I’d say they know how to play the game so well as to appear believable all while throwing others under the bus they should be underneath.
Conclusion
All in all, I’d say this new job is giving me more experience with narcissistic personalities, more to think about in terms of how I handle myself, and more to blog about. However, it would be much easier to navigate my work days without these types of individuals within my life, even if only indirectly and for a number of hours. Yet, that’s a lesson in knowing that I can only control myself – not others.
Fortunately, the job is only part-time. So I only have to deal with the narcissistic traits of these colleagues half the time even though it can feel like time goes in slow motion when I’m working the job. Learning to keep my distance while being observant has been helpful. Identifying with positive coworkers to help me through the day has also been helpful.
Nevertheless, I still know to be careful because I do not view any of my coworkers as friends even if I’ve worked with them in some capacity within my previous profession and even if they prove to be friendly towards me. I still know to pay attention and keep discernment regarding the nicest of people because of previous experiences with narcissistic personalities in the past.
My Voice Unchained 