If a coworker who was once friendly towards me becomes an ally of a person they know doesn’t like me, is that coworker my ally or my enemy?

Determining whether a coworker is your ally or your enemy can be complex and may depend on various factors, including the coworker’s motivations, the nature of their relationship with the other people, and the dynamics of your workplace environment.

I have a coworker that I worked with years ago as a supervisor over them. During a conversation about the past, this coworker reminded me of something that occurred that I had done that made them very angry with me at the time.

In retrospect, I thought about the situation from this coworker’s perspective and determined that I was simply doing my job. However, I realize that perceptions about situations are always different based on how things are remembered by each person involved in the circumstance.

Although this coworker and I are on friendly terms, I do not deem this coworker as a friend. We are coworkers. Plus, this coworker has aligned themselves with a person on the job whom I believe is most likely a narcissist. This person I believe is a narcissist has a strong dislike of me which they continue to show me through their passive aggressive behaviors towards me.

Despite liking the coworker with whom I’m on friendly terms with and recalling their discussions on being a healthy person, I always look at the fruits of their behaviors which manifests within their life to determine the truth about the present circumstances. If one says they are a duck but walks and acts like a snake, they are a snake no matter what they tell me.

In light of every situation I encounter, it’s always about what what I observe and hear. It’s always about what I discern. I make judgments and assessments on behaviors to determine the truth for me. But, just because a person aligns themselves with my enemy doesn’t always make that person my actual enemy. There are other things I always try to consider first.

Yet, I believe it’s always important to think about what works best for you and your situation. Here are some considerations I keep in mind:

1. Intentions: Consider whether the coworker’s alignment with the other person is intentional or unintentional. They may not be fully aware of the dynamics between you and the other individual, or they may be aligning with them for reasons unrelated to their opinion of you.
2. Relationship Dynamics: Evaluate the coworker’s relationship with the other person and whether they have a history of mutual support or shared goals. If they have a close relationship or common interests, their alignment may be more about maintaining that relationship than taking sides against you.
3. Office Politics: Workplace dynamics and office politics can influence coworker alliances. It’s possible that your coworker is aligning with the other person to navigate office politics, gain favor, or avoid conflict rather than actively opposing you.
4. Communication: Open communication with your coworker can provide clarity about their intentions and motivations. Consider having a candid conversation with them to express your concerns, seek understanding, and clarify any misunderstandings.
5. Observations: Pay attention to how the coworker’s alignment with the other person manifests in their behavior and interactions with you. If they continue to treat you respectfully and professionally, despite their alignment with the other individual, they may still be considered an ally.
6. Impact on Your Work: Assess whether the coworker’s alignment with the other person affects your ability to perform your job effectively or creates a hostile work environment. If their actions undermine your work or well-being, it may be necessary to address the situation with them directly or seek support from a supervisor or HR.

Ultimately, labeling a coworker as either an ally or an enemy may oversimplify a complex interpersonal dynamic. It’s essential to approach the situation with an open mind, gather information, and consider the context before making judgments. Building positive relationships and maintaining professionalism in the workplace can help navigate challenging situations and foster a supportive work environment.

In terms of my personal experience with the coworker I mention, I am able to maintain a positive relationship with this coworker despite our past working relationship. However, I’m no dummy. I pay attention. Plus, I choose not to make my working relationships with others personal. I defer to professionalism at all times. In the same way, though, I pay attention to the allies of my enemies because I can never be complacent nor complicit with negativity when it comes workplace dynamics.