Targeted

If I didn’t know I was targeted before, I know it now.

I am a target.

Although I have not identified others who might be targets of workplace bullying within the setting where I work, I know that I am a target without any shadow of doubt. In fact, I have no doubt that I was a target from the start, and even though some of the first bullies I experienced within this environment are gone, others have risen to take the spotlight against me.

Just when I thought the situation of workplace bullying would be alleviated by the high turnover of bullies who either left the workplace or were sent to work in other departments, I hadn’t planned on a new clique congregating amongst each other to create a new mob group.

What I Know Now

Interestingly, I’ve discovered that there will always be a core group that will assimilate and rebrand itself as the new bullies within the workplace when they have become accustomed to the toxicity. Even if these new bullies were also bullied, these new bullies will continue the legacy of bullying other coworkers because a toxic cycle will always repeat itself, particularly when the person leading the group continues to operate with toxic (narcissistic) traits.

Currently, one former bully manager that I worked underneath in position still remains, but they seemingly oversee what occurs within a different department on the job. Another bully manager who stepped down from management over me still works within the department but in a different capacity. I’m so glad they were somewhat demoted, but they were more overt with their narcissistic abuses towards others.

This new group that I’m now dealing with in the workplace is what I’ll call an under-group of mobsters. By my observation, they were the ones bullied by the bullies who had more power. They were the ones waiting for their chance to supposedly shine and show their worth in a corporation that seems to chew its workers up with great pleasure before spitting them out into a heap.

This under-group of mobsters has arisen in positions with more recognizable duties within the workplace, and they have now become the new faces of the department in which I currently work. In fact, I see myself being somewhat demoted in position despite having worked within the department upon my first being hired by the corporation. My current duties have somehow transformed back into the same duties I first completed when I was originally hired by the company.

When I first noticed my duties were changing after being promised a promotion by a manager, I smelled the signs of a red flag. I’d even been promoted from part time to full time under the basis of that promise only to realize I’d been gaslighted into believing that change was imminent. There was change alright, but nothing more could be further than what was promised, and I now question if the manager I thought was a life savior on the job is somehow tied in with the toxicity within this workplace.

Targeted For Bullying

Although an easy job, navigating through this work environment is not easy. It’s a toxic workplace, and this new under-group of familiar people turned mobsters, somewhere along the lines unmasked their true identities towards me. They have taken on different capacities while using subtle tactics of organized bullying against me.

Only recently, I discovered the ringleader behind this façade masquerading as power over others. When I think about this person from when I first began this job, this person wasn’t very nice to me at all. In fact, they were downright mean and always behaved as if they were irritated by the very sight of me. This person once zipped by me in a rush almost bumping into me without an “excuse me” which caused another coworker to call them out for being so rude.

Overtime, however, this person began slowly talking to me and divvying out information on working at the company. In short, they knew all the gossip and everyone’s personal business. I find them also to be a professional complainer, and they hardly ever seem to be in a good mood. Their moods change by the day, and I never know what to expect with them each day. In fact, management replaced the talkative narcissistic coworker I once worked with in favor of this stubbornly moody individual, and I’ve grown to hate working with them with a passion.

I’d almost rather have the talkative narcissist back except when I think about just how mean they were too. These two coworkers are literally the same person with one just being more overt in behaviors than the other. I don’t like working with either one of them, and it just so happens the place is more peaceful when both have their days off on the same day.

The Moody, Narcissistic Coworker

Because of these issues and the negative attitude I’ve experienced from this moody, narcissistic coworker on previous occasions, I decided long ago to keep my distance from them. Now, in the current arena of our work together, I realize this work place is not short on toxicity and that anyone who’s been a longtime employee of the company might not be someone I want to work with long-term.

Now that this moody coworker has been sent to work in the department where I work, their need to control everyone and everything has invaded the space and turned what I was hoping as a location of peace into a location where walking on eggshells coincides with their moments of the silent treatment. In fact, this coworker has gathered unto themselves flying monkeys – one who is their spokesperson in crime and at least two others who willingly do their bidding of manipulative ploys.

If I didn’t believe I’d seen the face of evil while working on this job, I’d literally say I’ve met the devil in human form. This coworker literally embodies a demonic spirit. I’ve actually felt its presence within the spirit realm, and it wants me out. I’ve even expressed this to the manager over the department … that there is a pervasive feeling I have that I am being pushed out of this department and company by an undeniable force in the from of a person.

In fact, I’ve found myself going to battle a few times in the spirit realm because that force of evil is so pervasive and strong. I know that it’s of the power of darkness, and this narcissistic individual is possessed by it. My thoughts regarding this might seem outlandish, but if you know, you definitely know. If you understand things of the spirit realm, you know that this battle of wits even concerning narcissistic individuals is more about the powers of the air, dark principalities, and all the evil they unleash. This battle has very little to do with flesh and blood humans and more to do what humans open themselves up to when they continue to embody such evil.

Why Don’t I Just Leave

I could just go. I could just quit the job. I even tell myself the reasons I shouldn’t bother subjecting myself to any mistreatment when there’s nothing I can do to change it. It’s obvious these people have been allowed to continue to behave as they do without being checked about their behavior. A workplace of toxicity rarely holds its employees accountable for any wrong they do unless there is an immediate consequence to management.

Yet, when I want to be obedient to God’s leading and guidance for me even in a tough situation, I find myself not being able to get through other open doors for different jobs. It’s not so easy to leave abusive situations. It took me long enough to walk away from individual narcissists and another toxic work environment. I even admit that leaving is not always even financially plausible. If I could just go without having to secure other employment and not worry about my financial state in this economy, I would have quit a long time ago. I wouldn’t have tried to see the greener side or smell the roses of this toxic place.

So, as of late, I’ve found myself with a need for survival to just smile and bear through the tough stuff when I don’t know what else to do. I do pray. I also listen to podcasts on ways to handle the overt but often subtle bullying I’ve experienced in this place. In addition, I also meditate and keep to myself. Yet, the more I mind my own business, the more I find that the bullying continues to take on an intrusive form. The moody coworker literally wants to invade my mental space, and for what?

A Narcissistic Bully’s Need For Control

The need for a narcissistic bully to control others, to control the working territory, and to control the narrative they seek to spin against their targets is all-consuming. The moody coworker seeks to make themselves a pervasive victim in all situations while always insinuating that others, including me, are the problem. They throw on the tears of frustration as if their life depends upon them, and they will trash talk anyone they deem to be beneath them.

The irony of this is so baffling to me. It’s literally happened that when one narcissistic individual seems to no longer be a problem for me, a more sadistic one appears on the scene to crush my time of peace. Yet, this shouldn’t be surprising to me. Since the original narcissistic ringleader who was first on the job when I was hired has since been fired from the job, the flying monkeys that remained took to reorganizing themselves and rebranding their images. Some of the flying monkeys are more narcissistic than others and even bossier, and I’ve encountered quite a few of them. It’s as if this workplace environment thrives upon all the toxicity.

The anxiety I feel over working within this environment because I never know what to expect from this narcissistic and moody bully or their cohorts is palpable. The atmosphere is often so thick with this moody coworker’s intimidation that I can literally hear eggshells they telepathically transmit into the atmosphere cracking onto the concrete floor. The intimidation and whatever else this coworker wheels out of their internal system of anger and hatred is so strong that I can sometimes hear “get out of here” with my natural ears even though I know it’s the strong sense I get within the spirit realm.

This narcissistic coworker has made it silently and indirectly known that they don’t want me working in the same area with them. They don’t want me on the job at all. Oftentimes, the lead for our team, who’s actually not a lead, will “innocently” request that I leave the station while I’m actually working to do an errand when others are actually standing around doing nothing. They all watch me and wait. In the past, I would go upon request, but a few times, I’ve declined and used the manager’s request for me to remain at my station as an out.

I see the actions of these coworkers designed to make me act out of character and show my frustrations so that I am the one who appears to be the problem. They want to control me. They want to demean me. They want to insult my intelligence. They want me so frustrated with their actions towards me because they want to see me crack and show unprofessionalism.

As a matter of fact, this happened with one of the flying monkeys that I grew increasingly frustrated with for failing to do their own job because they’d taken on my responsibilities in an effort to keep me away from my station. So that I wouldn’t lose my cool, I took a break and went to talk to the manager about my frustrations, but it was certainly obvious to the moody coworker and their cohorts that I was steaming hot with anger by all their deflective and gaslighting tactics.

Although I realized that I probably sounded as if I were the problem in this situation, I reminded the manager about how manipulative behavior works, and that I was certain that I was being manipulated into leaving my post for good. At the time, I hadn’t realized that one of the flying monkey’s behaviors towards me was a part of a group effort to dispel me from my post. In retrospect, I realize that all of this flying monkey’s actions towards me were designed with the purpose of provoking me to anger while the moody coworker kept silent and watched it all happen.

Specifically, I’ve been so observant to watch for signs of connections between coworkers because of my attempts to find out who’s in this mob of bullies against me. I’ve actually seen the moody narcissistic bully and a few flying monkeys gathered around talking and pointing in my direction on occasion as they discussed the daily job assignments. Once, I even heard one of the flying monkey and the moody narcissistic bully talk about me and the fact that the manager had changed my work assignment. When commented on by the flying monkey as to why my job assignment was changed, I simply shrugged and said, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Narcissistic individuals want power, and information gives them that allusive power. They want to control everything and form a narrative about their targets that will work in their favor. They are literally the “bad guys” in this scenario, but they want so badly to paint a negative view of their target. They want everyone else against the target while they elevate themselves. They want the target to feel inferior to them and powerless to do anything about it. They thrive upon toxicity and drama, and they are angry when they can’t induce any of it.

When The Work Environment Is Like A Version Of The Worst Years Of High School

There is never a dull moment on the job, for sure, but I wish that sometimes there were dull moments so I wouldn’t have to deal with such immature behavior and wicked nonsense. I swear this work environment is worse than having to redo a version of the worst years of high school. Yet, the bullying is coming from adults who behave more immaturely than I’ve ever encountered from even a middle schooler. The toxicity within this workplace is a lot worse than I even experienced within my old work environment. Yet, the effects of this type of abuse is always the same (although sometimes worse).

I’m tired, and I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to deal with narcissists or people who thrive solely on exhibiting their narcissistic traits. I want these types of people to be held accountable for their injustice against others … against me. I want justice. I want to be able to work in peace. I want to be able to do my job. I want to be able to live a simple life – go to work and go home in one piece. However, the enemy of my soul just can’t and won’t let me be. He sends assassins to attempt to steal my essence, to kill my life, and to destroy my peace of mind.

I am now on the verge of reporting my experiences with bullying within this workplace to the Equal Opportunity Employment Commission (EEOC). As little as I often think this will do any good, it’s a far better cry than talking to anyone in human resources (HR). That department is run only run by the narcissistic behaving manager who resembles my mother in malignant narcissistic behaviors. So I already know that I’d be gaslighted into believing that I’m the problem and that I should let this all go.

The most that I believe that would occur from going to HR in this workplace is that it would all be swept under the rug, and I’d be made out to be hypersensitive and toxic – and told that I’m creating eggshells for my coworkers to walk on – which is some crazy kind of reverse psychological nonsense. There’s no one I can talk to, and the people that have shared with me their experiences with this toxic environment won’t come forth for fear of retaliation – not that I blame them.

Preparing For War

I am not one to back down from a fight or a huge battle. I’d like to believe I’m built for this type of spiritual war because my life has completely evolved around this type of abuse for so very long. Yet, even in this I feel deep sadness within myself. It’s like, “Here we go once again!” Despite my mounds of evidence against the abusive ones, I don’t like being on the outskirts with anyone. I don’t like having to confront issues, even though I won’t back down from doing so. I don’t like having to endure another person’s hatred for me. I don’t like being a target, and I especially dislike what being a target for bullies often represents.

Yet, this is the life that I’m living at the moment, and this is the life that I feel that I’ve always lived in the past too. There’s always a narcissistic individual looking to have supreme domination over me. It’s exasperating! Mainly, it’s all a game to them, and the most covert ones believe they are playing chess and that I don’t realize what they are doing and how they are doing it. I see and discern so very clearly, but I do my best not to break and bend to their will. I do no my best not to engage in their mind playing games. While I observe and discern them in their games, I remain stone-faced and silent.

However, I’m tired … exhausted by it all. Sometimes I want to scream at the highest frequency, and I often cry about this work life I’m living. I hate it. I absolutely hate narcissistic abuse and the internal emotional damage it does to the psyche. The anxiety over having to deal with any narcissistic individual’s abusive tactics causes deep stress. I stress over about what to do all the time. I’ve reached a point that I didn’t conceive to be fathomable on this job. I want out, but before I leave, I also want justice. I want these monstrous individuals to be held accountable for the life-wrecking damage they cause to others. They shouldn’t be entitled to do as they please.

My Right To Work In A Safe Environment

I have the right to a safe workplace and an environment at least close to being free of narcissistic toxicity. I have the right to go to work and do my job without worrying about someone’s insecurities over how I do my job. I have the right not to have to step over someone’s eggshells and tiptoe around someone’s mood swings.

I have the right to be who I am and live my life unashamedly without having to ever share it. I have the right to go to work and not have to actually talk to anyone. It behooves me as to why people like this are so invested in what someone they choose to target does with their life or says (or doesn’t say) about it. It baffles me that anything about my life is anyone else’s business.

All these narcissistic coworkers do is wreak havoc upon their target’s life because the target chooses not to mingle with them outside of work or chooses not to share aspects of their personal business as if they are friends. Oddly, I find that most of these coworkers are connected in someway within relationships that are tangled with symbiotically strong trauma-bonds. Nothing can seemingly be done without someone else knowing about what’s done, and if a target’s life is a mystery to them, these nosey coworkers go out of their way to find out what they can in an effort to use that information against their targets

I am so sick and tired of being a target, but I’ve been assured that the brightness of God’s Light within me will increase the chances that I’m a target everyday. I just wish narcissistic individuals who were attracted to God’s Light would actually want that Light within their own lives instead of engulfing themselves in darkness and attempting to bring darkness to others.

At this point in my life, I don’t think I need to encompass these types of people to make them see anything. That’s not even within my power to do. I believe more and more now that I need to stand up … “stand on business” and not allow these venomous souls to overtake me as I would have done in the past. They only target me for my own destruction. They only target me because of their hatred for what they don’t comprehend. That’s not my problem. Their issues are not for me to defend.

Stay tuned to more of this ongoing saga, but at some point this has to end.